Move over mephedrone, there’s a new legal high in town.
You'd be forgiven for thinking after the recent mephedrone explosion in the UK that the law for classifying drugs is a joke. How could laws designed to protect innocent people against the terror of drug abuse be sidestepped to allow millions to try this killer drug? Mephedrone is now wanted by the home office for participating in murder in numerous UK locations, the people who overdosed or mixed it are unwanting victims of this addictive substance, and can in no way be blamed themselves for what it did. Some "liberals" proclaim that drugs are “morally blank” and unaccountable, like weapons are, using the logic that its what people do with drugs that makes them dangerous not the drugs themselves. Hogwash. Mephedrone killed my mate, and raped his sister. And these were not your typical irresponsible drug users, they always made sure that they did not drink water while using meph so they did not drown, and mixed it regularly with heroin and GBL to take the edge off.
But alas we appear to have not learned our lesson from the tragedy of mephedrone, there is a new even more "fun" chemical high that’s legal to buy and cheap as chips, and chances are you have heard of it. Headshops all over the UK have been setup to sell this legal high, but unlike mephedrone this new high has been available for many years and so many headshops are now old and established buildings. The most common street name for these headshops that specialize only in selling this new high are often referred to as "pubs", where the addictive legal high ethanol is sold by bar dealers to anyone over 18 in its liquid form, usually in "pints" per hit. The main effects from this ethanol (nicknames alcohol, booze, woof woof and devils jizz) appear from users to be loss of motor skills, trouble balancing, nausea and in high doses puking, feeling ill and death from respiratory arrest.
The bare facts are that more people now die every day from abusing alcohol in the UK than have ever died from people using mephedrone alone. We decided to quote this figure to a (quite controversial) advisor at the house of commons to get his verdict.
"I think that the news has done a terrific job of helping people accurately find out about the dangers of plant foods like mephdrone, people should stay way clear of hard to tax loophole drugs like this. And its odd you should mention alcohol as a *legal high* though, as not only an hour ago on my lunch break I was in the pub and necked a few pints, as I do everyday before I crack open the whiskey at home. I'm fine, I dont know what all the fuss is about. Drinks are different to drugs you know"
Following this startling admission of Drug abuse my a member of parliament we investigated further, and were staggered to find out that in fact the majority of politicians are too infact junkies for legal highs, and regularly use alcohol, especially at social events. Not only this but the manufacturers of this new drug ethanol have lobby groups to influence politicians into selling as much of this legal high to the population as possible, and like the dealers that make it the politicians get loads of revenue from it due to their tax, a very clever way of drug dealing indirectly.
We decided after to interview someone with a bit more integrity, Nick Griffin of the BNP, to get his views on the subject.
"In my opinion all the politicians using drugs like alcohol should be sacked for failing drug tests and for actively pushing this legal high on the general population. I've no problem with foreigners using it, or black people, or Chinese, or dwarfs for that matter, as their population is in need of reduction; but to sell this to patriotic/racist british people is pure treason"
Despite ethanols worryingly low LD50 combined with the fact that it contributes to the majority of UK traffic fatalities and its proven neurotoxic effects on memory of brain cells; it looks like legal highs like this are here to stay.
To help people understand the difference in effects between mephedrone and alcohol these are some quotes from online forums of peoples descriptions of the effects of both:
" As soon as I took the mephedrone I felt anxious, I swear my heart stopped and for 17 hours I ended up continually bending down to tie, then untie, my laces again to take my mind off it."
" It came on and I started sweating, I nearly blacked out eventually. I did feel a positive pins and needles feeling for about a minute in my toe, but this was countered by my entire nose falling off, followed by my entire face "
" I felt great for a bit but then wanted to mass murder people and become a paedophile. Its not worth the risk "
" Are you looking at me? Your a fucking cunt "
" oi ... lemme try-ta get bwack up i finnk ivve shitt innn my ppants "
" Wasson on then darling looking good baby! *slap* "
" Yeah was nice for a bit but felt really toxic the next day as I had a really weird feeling that some people call a 'hangover’ "
As you can see both have so many bad side effects that people often forget what the good effects of each are.
So children, now this article clearly demonstrates the risks involved in these "legal highs" don’t fall for the word of mouth and don’t take politicians as an example, legal highs like Alcohol are just as dangerous as every drug. The "barmen" who run these pub headshops are the scum that make this whole system work, and all just for a bit of personal gain in money. If you ever find one of these pubs we advise you to phone the police to arrest the barmen and landlord and save the people inside from drinking any more poison, despite the ridiculous legal status. They will be happy in the long run as we’ve rigorously found out making this article, based on the five or so people whos quotes we handpicked, that legal highs like alcohol kill.