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  1. perro-salchicha614
    7/10: Would bang.

    That's how a friend of mine who frequents 4chan describes me. In other words, pretty enough for a night of (probably intoxicated) sex, but not truly attractive.

    Which leads me to my question: Is the Internet bad for women? I believe that it is.

    When meeting someone in a normal, offline context, a variety of factors come in to play when deciding how attractive he or she is. The sound of someone's voice, his or her mannerisms, even scent come into play. That is how people sized each other up for thousands of years before they began meeting online. On the Internet, where communication is stripped of every form of sensory input but the visual element, looks are everything.

    For the >95 percent of women who aren't nines or tens, this leaves us feeling obsolete and unwanted.

    Anyone who gives the Classics more than a cursory reading can see how persistent the ideal of feminine beauty has been in Western culture since ancient times. However, in an age when communication takes place primarily through a visual medium like the Internet for many people, ideals of beauty and technology combine to create an artificial environment which is toxic to women's mental health.

    On the Internet, a woman isn't just comparing herself to the prettiest woman on the block or in her social circle, she's up against potentially every other woman in the world who has an Internet connection. The sheer volume of competition makes it likely that she will encounter someone against whom she feels she doesn't “stack up.”

    Anyone who looks at Victorian pornography will notice that the women pictured virtually never meet today's standards of beauty. They aren't tanned, they haven't meticulously stripped away all of their body hair, they often have stomach rolls. Mata Hari, who was considered very desirable in her day, would not be considered beautiful by today's standards.

    The fact that images are so easily reproducible today has led to the homogenization of beauty and an environment in which the vast majority of men admire only one type of “look.” This cannot do anything but lead women to become preoccupied with meeting an unattainable standard and diverting their energies from more productive endeavors.

    Any woman who values her mental health will not spend too much time online.

    Author Bio

    perro-salchicha614
    Opium fiend, bon vivant, and all-around pain in the ass.

    Annoying others since 1982.

Comments

  1. Joe-(5-HTP)
    It's true that someone's appearance is a significant criteria in their attractiveness to others for many people. But it seems to me this would only lead to your conclusion if we assume the premise that people should come to the internet primarily in order to be attractive to people, no?
  2. foremoreaddict
    The problem with pornography is not that it reveals too much but far too little. The internet can be a dangerous place for me too but the real danger is in my own mind.
    Here's a poem I wrote of my struggle with my sexuality and addiction to pornography since an age far too young to know any better:

    I hate slacking off with whores when I'm trying to row with the flow.
    Oars are good when you see them for what they really are, and not just a tool.
    We're all in the same boat so let's fix the holes in our net and keep; love afloat, fish in the sea and pollution out.
    I've been a miner for an ore at the core of common unity.
    It's a fine line that keeps me searching for a heart of gold.
  3. detoxin momma
    All I have to say is this, looks are a very small piece of the equation, in my opinion.

    Take it from someone married to a man that could be a fricken GQ model....Looks are only important when we are young, as we age, we realize there are other factors much more important.
    good looks can only carry a person so far. If a relationship is built on physical attraction only, there will come a time when the people involved have to dig deeper if they want the relationship to last.

    I will tell you what my kids pediatrician tells me about comparing people, dont do it, no 2 are the same.

    as a stay at home mom, i feel the opposite about your last line...my activity has never been high on DF, and DF is the ONLY "social media" I use...and i mean that.
    no facebook, no twitter, no snapchat, or whatever else people use, only DF.

    I feel like my online activity actually helps my mental health. ive learned alot here....:vibes:
  4. perro-salchicha614
    Joe, I think that even when a woman isn't actively looking for attention, she can still internalize what she sees negatively.

    On fetlife, there's this page called K and P (kinky and popular). It's the stuff that gets the highest number of "loves" (analogous to a "like" on Facebook), and most of it consists of pictures of 20 year-olds with perfect bodies.

