So, I'm sitting here at the kitchen table earlier this morning, looking for things I can put together for the letter carriers food bank drive (every 2nd Saturday of May, put non-perishables in a bag and leave them for the mailman, and they will get dropped off at the local food bank), eating a cinnamon roll and smoking my morning bud, and I started thinking.
Now, as we have all seen both here in the blog and in the forum at large, that can lead to dangerous things! My mind goes off on tangents that have little or nothing to do with whatever it was that I was originally thinking about in the first place! half the time, the original thought gets cast aside and forgotten, as if it never existed to begin with. Anyway, I started thinking about being hungry. It must really suck bad to go about your day in a state of hunger. While I have personally been on the receiving end of hard times more than once or twice, I was never hungry. Starving hungry, I mean. Not "don't have enough money to eat on yet, but I won't go to sleep hungry" hungry.
From there, it went to "how would I make a difference if I was stinking, filthy rich" thoughts, which are always entertaining. Especially when you are somewhat stoned from your meds, as I currently am! With the lottery money that I'm going to win, it's rainbows and candy for everyone! I'll have my ranch and I'll live in the Caribbean where it never gets cold, and I'll have the boat that I have always wanted (an authentic 17th century Brigantine, a la all the famous pirates. Its name? Queen Anne's Revenge, of course! or perhaps the C.S.A. Alabama.), and I will give loads of money to the causes I feel strongly about, like Wounded Warrior Project, Children's Hospitals, Literacy Project, groups that take a stand against hate crimes, especially against our gay and lesbian and transgender friends and family, or against violence to women and children. I get quite unreasonable when I think about people who commit those types of crimes. Quite unreasonable!. I could fund the forum and all kinds of other good deeds that can only come about in your dreams when you win tons of money.
Finally, my thoughts led full circle, and I started thinking about the individuals I could meet. I could go to all of the Chicago Cubs games and meet the players. I could travel and meet people from the forum! At that thought, my mind suddenly seized up. I started to mentally compile a list of the people here that I would like to meet, and I realized that it was....well, pretty big! At the top of my list? Well, that would be a hard decision, so maybe it would be easier to make a "top 5" and put them in no particular order. misssparkles would definitely be there, as would Docta. I would love to sit down and have a conversation with misskatie, hang out and burn one with Meow Tse Dung,and compare the pros/cons of hashish and marijuana with TBBW. I would definitely want to meet Joe! I would like to meet rocman's friend Dave and kailey_elise, and without a doubt Emma and Dan. Who you all know as Iceflame and Burnz. I think that Iceflame's "spawn" sound like a handful, and it would be really cool to know them. Kicking it at a GD concert with al-k-mist and veritas.socal!
Hell, maybe it would be easier to just charter a jet and fly everyone to one location for a party! Ahhh.....the things we would do if we were only filthy rich. I could fund this place forever. I could help those who have crippling medical issues or bills or those who need a decent place to live.
I could make a difference in the lives of those I know and love.
Isn't that what we all want, deep down inside? To know that we are remembered by others, that we have done something in our life that was worth remembering, that our life really meant something? Well, I don't know about everyone, but that is a thought that has been on my mind once or twice. I suspect that it is a side effect of the aging process, but I don't really know for sure. It seems reasonable though, as we get older and (gulp!) the end of our allotted span draws near, it is only natural to stop and reflect back on our lives. To see if we have made a difference in the lives of others. For the vast majority of us, there is the added pressure of the fact that it is a requirement-yes, I'm talking about kids, children, ankle-biters, curtain-climbers, spawns of Satan, or any other title you want to hang on the little monsterous bundles of joy. We are required, as responsible parents and adults, to make sure that our kids do better than we did. At least that's the way it is supposed to be. That's the way I was taught anyway, and that's the way I teach mine-make things better for the ones who follow.
It is something that I will continue to think about, throughout the day, and I will undoubtedly comment on it further as the day rolls on.
Right now, I have to take the "baby" (she's 15) to her friends house so they can go to the mall. It would appear that there are clothes that belong to her in the stores, she just has to go and pick them up. I shit you not, that is exactly how she told it to me!
OK, that is done and I can actually get back to this and finish my thought before it vanishes completely! My point is this, while it would be cool to meet people in real life, it obviously won't happen for the vast majority of us. But that doesn't mean that this is the only form of contact available. For instance, I have free long distance in my telephone plan, so I can call anywhere in this country, for free. I'm sure that others have the same, or similar, plans. Obviously, this would not be of any use to those who have privacy or security concerns, but I will talk to anyone who would make the effort to call me. Hell yes! Just as I would call anyone who felt comfortable inviting me to do so.
I don't know, it might just be a stupid idea. Especially given the state of fear that is rampant in today's society regarding privacy and stalking and people who are just plain fucking weird. Still, I think that it would be cool to be able to know some of the members as more than just random fingers on the other side of the computer screen. To know that, say like if you were having a problem in your recovery, you could have someone to call who you "know" and who knows you and your situation. Or if you are passing through, and are looking for a place to crash for a day or so. Or even just to talk about mutual or shared interests!
For some of us, it would be cool to just have a friend to call, to have a real person to talk to, once in a while. I guess it would really involve taking a chance, but, like Bob Dylan says "When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose".
If you ever find yourself in a position where you "ain't got nothing to lose" and all seems lost, call me. If you just need someone to talk to because things are overwhelming, call me. I can't pay your bills or make your life perfect, I can't remove your addiction or wave my magic wand and make all your problems go away, but I can listen. I can laugh at your jokes and cry with you when life really, REALLY sucks. We can talk about dogs and gardens and kids, the troubles we have seen or the things that bring a smile to your face when life is unfair.
This is really really crazy, and I have been sitting here for quite awhile now, hesitating before I hit "save". I know that I am potentially leaving myself open for the weirdos out there, but it might just be an interesting experiment. If you would like to participate, PM me and I will give you my number. OK, here goes nothing!