Broken heart- need advice

By jessilee · Mar 1, 2014 · ·
  1. jessilee
    I am so broken hearted. I dont usually open myself up to people in real life. Im very leery, dont trust many, and I really am terrified of opening up and people going away. Thats exactly whAt has happened.

    Maybe the part of me that has to have the last word, or the part of me that needs things to be resolved in order to move on is the issue... but I cant for the life of me figure out why Kay has stopped talking to me. i called her boyfriend tonight. I wanted to see how her courtdate went. He said it was pushed back. And so i proded.. asked "is she mad at me? What did i do?" He just said, i dont know. And i know of course he knows. Not only that but im sure she was sitting in the damn room. I said. Ok... guess i have nothing left to say. And i hung up.

    Im hurt. So fucking hurt I cant describe it. I bought junk off her for a year. Stood by her. Gave her food when she didnt have any, bought her phone mins... all the while her boyfriend was getting 28grand a month and wouldnt give her a penny. I feel so duped. She totally let me down. I told her all my stuff. Listened to her rant for four hours a night sometimes over the phone. We also had so much fun. Even sober. Beading. Drawing. Talking religion. Men, life. I had never had this with any one person in my life. What did I miss???

    Was that first week of sobriety all we had in common? Do I stop calling?? Do I stop trying? I want my say too dammit. I want to know why. I want a say. I want to fight to keep her up n my life even if she is as messed up as I am. But no way to reach her... is it time to let her go? Am I chasing a figment of drug induced perception of what she gave to me in my life?? Is needing her my old life??

    I miss her. What do I do. I feel abandoned again. I just want a close friend thats like a sister :(

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  1. AlexaN
    I am so sorry, i am sending you a big hug, i so know how you feel....I was also in love with someone who reminds me a bit of what you described here and he ruined me and left me with a broken life and heart.
    The only advice i can give is not to isolate yourself from the world and sink into this abyss, but instead try to find the few people who will not judge, let you cry on their shoulder and support you through this difficult and painful period.
  2. carter 1203
    Hi Jessilee, It sucks your friend is ignoring you. I don't think it's being mad at you, more like she doesn't need you anymore. I had a friend like this. She was my best buddy when I was spending my money and paying for her drugs. Not only for her but also her boyfriend who was a pig, making passes at me as soon as she left the room. So essentially I was supporting both their habits and mine.

    I'm glad I got clean and no longer being used. Wasted so much money on gas getting to and from, bought her cigarettes and food and alcohol for her boyfriend. But yeah, I do miss that friendship we had only because I believed that she really cared about me. In reality she was only looking out for herself.

    I wouldn't call her because she will get in touch if she wants to. I mean, you already talked with her boyfriend so she knows you do care. It is tough realizing that a person you care about can be so cold. Come to think of it, most of my drug using friends were self-centered to an extent. It's the nature of the beast and hard to avoid. I know how you feel though, it hurts!
  3. Cwb20022
    How long has it been since you've last talked to her? Is it possible she's using? That could explain her distancing herself. If she's not using when you do get to talk to her. Just ask her straight up. If she doesn't have a reason then its upto her when she wants to mend your friendship. All you can do is hope for the best. And I hope for the best for you. And I too am sending out a big electronic hug.
  4. Buzybee
    You're a good person, don't get confused about that. Life, friends and substance abuse are a volatile mix. Unfortunately most of us gravitate towards others with similar habits of our own it's the nature of addiction.

    Of course you're hurt, confused and just really missing your friend, myself and most other DF members have experienced similar scenarios. Now comes a hard step, widen your circle start to have contact with others you've actually isolated yourself in a well intentioned path thinking you were helping.

    Spend some of those good intentions upon you, Scarey as it may seem but you deserve just as much attention. Your friend may or may not return but you are still here and in need of love and attention.

    I'd like to say I have the path/answer to all but I don't as you are the one who has your answers. Get a piece of paper and start a neg/pos sheet of things to do or you aspire to do. Find yourself. That's a start and who knows where life and paths will lead ! In the meantime just like yourself to start, remember if you were such a bad person you wouldn't have cared enough to start this blog?

    Good luck on your new journey and beginnings, I hope you find those great friends and inspirations you deserve and if you occasionally fall off and regress that's ok too it's called being human! Buzz and hugs from buzybee xx (who's been there many many times! But still trying xxx)
  5. CaliJungle
    It sounds like she could have begun using again, or perhaps she is focusing on different things now she is sober.

    Either way, let her go. You can only lose what you cling to. Let go or be dragged...etc etc etc.

    You deserve people that want you in their lives, dont sell yourself short.

    This is a shitty thing to happen as you are going clean, one void on top of another.

    All I can offer is my heart goes out to you, youre not alone, and people have come back from the lowest depths of hell and ended up being fine so you'll definitely get through this
  6. been_there
    I have a friend and a similar situation.. We are two people who know the likelyhood of staying clean forever are non-existent. Therefore, we avoid each other for weeks/months at a a time.. It's too easy to get together and enable each other.. Everything involved with meeting up with this person fires off dozens of "triggers". Sometimes you just have to stay away.
  7. jessilee
    Thank you everyone. She did finally get a hold of me. She said her boyfriend took her phone and keys and she couldnt leave the building for 2 weeks due to no keys and it being a security building she would be locked out. She told me that since her lawyer has pushed her court date back twice and she has not entered an impatient program her boyfriend had had enough. 5 felonies hanging over her head. And him paying for a really expensive lawyer she had better dry out or he was done helping her. We had been staying clean... but he wants her in a facility so the judge can see.

    So what does she do.... asks me if I wanted to buy with her. After a month. I said no... but she kept trying to push cause she had no money. I than realized I cant be her friend.

    My heartbreak is subsiding now. I appreciate all the posts here. I needed to hear what others thought.
    And I got the closure on this friendship I needed. This truly was a learning experience.
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