A cheesy death

By Gallama · Mar 22, 2014 · ·
  1. Gallama
    Who would win in a fight to the death, a burly burrito or a light spry taco?

    Burrito Supreme
    Thicker wrap
    Super beefy punch
    Aggressive and territorial/Fights to the death

    Solitary hunter
    Obvious attack pattern

    Lettuce/Tomato attacks
    Roams in packs

    Weak/Less endurance
    Small size

    The Battle
    The burrito supreme slowly enters the clearing, sensing something is amiss. The forest around him, usually teeming with life, is dead of all sound. Within the shadows of the trees, three generic tacos lie in wait to ambush their prey. With great vigor they spring from their hiding places and encircle the seemingly helpless burrito. The tacos believe they have already won, but the burrito has girth equaling the three of them combined, and a ferocious disposition. The burrito may be sluggish but he is not stupid, years of ancestral combat tactics have been passed down to him. The supreme takes the initiative and charges headlong into the nearest taco, hoping to crush him with his beefy fist. The taco quickly sidesteps, firing a diced tomato into his open side and tearing a small hole in his tortilla flank. The first cheese has been spilled, but the burrito is determined not to give his opponents an easy time. The other two tacos jump for a double assault, one assailing from the front and another from the rear. The burrito launches a deadly bean barrage, striking the opponent in front of him in midair and violently tearing open his floury underside. However he did not have time to handle the opponent behind him who landed upon his well folded backside. The taco takes a firm hold and begins ripping at his exposed shell. The burrito attempts to shake him off but the taco has a firm grip. The third taco has already circled back around and takes advantage of the distracted burrito, slicing straight through the struggling burrito’s left eye with his razor edged lettuce leaf. The burrito emits a roar of pain! things are looking grim, but thinking quickly the burrito performs a rolling maneuver, knocking the breath out of the taco that had straddled him. Heavily injured and blinded in one eye, he knows the deciding moment is near. The two remaining tacos attempt to settle the battle with continuous long range tomato attacks but the burrito dodges adeptly. Taco 1 stealthily heads towards the burrito’s blinded left eye. Taco 2 sprints in for a frontal assault but is quickly torn to pieces by the burritos powerful rending beef mandibles. But by the time the burrito dismantles his opponent taco 1 is already on his blind side. A fatal blow! The lettuce blade rips through the burritos shoulder, causing him immense pain. He swivels to meet his assailant, but it’s too late. The taco has already taken its distance, knowing the the fatigued burrito could never catch him. It has turned into a waiting game, the burrito doesn’t have long until it’s injuries overcome him and he passes out; becoming easy prey for taco. Suddenly the weakened burrito collapses. The taco moves in for the kill, eagerly awaiting the well seasoned meat he is about to consume. The taco sinks his teeth into the beefy flank of the burrito, but suddenly his neck is encircled by a beefy fist! The burrito had only played dead, knowing he could never catch his opponent. Slowly the thick, powerful fist of the supreme crushes the final taco’s larynx. The burrito crawls off to heal his wounds, leaving the mangled remains of three tacos behind him. Victorious, he lives to fight another day.


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  1. Poppi
    Oh my...LOL!

    You know what I honestly 100% not lying thought of this vicious fight to the death? Prepare yourself!

    What if the Burrito Supreme was a pseudonym for a fat, throbbing penis and the Tacos--well, you can guess the rest! "the burrito has girth equaling the three of them combined, and a ferocious disposition" indeed!

    Crystal meth + graduate degree in English + phallic imagery = hilarious :D
  2. Gallama
    I see where you got that hahahaha. It really didn't take much stretching either. And I had always wondered why you were such a skilled writer, now I see why :applause:
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