    Of course, the older women love to bitch about it. It's very hard for an average-looking woman not to feel bad about herself when looking at that, or at least it is for me.

    DM, I see what you're saying, but I think that for a lot of women who post their pictures on social media sites, it isn't about finding a meaningful relationship. It's about getting their ego stroked. We all need to feel good about ourselves somehow.
  5. Joe-(5-HTP)
    its hard to know what do to about the vast inequities in physical attractiveness. Even though most females would not be 7/10 and many would kill to be that, it's still not 'the best'. Though that is of course partly subjective, clearly there is a 'majority opinion'.

    Not sure I have any answers there. We aren't gonna change human nature.

    Maybe think about this analogy. Imagine a business person who had made 7 million dollars but was unable to be happy until they'd made 10 million. Wouldn't you rightly criticise them, but is that analogous to your case? Maybe not I dunno.

    I certainly don't like the approach many take which is to simply lie and say everyone is beautiful and special etc. Ta unfortunately not the case. I think it's really a cowardly thing to avoid acknowledging the validity of the suffering of others in fact.

    In my opinion everything valuable that we really want in this domain comes from relationships and love and so on. Sexual attractiveness is not the most important thing there, so that's something. Where you happen to be in the pretty girl pecking order is not going to determine such things fully, only make it easier or harder - never impossible or certain. So I'd say there's always hope.
  6. foremoreaddict
    Well don't look then. If I look at porn or lustfuly at any images of women I just end up feeling lonely about what I don't have and women in real life start becoming ugly. I have the same problem, but to a lesser degree, if I fantasize about women in real life too because they start to not live up to my fantasized expectation of them. When I don't look at porn and fantasize the women around me become much more beautiful and their personalities start to become much more desirable.
  7. detoxin momma
    I agree with foremoreaddict, dont look at that stuff.
    could it be that the reason those types get the most "likes" is because that is the age group most likely to be online liking photos?
    That seems like the obvious to me.....

    what a BOY wants, and what a MAN wants are 2 completely different things. There are alot of guys that would tell you, yes that chic is perfectly bangable, but marriage material, no way, and we're in our mid 30s, not our 20s, so who gives a shit what 20 year olds like!

    just because 1 person labels you with 7/10, doesnt mean another person wouldnt rate you 10/10, or 1/10 even.....
    Perro, in 2017, I hope you fall in love.....;)
  8. foremoreaddict
    My taste buds will usually rate candy, chocolate and anything with a high simple sugar content that is not fruit a 10/10. I used to binge on the stuff and not care but now I realize I can be tricked by my own senses if I am not carefull so sugar goes in the bin at a 1/10 for my health. My taste buds can go get fucked until they learn to detect real food.

    When my sight pulls me away from what I am really attracted to about women my confidence in myself goes and my "would bang" rating is about 1/10. But when I work hard towards building strong disciplines in my life my "would bang" goes right up and so does my ability to resist any woman who only wants me for that.

    I want a women who is capable of being a good mother. One who is; patient, smart, kind, forgiving, honest and trustworthy. One who reflects my own hard earned qualities. One who would rather stare deep into my eyes than measure me up to what other guys look like. One who can see my flaws but loves me anyway. One who will be by my side through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health so long as we both shall live.

    And I am willing to fight uncomfortable fleeting feelings of "would bang" ratings for the sake of my longterm happiness.
  9. perro-salchicha614
    I see what you're saying... Paradoxically, I never judge a man's attractiveness based on superficial qualities, just mine and other women's. I think I do that because that's how I feel that society as a whole evaluates women.

    What really irks me is when people project their admiration for an attractive girl's looks onto her other attributes. If she acts sweet, they think she's an angel. If she's smart, they think she's a genius. If she has a smidgen of creative talent, she's the next Dali or Picasso... I have seen men "ooh" and "ahhh" over so much bad art on fetlife because the woman who did it was pretty.

