Tapering.. 50% down from my highest dosing point so that means one is halfway there right? Gotta get off this methadone.. holy shit has the clinic system in general and one's clinic in particular gone to crap. Power tripping nazis who treat you like less than human- even when you have years of clean UAs and program compliance.. one has GOT to get out before something happens to worsen this situation.. not a good feeling. Though she had been thinking of tapering beyond going from preg dose to pre-preg dose (typical to do) and actually wanted to try a taper before discovering pregnancy (taper while pregnant is very dangerous to baby so that's a no-no), she knows she has the right reasons and a stable base, but this external pressure and resentment does not a conducive recovery environment make.
Kiddo is well, insane to have a toddler who has taken first steps, has three words, and a very strong will.. they grow so fast.
Swim is sad she is missing MAPS but recently found out she'll be able to go to the Science of Consciousness BioEthics forum in Madison, WI with Nichols, Dennis McKenna, and some other awesome speakers, some new to her and some she saw at World Psychedelic Forum in Basel.. so she is so pleased at the synchronicities and the way the universe has again given her what she needed and wanted even if it wasn't exactly what she thought.. things have a way of working out..
I have set the goal of obtaining my initial skydiving license this summer, second jump is TOMORROW! So excited. Maybe that will have to be my "fix" lol.. it is interesting from those I have spoken with how these activities often overlap- an outpatient group I used to go to does an annual skydive trip, a friend online and his friends do an annual "junkie jump" for those in recovery, etc. The same mindset that makes us seek out stimulation may overlap here.. I am intrigued to delve into the psychology of this further, although many seem to dismiss such notions as "type T personality" or "sensation-seeking" as unnecessary labeling or generalizations.. I still think it is an interesting theory and worth exploring its possible roots in the brain.. I do however think there is something to it-- at least for me myself, I cannot claim to speak for anyone else.. but we have both conscious and unconscious within, instinct is a part of us and we too are animals.. studies show that animals do have certain traits based on genes and other factors- ex. the mice that will approach the clear glass walkway, and those that will shy away.. (try to find reference though this is a blog post not a dissertation lol- anyone whose taken psych 101 will know what i mean) but i think it's an interesting idea to explore.. not for the sake of broadly generalizing people, but for finding out how and why our brains work the way they do. And labels, while often detrimental, can also be a way of discovering what we have in common, or why our brains do what they do.. seems relevant to me.. *shrug*
Personally, I have always wanted to skydive, have para-sailed, etc. love rides (waterpark, amusement park, whatever), love working with my body (yoga, tai chi, running, etc.), horseback riding (until I had some ethical qualms.. still unsure on that one), and love a challenge. So it fits. I am pretty sure I know what I want, at least some of the time, and right now this is it, so I will work hard to achieve my goal. I am also the kind of person who will try most anything at least once (at least if it's reasonably sensible for me at the time, and not completely insanely stupid- but that is all relative in some ways no?)
Anyways, very exited about this new sport, and the new family that seems to surround it, plus incorporating my kiddo into the mix- gorgeous weather, other kids to play with- very family friendly area and I think it will be great fun this summer.
Also planning a trek westward after finals are done this semester in May for a few weeks- I NEED a break from my hometown, wonderful as it is at times, and life in general, and some new adventures (with an old old friend, and a good dose of west-coast wisdom and old friendships' magical boost of rejuvenation of the spirit and new thoughts to carry homeward) so that should be good.. other than that, this summer will be loving the outdoors with the kiddo, and vogages through the sky and beyond of all sorts.. new people, places, mind-states, and body-states.. relaxation, exploration, a break and a challenge all in one... cannot wait for school to end Camping too is on the agenda.. a few local festival and music events, would LOVE to do rainbow family camp but honestly unsure with kiddo's age and not going with others who have been if we'd be up for it yet.. something to explore further, any feedback appreciated
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Ah life.. MMT taper halfway done, and taking up new adventures for spring/summer
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