A peak inside the mind of a bipolar mother...

  1. detoxin momma
    i have so much to say, so much to ponder, so little time....

    scratch that, i have nothing but time....start over. no i can't, here comes a little one, this is not important,maybe later....

    ok, now, i have a minute.oh wait, the phone, arrrrgghhhh, "hello" ehhhhhhh " ahh! damn it,where was I?????
    must not have been important, i'll remember later...

    ahh yes, what if, a person has more control over where there mind goes than we have even touched the tip of.
    without even being on drugs?
    Tip of, like a tip of a penis!?
    great, now im horny...gotta eliminate certain words from my vocabularly....traumatizing.

    what if certain drugs, or even certain psychosis' can open pathways, and the trick is to trust what comes and goes threw these pathways.
    what if an individual can play an exact scenario out in their minds eye? what if that 'play' really can happen?

    here comes a little one.....not important.....save it for a rainy day.

    ahh yes, where was I.....the sun,Look how shiny it is today, i wanna go outside! i had something to say, but its slipped back deep into my psyche, cant pull it out far enough too put into words, but i can stilll see it. try harder...

    hard! theres another one of those words......
    how did this happen. over night it seems. every word has a new found meaning. some seem tainted to a point i feel guilty even using in my vocabulary.

    would i feel this way if i were single? no kids around? i had something so incredible and deep i was thinking on, but i lost my focus, where'd it go, i see my focus, dancing around in the back corner of my left eye, why do you tease me so, focus, i need you.....

    lets see here, hmmmm, oh yes, i remember.
    what if, when a person 'leaves' there body, they never truly recover, they gain access to certain parts of the brain.
    i believe its 100% possible for a person to experience an out of body experience. this can happen from drugs,a car accident,a serious illness, or i believe, even being put under for surgery,many reasons.

    the trick is to not be scared and hesitant to 'return' to the actual physical body.
    wait a second, there goes that focus i need so dearly to make a point! grrrrr.

    do you hear the bells ringing in your ears? why can't i turn those off? they sound very peaceful, but, it would be nice if i learn to tune them out as i please...

    did you see that!? i saw it!? are you blind!?
    oh well, guess its just in my mind. good thing i trust my mind. i care more for my mind than my physical body. is that normal? for some it is...
    of course it is, the body is temporary, the mind is eternal....

    oh how i wish to keep my focus, i need you so, the world feels to spin almost at a stand still, as if perched at the tips of my fingers,like a clutched hand.

    maybe it will return tomorrow.
    maybe i should ask my doctor for performance inhancing drugs so i can write:(
    can't beat em, join em.

    maybe none of this shit really matters, maybe im just entertaining myself, doesnt matter i suppose.
    aaaand now i gotta kiddo coming. maybe i'll have time to write tomorrow. sigh

    and now i have a headache. benzo me up,lol...

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    Author Bio

    detoxin momma
    Just trying to make it threw life one day at a time.....


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