    Meanwhile, a less attractive woman can have the same qualities in equal or greater measure and get little or no validation for them. I don't think people are usually aware that they're doing this.
  10. foremoreaddict
    It seems you're looking for a man that doesn't superficially project admiration of a womans looks onto her other attributes. Which I can admire. Way to go. Stand up in the face of adversity in a world of fakery.

    Don't be envious of these women feel sorry for them. How are they supposed to grow if they never get constructive criticism because are being lied to for ulterior motives. Are you really looking for fake attention?

    "Ooh Perro you're so good at(insert something you're not actually good at)" Now can you give me some attention back or can I now use you and discard you when the next thing that glitters and grabs my child-like attention comes my way like a cheap plastic toy the week after Christmas.
  11. tasteful
    There's a lot of truth to this. You see this same thing going on with women who post dolled up photos on Facebook and then reel in the most ridiculous pile of adoring comments. Indeed not just about her looks but about how smart and accomplished she is / will be. This sort of thing happens with men as well.

    I do think it's pretty unfair that we treat people who are generally considered beautiful better just because of their appearance. And people who are considered "ugly" get the other end of the stick sometimes! It's pretty awful.
  12. foremoreaddict
    Some have glossy covers and others deep narratives.
  13. beentheredonethatagain
    My dear girl, if some reason you are questioning your attractiveness, let me say that I find you very attractive and quite luring. Not just with your beautiful looks, but with your clever writing skills, your knowledge, as well as you have been a shining member since coming here.
    You are
    hot in my book!:cool:
  14. rawbeer
    This is an unfortunate instance of our ancient genetic programming overriding our intelligence and logic, relative newcomers on the scene. We know it's wrong to judge people based on looks but we can't help but do it - even unattractive people are just as biased.

    The nonsensical ratings guys give should not be given any sort of credence. Guys calling supermodel Kate Upton fat, or saying Jennifer Lawrence really isn't that hot, etc. I think in all honesty it's a defense mechanism; if you can't have something you pretend you don't want it. Sour grapes. Those lying assholes would pay $1000 to masturbate on J-Law's thigh, but they gotta seem cool and tough.

    I've always found something about the standard American "beauty" look, typified by Pam Anderson or someone like that, to be off putting. Part of it is when I see women like that they just remind me of girls that treated me like scum when I was young! (It's no accident I find glasses attractive). It just seems so sterile in a way, so one-dimensional. It's like bland white cake with tons of icing - yeah it's sweet. Yeah I'll eat it, but compared to baklava, or chocolate pretzels or something with some complexity and mystery it's just boring.

    So what's a 10? The ancient Greeks, among other cultures, realized that actual perfection was NOT beautiful. The world is not perfect, and it's the small flaws, the wonderful little tensions and contradictions in something or someone that actually distinguish them. Perfect Beauty, as Freddy Mercury says in "Fat Bottom Girls", wears kinda smooth after a while. It gives up all it has at first glance. True beauty is not so obvious and unfolds itself slowly - such a woman becomes more beautiful each time you see her, as her mystery unfolds itself and draws you deeper in. A 10 just gets plainer and plainer each time, until she's just a bowl of generic vanilla ice cream.

    Most people can't decide for themselves what they like so they like what everyone else likes. They buy into idiotic standards...when it comes down to it, we're just very well equipped monkeys, slaves to genetic programming, and not nearly as smart as we'd like to think.
  15. perro-salchicha614
    Thank you, rawbeer. I always enjoy reading your comments. Yeah, those girls made me miserable in high school too. I wish more guys thought like you, but I have a feeling that most of them don't.

    I'm going to be turning 35 in about a month, and I'm not handling it well at all. When I was younger, I always dreaded getting to this age, but now here I am.

    I don't think it's a coincidence that my substance use/abuse has gone up over the past few years as I've begun to age visibly. This stuff is a huge trigger for me, but since I'm trying incredibly hard not to get into an opiate habit again, I just wind up drinking. Which doesn't even make me feel better half the time anyway...
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