Thieves ruin and tear apart society. Everybody has to work hard to make their money honestly by working a 9-5 job or the graveyard shift, or managing a store, restaurant, or any business. I used to be a piece of shit and obtained thousands of items and money by taking from others. Why though? I don't fully understand. Stealing was my first addiction and many other addictions soon followed when I started abusing drugs.
I remember the first time I ever stolen something. I was 5 years old and took one single roll of smarties from the candy aisle at the grocery store. I remember seeing it, wanting it, and didn't even first ask if I could have it. Surely it would be a different story if I asked my mother first if I can have candy and she said no, than I stole it. I stole it before even asking if I can have any which began my destructive addiction.
I was caught red handed in the car eating my loot under a blanket. My mother knew I stole it but didn't discipline me. I never got disciplined as a kid and I think that has a lot to do with why I ended up addicted to stealing and doing other horrible things as a teenager without caring or feeling bad about what I've done. Why do I think stealing candy as a kid triggered my addiction to stealing though? I believe it ties into my drug addictions later in life. By stealing something from the store I got what I wanted without having to work for it, or getting permission to take it. The candy is mostly sugar (smarties) and that triggered a brain reward that made me feel good while I ate it. This kicked off my addiction to stealing by making my brain believe that getting things for free through theft was rewarding.
After I stole the candy I began to steal more and more. I started out by stealing food. I started getting amped up and excited when I went to church only because I knew where the snacks were that they gave us after bible study. The sugary treats made me crave the act of stealing. And the sugar was my drug of choice which gave me a high of sorts after eating my loot. Well as it normally goes I grew up and sugar was no longer rewarding and I got bored of stealing food. I gained new interests and once I became older and realized money runs the world I started stealing that.
The first time I ever stole money I committed credit card fraud by stealing my mothers bank card to buy a membership to a video game site I used to binge on. For weeks afterwards I felt great as I played with special membership privileges. Till one day my mother found me and scolded me for taking her card. She canceled the membership and my account got banned. She did not scold me enough. I think she only yelled at me for a minute and never did anything else. After this I needed to get my fix again. I started craving to steal again. I did credit card fraud again. This was back in the day when this was a lot easier. I formulated a genius plan at the age of 9. I looked up the form to buy game membership again and learned what I needed to buy. I needed a credit card and expiration date, nothing more. I didn't know how long a credit card number was so without telling her why, I asked my older sister how many digits a credit card had. She told me and I ran back to the computer. I punched in a random digit 6 times along with a expiration date before finding one that worked. And success! It purchased me 6 YEARS of subscription. This cost a few hundred dollars. And some innocent person ended up paying for it and never knew, because my membership never got canceled. This made me feel great. It was a big success that I took pride in.
Eventually I grew out of video games and realized I actually need money in my pocket to buy the things I wanted. I eventually started taking money from my mothers purse, or my dads wallet. I started stealing the physical items I wanted like video games from my best friend. It got so bad that when i was 13 my friend found a stash of old 20 dollar bills in his house. I started stealing those. I took $100 first and blew it at the local store on food and candy. I felt fantastic, every time I stole it I felt high and mighty and had an exaggerated feeling of self worth. I spent that money quickly and wanted more. I didn't want the money itself more than I wanted the high that came from stealing. I soon started stealing over $260 at a time. I remember stealing $20 off my friends kitchen table before his mom re counted it. She realized she was missing some and asked her husband at the time if he took any. They were already fighting constantly and soon divorced, but I caused a nasty fight between them that lingered for a long time. The last time I stole money from his house was when I stole all the money, a little under a grand in old $20's
Money became my new obsession and primary thing to steal. I became addicted to drugs early in my teenage years as well. I stole OTC meds from stores, sometimes robbing the shelves bare all in one visit. I never got caught. I was too slick. The drugs made me bolder, and not giving a fuck I started pulling off major thefts. I was stealing hundreds of dollars a day from stores and manipulating online businesses into giving me free money. If there is any business that is online, you can bet I know a way to manipulate their system into giving me free money or items. In fact, I have a folder on my desktop with word files that I compiled over my 4 year addiction. It's titled "The big book...of scams" making a play on words relating to the bible. It has over 100 different methods on how I can get free money, or free services. Some of the documents are so detailed they contain 5+ pages of detailed text on how to do each scam.
Stealing was a high like no other. Even the drugs I was addicted to while I reached a peak in my stealing couldn't compare.
Today I no longer steal. I realize how selfish of an act it is, and that thieves only destroy communities. My crimes only hurt everybody else in the community. I had to of ruined many small convent stores by taking so much from them every week. Every pharmacy in my town no longer keeps cough meds on the counter and it still to this day makes it a hassle for somebody to get OTC meds because they have to wait in line at the pharmacy counter. Anything I do now is legit. I have done many small time gigs starting things up like selling merchandise online or making things to sell that paid out slightly, but nothing magnificent.
I still have a guilty conscience though. I often think about what I've done and wish I could pay back every store I stole from. I have so many regrets I can't bear to live with myself sometimes. This blog post is a means of coping with what I've done and hopefully by being brutally honest with myself just now and really thinking about what I've done and how much of a piece of shit I was will hopefully resolve some of my guilty emotions.