By Potter · Jun 1, 2014 · ·
  1. Potter
    I can't really go into details, but I broke down and backslid two nights ago. I had been clean for four years, I've never gone longer then six months since the age of 14/15. Drugs have never been a big deal for me, but yeah, we all have our vices. This is going to be awkward, summer and all. I was doing really fucking good. Still, it was always in my mind, pretty much every day for the past four years, always there, just waiting.

    Stress got so bad I damn near ruined everything I've had going for me.

    I was getting verbally abused by a boss at a job I really loved. Things got so bad I had considered taking the salt out of the kitchen and cursing the guy's land. I spent my last two days shaking and crying.

    I was doing my best to save that farm, I feel terrible for the guy's mother, she didn't have a clue what a mess things were, she was sweet. I feel terrible for my co-workers, they are going to have a shtty as fuck season if things don't completely fall apart.

    Four years clean. That was good. Maybe I can do better this time.

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  1. ZenobiaSky
    Don't beat yourself up hun, we are only human, and you should actually be patting yourself on the back for those four years!!!!!! If it makes you feel any better, I threw away 14 years, and not with just one bad decision, but years of them.

    In my book, you're doing pretty good, especially since you care so much.
  2. idfma
    I'm with Zenobia. 4 years is an accomplishment, and it sounds like you have no intention of going back to the use you describe in your past. The 4 years make it clear that you can stay out of the life, if you want to--in that sense you made it.

    Besides, I don't completely understand the stuff about the farm, but you were/are under a lot of stress, and that will make us do desperate, ill-advised things. I'm not making an excuse for you either, but you know as well as anybody, that it's done, and it's all how you move forward from here.

    I don't know. It sounds like you might have a lot more serious stuff going on than your relapse--as odd as that is to say. More important, it kind of sounds to me that you have already put that behind you--have you?

    Either way, 4 years says you are capable of as long as you want--I can relate to being hard on yourself, but even though I don't have the whole story, it sounds like you're in a bad spot. Take care of yourself, Potter.
  3. MoreGutzThanGlory
    Geezus Potter,
    I'm sorry you had such a bad few days... You can still use the salt, I'll even help you! ha

    4 years is a long time like the others said, and you never would have been able to scratch that itch til you finally caved, and found out it wasn't all that you had hoped?

    You're going to have the whole DF community picketing for you to reveal the next episode of this riddle. :crazy: :applause:
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