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  1. Cwb20022
    So this past weekend was okay. Not great but ok. First I've had it with the goddamn snow. Enough already. This is just ridiculous. There was still snow from two weeks ago on the ground. And then another 12 inches. Screw that shit. I'm running outta places to put the shit.

    Then because of the snow my check came 3 days late. Wtf mails supposed to run 6 days a week. That shit should of been here on Thursday. Well I finally got my check yesterday. And recently I've decided to give up heroin. But not without one more good high. So I got 15 bags yesterday. Of coarse not without a bunch of problems.

    First the dude I get shit off of decided to pick yesterday as the day to bs. Over a year he's always good and the one day I really want it he bullshits. So I call the local junkie girl that'll get it for you for a couple bags. Right to the answering machine. Turns out the dumbass is on unsupervised probation. And had to sign some papers. Well she didnt and got arrested for a warrant for failure to comply. What an idiot. She gets a break and still fucks around.

    But like I said another friend ended up getting me some shit. 15 bags of "cowboy" and jus caught a nod. I know my tolerance is through the roof but man 15 bags. I swear these are signs telling me to quit. It was just a bad week for dope. But if everything works that'll be the last time I deal with these problems. At least I know I get my morphine tomorrow. It's fucked up cuz I got like 100 subs. And I'm out buying heroin and morphine.

    Now for the better parts of the past week. I went to take a drug test on Tuesday. I brought my aunts piss. I passed Nd it came out 99 degrees. I'm waiting on the background check to come back. But I've never been arrested so I know there's no problems there. So I officially got hired. Glad I got passed that. And I got the handbook and they DO NOT do randoms. So I'm as good as I can be as far as that goes.

    I spent the weekend with an ex. I really needed to get laid. It's been over 6 months. I feel really bad for leading him on like I do. I've almost been caught with him before. And as soon as I leave him I know I'm not gonna talk to him again until we do our weekend thing in a couple months. Sometimes I wish he wasnt so flamboyant. I know it freaks me out what people think when they see us together. If he acted straighter we would spend more time together. I know there's very closed minded to say. But it's the only way I can think about it.

    He is so weird. He only uses drugs with me. I never seen anyone do that before. And I mean he would use anything I'm using. I feel bad for that to. He's going to college and could have a great life without me. I just don't get why he would fuck with me. By now he knows we're not ever gonna date again. Is he really cool with hooking up every couple months with a drug addict simpleton. I feel like I'm holding him back. But he so damn clingy. I just don't get it. I pull him in and then push him away. And he deals with it.

    I do love him. We dated for 3'years. But that was a while ago. I almost wish he would just say no one of these times. It's too easy to become comfortable. Rather then thriving and being happy. But that's just how it goes.

Comments

  1. detoxin momma
    i hear you on the snow!!!!! im so damn sick of it to!i need some damn sun!

    as for the guy,it sounds like hes more of a friend,and of course we grow to love our friends to...theres sooo many fish in the sea no need to settle...i have a few gay friends that call themselves"bears"...none of that flamboyant shit there lol(not that theres anything wrong with that)...theyre manly men,that love manly men...you can find someone you have more in common with.you know it;)

    not even gonna comment on the heroin...you already know what needs to be done it sounds..kick it before it kicks you:thumbsup:
  2. Cwb20022
    Hey thanks for the comments momma. Yup it snowed again after I wrote that. And now its warm and gonna rain so probably gonna be some flooding. As far as the ex goes. I don't even think you could call us friends anymore. More like a sex buddy. Unfortunately I like straight( at least acting) guys. Not a bear. Lol. Just someone manlier then me would be cool. And I haven't touched dope since Saturday. I can guarantee I ain't messing with that shit no more. It screwed my tolerance up big time.
  3. Firemonkey
    Hey Chris,
    Don't be so hard on yourself! Big congrats on landing the job! That must make you feel good knowing you'll have a steady income, with more financial security and the chance of leaving home. It will probably be hard for your dad but he'll cope - and it's also good he's getting the financial support owed to him, as well as the medical care he needs.
    You have your own life, too. Brave decision to give up the hammer. Don't beat yourself up if you do happen to slip up on the odd occasion; it's very common as I'm sure you're well aware. Please be really careful with adding those extra substances...that's where the big trouble starts.
    When I decided to quit the H, I slipped up many, many times before I was ultimately successful.
    Love to talk with you more - if you have a PM, that would be great.
    Meanwhile, look after yourself; you come across as a good and decent guy - far too good to be lost to something that, surprisingly enough, when you're off it, you'll find you hardly ever think of it - let alone want it! Been down your track, so I know how hard it is to quit. However, once done, you'll find life is considerably easier.
    Very best wishes to you, man. Keep up the good work and stay clear of the ER!!
    I'm batting for ya,
    Vic.
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