So this past weekend was okay. Not great but ok. First I've had it with the goddamn snow. Enough already. This is just ridiculous. There was still snow from two weeks ago on the ground. And then another 12 inches. Screw that shit. I'm running outta places to put the shit.
Then because of the snow my check came 3 days late. Wtf mails supposed to run 6 days a week. That shit should of been here on Thursday. Well I finally got my check yesterday. And recently I've decided to give up heroin. But not without one more good high. So I got 15 bags yesterday. Of coarse not without a bunch of problems.
First the dude I get shit off of decided to pick yesterday as the day to bs. Over a year he's always good and the one day I really want it he bullshits. So I call the local junkie girl that'll get it for you for a couple bags. Right to the answering machine. Turns out the dumbass is on unsupervised probation. And had to sign some papers. Well she didnt and got arrested for a warrant for failure to comply. What an idiot. She gets a break and still fucks around.
But like I said another friend ended up getting me some shit. 15 bags of "cowboy" and jus caught a nod. I know my tolerance is through the roof but man 15 bags. I swear these are signs telling me to quit. It was just a bad week for dope. But if everything works that'll be the last time I deal with these problems. At least I know I get my morphine tomorrow. It's fucked up cuz I got like 100 subs. And I'm out buying heroin and morphine.
Now for the better parts of the past week. I went to take a drug test on Tuesday. I brought my aunts piss. I passed Nd it came out 99 degrees. I'm waiting on the background check to come back. But I've never been arrested so I know there's no problems there. So I officially got hired. Glad I got passed that. And I got the handbook and they DO NOT do randoms. So I'm as good as I can be as far as that goes.
I spent the weekend with an ex. I really needed to get laid. It's been over 6 months. I feel really bad for leading him on like I do. I've almost been caught with him before. And as soon as I leave him I know I'm not gonna talk to him again until we do our weekend thing in a couple months. Sometimes I wish he wasnt so flamboyant. I know it freaks me out what people think when they see us together. If he acted straighter we would spend more time together. I know there's very closed minded to say. But it's the only way I can think about it.
He is so weird. He only uses drugs with me. I never seen anyone do that before. And I mean he would use anything I'm using. I feel bad for that to. He's going to college and could have a great life without me. I just don't get why he would fuck with me. By now he knows we're not ever gonna date again. Is he really cool with hooking up every couple months with a drug addict simpleton. I feel like I'm holding him back. But he so damn clingy. I just don't get it. I pull him in and then push him away. And he deals with it.
I do love him. We dated for 3'years. But that was a while ago. I almost wish he would just say no one of these times. It's too easy to become comfortable. Rather then thriving and being happy. But that's just how it goes.
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