By DocBrock · May 1, 2012 ·
  1. DocBrock
    There is no 'one last time' There never will be.
    One more hit, then I'll flush it never happens. I feel horrid today. I was -this- close as well, then....
    Go on, one more hit. It won't fry you.
    This morning I'm groggy. I didn't want to take that hit. I wanted to be clear today.
    Huge cannabinoid hangover, and these damn Seroquel the shrink insists I take really don't help. The combo seems fun, but avoid. Niggle-naggle little bites of reason until once again, the scales come out.
    An hour of feeling great is not worth this. Add to that I've built tolerance too. Meh-YUCK.
    I so wanted to be clear headed and stable on my feet today. I wanted the niggles to go away. I want to ride my motorbike but will not ride when I feel like this. It is selfish, unfair and frankly bloody dangerous to ride when even slightly out of it. A self imposed rule that has kept me alive for years.
    It is too far to walk, and I can't do public transport. Looks like a taxi is called for then. Damn. Someone else driving. Guarantee their driving will be awful. Must bite tongue on that one.

    I -hate- relapsing.

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