swi just got the call, another former friend has od'ed and is no longer with us. i'll quit sugar-coating it: he's dead and he was a junkie, so who should give a fuck? well i do give a fuck. yeah, he was a junkie. yeah, he was an addict. yeah, he's ripped ppl off in desperate times. but he was my friend, and in rare moments of clarity, he helped me. he encouraged my moving and getting clean.
sorry if this makes no sense, but it's my blog so i guess it doesn't necessarily have to.
when will these types of calls stop? when will 6 months go by that swim doesn't hear about friends bein incarcerated or dying? and usually it's the latter.
i am angry and sad. i tried to talk to another frined about this, and he basically said, 'well he was just a junkie, what did you honestly expect?"
i learned not to expect much of anyone but myself, so i don't know what i expected. but this person was much more than 'just another junkie.' he was a sweet caring person, and he was my friend. and to those who would write him off as 'just another junkie,' i have this to say: who the fuck are YOU to judge and say his life was worthless? he helped me get clean, and now he's reinforcing my decision to have done so. who the fuck are you to write him off as 'just a junkie'??? i was too at one point, does that make me any less human?
^^apologies to the reader for all that. i am deeply saddened by hte loss of a friend, and the fact that someone else close to me took such a nonchalant stance stung quite a bit. i've noticed this tendency before though, the tendency to treat individuals who break social taboos (not just about drug use, but in general) as sub-human is ubiquitous. i think that got to me more than anything (other than the passing of a friend, obviously). i'm leaving the post as is for now. don't quite know what to do at the moment....
i know this won't show up, as i'm a silver member and i know the rules changed on that. i really just needed a spot to vent about this and didn't want to start a thread on it, as it's still really raw and i am having trouble with it.