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  1. Mick Mouse
    My daughter broke my heart today. She officially became a high school drop-out. No plans, no dreams, no nothing.

    Why is it that SHE quits school, and I am the failure?

Comments

  1. ZenobiaSky
    It's hard not to base our own accomplishments on how our children turn out. The hardest part is when they start making their own decisions, and even though you know they aren't the right ones, there is nothing you can do, but let them learn the hard lessons themselves.

    But, just so you know, I don't think your failure!
  2. Beenthere2Hippie
    You are not a failure. No way. We are all born with our own personalities and possess free will. No matter how much nurturing and encouraging we give to our children, they are free spirits who must choose their own way in the world, whether we like it or not.

    I came from an affluent background and was the ONLY person on either side of the family to quit high school. The shame they all felt was tangible, but there was nothing I could do. I wasn't on drugs, wasn't a trouble maker, wasn't pregnant or any of the other thought-of reasons for kids quitting school. I simply hated traditional schooling. Long story short, I got my high school degree, then my college degree and spent my professional years as a newspaper editor and later a public relations manager. Things worked out, you could say. But I wouldn't have changed a thing. I needed that time to grow inside before I returned to school. Your daughter may as well.

    We are not all made with the same cookie cutter. Some of us need to travel different, unpopular roads before we settle into the norm. Accept your daughter as she is. Continue to encourage and love her, as she is and come to terms with the fact that this is HER life and she must work out the details her own way. Have faith that she will. Your love of her is your best insurance that she will.
  3. MoreGutzThanGlory
    As parents we all have dreams for our children, and want the best for them. As a parent it is extremely hard to watch our children make mistakes... we just have to remember as a teenager, their life is far from over- they are just starting their journey.
    I remember when my oldest son told me I was the worst mom in the world to want him to go to college...and when he had a son when he was 20, he still was pissed at me for wanting him to go to college. By the time my son was 25 he was working at a bank, and was totally excited to tell me that he had opened a savings account for his SON'S COLLEGE EDUCATION. It was all too easy for me to ask him if he stopped being mad at me for all the screaming matches we had about him not going to college.
    Of course my son had toooo much ego to say I may have been right about college...to this day he works in the banking industry, and is held back by his not getting a college degree. He makes great money, and is highly intelligent, but any position he wants requires a college degree.
    Man is not measured by his success at child rearing, but is measured by continuing to encourage our children no matter how idiotic their choices are.
    All children hurt their parents often by their choices, but we continue to love them through it all. :vibes:
  4. SoozyQ
    I couldn't agree more with beenthere2Hippie.

    It is so hard to let our kids go to make their own mistakes.However, school is not always all it is supposed to be. So many kids are miserable but keep going , sometimes to make their parents proud. Your daughter has courage to make her own way.

    Keep loving her and have faith that she will find her way. You are not a failure. You have raised a young woman who can make her own way in the world. We can't protect them from life's pain, but we can be there to love them.

    There is no point being at school, not really learning, just to please someone else. And you are definitely not a failure because your child drops out of school.
  5. Mick Mouse
    All of her life, I told her she could be anything, go anywhere, do whatever she wanted, as long as she finished school. That I would make it possible, no matter what cost or personal hardship.

    Just finish high school. That is all I ask. Every other thing is negotiable, and I will lay the world at your feet, if you do this one thing for me. That has been the mantra for the past 11 years.

    And the killer is that she is not unintelligent. She aces SAT, ACE, and all those other standardized benchmarks. She tests out with a very high I.Q. She learns quickly and completely.

    But she is bored. The material is so retarded that she would rather spend her time on more important (to her) things, and I can;t seem to make her see where that path ends up. I cannot communicate with her effectively, and that is my failure.

    Of course, there is more to the story, just like any other story. Bounce back to the "My Daughter" entry in my blog for a little deeper look.
  6. MoreGutzThanGlory
    She has dropped out of high school... She can always finish online, which may be a good solution for both of you. However, when she grows up a little bit, she may want to go to night school for her diploma. I know how disappointing it must be for you, but move into a different phase of options that you can offer her.

    Is she working? There is nothing wrong with making her get a job and start paying you rent if she doesn't fulfill her obligations that you want from her.

    I was never so relieved when my sons graduated from High School, because they start spreading their wings, and making decisions for themselves, not realizing that they are not in a position to emotionally make these choices on their own yet. Kids these days think they have raised theirselves, and that we as parents did little or nothing to help them along the way.:crazy
  7. SoozyQ
    You mention boredom. Could I suggest a book called 'The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn. It is aimed at teenagers who would like to home educate. Have you ever considered this option. It could be a win win for you and your daughter.

    Best of luck :)
  8. Mick Mouse
    I pulled her out of her Junior year of high school because of bullying issues (she is in a same sex relationship.....in a small rural town!) and we did the blended/on-line education thing, which didn't work. Many of those courses are geared towards individuals who are behind because of a variety of issues, and she was never behind. If anything she was too far advanced for her grade, which led to boredom.

    But hope springs eternal, right? At least that that is what those who have tell those who have not.
  9. Mick Mouse
    Well, she seems to have come to her senses, and will be returning to school in August. And all I had to do was point out that getting her GED would take about 12 weeks, while finishing high school would only be 9. Plus an explanation as to just exactly why I feel that education is a must-my grandfather dropped out of school in the 6th grade and my dad dropped out but went back to get his GED. I was the only one to finish high school and go on to college, and I want her to pick up where I left off and carry the family colors proudly into the future.

    But we will see.
  10. Mick Mouse
    Tomorrow, she will finish her first semester of college. She has decided on engineering as a career. How fucking cool is that!
  11. Cwb20022
    Thats great. I can only imagine how proud you must be.

    I wish yous both the best of luck for the future.

    Its tough being homosexual in a small close minded town. Believe me i know.

    You seem like a great father. And your daughter is lucky to have you in her life. If my parents ever found out i was in a same sex relationship they'd. Disown me and probably try and send me to one of those. Pray the gay away camps.

    I always love when a story has a happy ending.
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