So....10 years later, and you think you've learned all the lessons you can learn, and you even believe you'll never make that ONE mistake again that you made in the past.
Addiction......its sneaky, slippery, scary, selfish, it doesn't care who it hurts, or how it gets its victim.
After the codeine addiction from 10+ years ago (dated from approximately when it started) I got ill, I ended up with an inactive thyroid, and diaebetes (found out in feb). I slept 18-22 hours per day, and could rarely get out of bed.
in 2011, whilst watching tv, I saw a tv show that was bringing about awareness of legal highs (thanks alot I really needed to see that, now i'm more than aware, fool I am) and i'm sitting thinking, yeah, they can't be much good, who'd do that. Anyway as I sat watching, they were choosing members of the audience to ask questions. I recall someone saying they got lots of energy, and this was all I needed to hear.
ENERGY - The fuel of life
I found myself looking it up, and ordering some, and 2 days later it arrived. I took it, and this euphoria came over me. I found myself having more than enough energy.
That month, saw some recovery. From being able to shop, being able to do housework, doing the things I couldn't do before.
This seemed to work like a crutch, but after a while, it became more like a kick in the crotch (yes I said crotch).
The moment I realized I was addicted, I remember being horrified, scared. and thinking "NOT AGAIN". spending hours and hours days and days weeks and weeks I eventually end up here telling my story.
Many members saying, go see your doctor. My best friend din't even know i'd screwed up again, let alone the doctor.
Sugar coating it, I told my friend last week about my use. At the same time she was lenient, but also harsh too, i'd never blame her for that though, she had been wronged in the worst possible way anyone can be, yet she accepted I was also an addict, and that i'd put it behind me. Her comment of asking me if she's really going to need to hide her pills from me when I go over to see her, struck me like a bullet. If thats the worst i'll see from her though, then for sure I think i've uncovered an angel posing as a human.
I'd dreaded telling her that for ages, and it was over with, the next part was telling substance misuse dude, which I did today.
When I walked in, I remember saying, this is probably going to bruise our trust a bit, and for sure I knew right then I had his undistractable attention. I don't always look people in the eye, and if I do its for a millisecond. I don't know what it was, but I remember that second when he glanced at me perfectly.
His words were, "go on". I explain about when I was ill, which he knows as he was one of those people that knew me back then. I explain about needing an energy boost, and he didn't really know what apb6 was, which is hardly surprising as its still hardly known today by any doctor, let alone a drug addiction counsellor.
After exchanging a few comments, I asked "So what do I do?" and his exact words were
"Just stop taking them".
So, if this is the advice I can expect from substance misuse councellors, then for sure i'm in a world of hurt, as this is a defining moment in my life when I know for sure, i'm in deep.
Some of his comments had mirrorred some of the comments my best friend had given me, but neither of them had ever been addicted to anything, so will or may always lack that understanding.
So as things stand today, the people that need to know about my problem are aware, and i'm still no further forward than I was, when it was still a secret.
If you would like to use my experience in a study/essay/or anything related to educating others in drug addiction, you have my permission to copy and use my experience. If you need any questions answering, or anything expanding upon, please let me know.