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    PLEASE HELP
  1. NicoMc
    A few days after seeing my friend I received a msg with a photo of her new ring on her finger. He didn't buy the one she really wanted. Paid less than half that. (hopefully the first signs of things cooling a bit) I was supportive to her about it. I'm still hoping this to fall apart. She can't keep bfs normally for long, regardles of whether they do drugs or not. Most last 6-8 weeks. Tried to call her, no answer. But got a txt hour later saying "out, cant talk" I replied I'd call her the next day.

    I called her at lunchtime. She answered. (shortened)

    "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii NM" she sounded slurry. And really really happy
    "you ok, I like the ring" I lied
    "immmm soooooo high right now. I haven't slept since yesterday. been up allll night high as fuck" (28+ hours!!)
    "ahh ok, where are you?"
    "at Fiancees place with drug dealer that doesn't like me "
    "is fiancée there?"
    "no, he went to work, so me and drug dealer that doesn't like me are here and when he comes back later we'll be even worse than this morning" she laughs. She's buzzing like mad!
    "careful, he'll think your a liability" I laughed back (thinking oh fuck!)
    "nah, he knows I'm a full on crackhead" she laughs (my heart sinks so low at that phrase! :( )
    "what's your dad think about the engagement?"
    "I'm not telling him yet. I need to be sober for that" (I think the only time shes been sober in the last week was probably with me on our shopping trip!!)
    "I'm sure he'll be ok" (thinking just don't give her an ultimatum)
    "Well he can't change my mind"
    "no I know that, that's why I never try with you"
    we both laughed. me nervously.
    "you working soon?"
    "no" (When she next works it will be 2 weeks since she last did. That time has been used exclusively to "party" she must be skint as hell. Her CC is maxed out!)

    We end our call with me telling her we'll try and meet next week. Despite being off her face, she agrees. So we'll see how that pans out.

    At this point I'm not sure what to do. I composed a fairly 'open to interpretation' msg to her clean friend "hey what you think of friend at the moment?" she took an hour to reply, (shortened) "oh its fine" and the way it read made me think she'd maybe mentioned it to friend. (despite me asking not to) and I was being tested. so I just fired back (shortened) "yeah, I think so, she so happy. just surprised at everything"

    I think with the 20:20 of hindsight I wish I'd seen her face to face for that question. I won't talk to this clean friend again about her. If I never hear anything about those messages I'll consider myself to have dodged a bullet there! Felt so stupid afterwards!

    I took to the internet. I couldn't help myself (I'm on a planned 3 week gap between my last contract and the next. Just the way my profession operates) I did some looking into fiancée. Turns out he's done exactly what addicts do. He's isolated himself from those that care about him. There's a recent post from a female friend of his saying "we are all here for you, please call us. We love you" This tallies with what my friend said about him. He fell out with some of his family/friends last year (not sure why specifically but I think we can guess) I actually feel a bit sorry for him. Go back a couple years and he's in love with a beautiful girl. Going on holidays to Europe. At events suited and booted. Like he had a decent life. No mention of drugs. But all that's seemingly fallen by the wayside.


    Thanks for reading. All comments welcome.

Comments

  1. Scloud90
    I read all of your blog posts and I think if you posted a condensed version in the coke or coke addiction forums you would probably get more help.

    It's pretty common for addicts to switch up their drug use once their drug of choice stops working or becomes too difficult to manage. They might get all cracked out and then decide they want heroin for comedowns and etc.

    In all honesty she needs a huge wakeup call before she realizes that she needs to stop. I know it's hard when there's not many people in this world that are ever really your friend so it's difficult to not try and keep the peace, but in all honesty it sounds like she doesn't want help, if I were you I would make one attempt to show her what she's doing and then if she doesn't realize she's basically marrying her drug habit and not someone she loves there's not much else you can do to show her how stupid she's behaving.

    She is emotionally draining the fuck out of you, the more effort you put in this relationship the more shitty you're gonna feel by getting your hopes up and then shot down by every little thing she says or does.

    Not to mention the fact that she's pretty much turned you into a compulsive liar when you're with her cause you're addicted to her as much as she is to drugs.

    You both need help getting some perspective on what you're dwelling on in you're lives. That is just my opinion, but it's coming from someone who is just like you, I invest in friendships and most of the time they don't work because most humans are selfish by nature.
  2. NicoMc
    Thanks for the comment scloud90

    I've just posted part 6 of this blog. And overall I'm far happier about her this week than last. Like you i wish she would just stop, but there seems to be a slight attitude shift towards not so much. And that's a start.

    I personally think a huge wake up call would not work. So whilst i appreciate the advice, it's not something i will go in for yet. Though if she was still like last week, this week. I may have done. It's an ever evolving situation.

    btw I don't think she will marry him. I suspect they'll be over in a few months. Current thought is she'll cut back a bit for money/wedding/holiday reasons. He won't and eventually it'll come to a head. (Probably with the oft used phrase - "Why do you want to change me or my mates or hobbies" As she's now getting on with her Dad better. She's actually more likely to walk if it gets silly. Since she has an viable alternative to living with the fiancée. She can go back home and it be ok again.

    I will agree that she was draining me emotionally for a while last week. I was deeply invested in it and my mind (and appetite!) were not in control Part of that as i say is because I'm currently not working so have a lot of free time to think about it. When my new contract starts i will be less able to think about her. Not sure I've become a compulsive liar though. She's never been in doubt as to my position on drugs. And she's NEVER offered me any.

    Thanks for the comments of course. Sometimes we need to hear alternative points of view.
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