FULL DISCLOSURE: I'm really just trying to get this whole accepting where I am with my use and my forays in to the the realm of recovery. I've got no idea what I'm really talking about here---any and all guidance and suggestions would be appreciated.
It would appear that I'm at that point in my career as user where I'm not a user so much anymore as an addict. I know this is a part of fixing my shit and getting my life back together. I also think I know the answer to this and probably don't need to write all of this down, but it might spark an interesting discussion (who knows?).
Is "addict" a binary or analog term?
I had a whole thing ready to go defining both terms and scenarios providing examples of both ways of looking at the situation, but I need to face facts. If User A who has barely used compared to User B who has a longstanding career of use, feels that he (User A) is an addict, then he is free to identify as such. If User B had to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the bathhouse and in to the light of day before he decided to identify as an addict, he is just as much of an addict as User A.
I was going to attempt to pose that there are degrees of addiction, but I suspect that's handled in another aspect of the harm reduction/recovery sphere entirely. I think that I'm mostly encountering reluctance to take on the mantle completely because I believe that I had my use in check but got caught on a really bad day.
Having written that out and read it back to myself, I realize that is completely foolish. If the people I care about most are given cause to directly confront me on the issue of my usage (regardless of how well it was concealed) then I am an addict.
Help me out here---addict is more than just a term used to describe someone who craves a substance, correct? Here's the NA definition:
While I've found that NA tends to be a little too Old Testament for me (woo, denial!), I think this is a pretty solid, albeit general definition of addiction. I can think of at least three things off the top of my head that my usage plays a major role in my decision making.
Wow, you guys.
My name is bravez, and I am an addict.
...that just happened.