This weekend is a bit of a mile stone for Flossy, for those of you following this blog other than me, know Flossy has mental health issues also. This weekend signifies one year since she was last hospitalized. And yet, she is afraid, she feels she has truley reached her breaking point and the only thing keeping her going is meth. That silly philosiphy she was trying to sell herself, yeah total BS, we are talking full relapse, and I KNOW you can't be doing that while on methotrexate, next dose is on Tuesday and labs later in the week. But I think until she falls she won't quit. Flossy's cow friend died yesterday. I can't explain the sorrow, there has been too much loss already this year, and how do I go to this convention in two weeks without her. I know it is what she would want. And yet, everyone wants to pull me in 20 different directions, and sometimes, these peope are really getting on my nerves, I'm really at the end of my mental and physical rope. (you know your beat, when a mix of ritalin, adderall, and meth won't keep you awake any longer). Flossy has a way of giving into people, even if it's not what she wants, cause she wants to please everyone. But really when did saying no, no longer count. Flossy says NO... yet they beg, she let's them know it's not what she wants... but it doesn't matter. I know you must think she has awful friends, they aren't so bad, I just think lately she can't deal with it. Actually I think lately she is tired of it!!!!!! Not to mention the cat she rescued ever since he got neutered, will not litter train, he poops in the box, but OMG I just can't clean up any more messes.. it's getting stressfull, but I've put too ,much money into her cat to give up. If all of this keeps up, Flossy WILL end up in the hospital. And when I think about it, that might not be a bad idea for her... ther ability to detox on a mental health unit, and getting help with coping skill, cause obviously she has forgotten all the ones she knows. But she would actually have to admit she has a problem to someone official.... not like me or on here. Like her therapist or case manager, but she has a lot to lose, and fears being honest with anyone. The last time she was in the hospital she admitted having an addiction problem to her Ritalin... even told the police... and yet here we still are. This may have been more of a rant than other posts... but seriously believes it's the only place she can not be judged, or used or... well.... it's her serenity... where she can have time for her, and still help others. Tomorrow is a new day.... and with that, it's off for some much needed sleep (although she realllly wants to smoke... or at least feel the pain from one more line) omg does it ever stop... ok... deep breath, and thanx to those that follow along with us. Until next time... Peace out!!
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