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    PLEASE HELP
  1. Count Quagula
    Recovery...

    I think quitting meth should be called anything but recovery.
    Readjustment, reconstruction, recreation, replacement (by the way is my new word of the week), rehabil... No that word is too similar to recovery.

    I like the words re-rock, as well as retreat. Two things I love to do.
    So why am I thinking like this... well why the fuck not?

    DAY FIVE & STILL NO DOPE!

    I can't sleep, including profusive cold sweats and the appetite of a pregnant women. And to top it off, I can't even take a fucking shit! I'm like a bloated, lethargic vegetable. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Who cares because im starting to go numb. Like... psychopath numb. You know, spider crawling across my face as I lay in bed but don't care to flinch.
    Yep, that type of numb.

    Oh and it's bad!

    Anyways, I like drugs. Actually, I fucking love drugs and I miss them too. So who cares if I'm still smoking trees because I feel like I need my Debbie back!

    I was day dreaming about smoking dope earlier this morning while driving and almost ran this kid over on a bike. I don't remember what he looked like but I do remember drooling over the act of obtaining a fat ass sack of dope and opening up the bag to begin the shard selecting process. "Because here at Shardvard University we only select the finest shards!" That's what I used to say as I picked out a rock to load. Yeah... and I want a really thick glass bowl but only in a quag and I would use a torch too. Yeah... I would also hold my hit in. Fuck a cloud! All it would take is just one ghost hit and my God would I be free again!

    This is exactly what happens when I smoke dope...

    ...It's a feeling of my nuts literally cupping up (goodbye saggy balls) and becoming hard and tight. Practically clenched up in my stomach as precum drips from my cock. At that exact moment my sex drive skyrockets through the fucking roof! I truly become pure sexual energy (kinda like the devil). And I also become a pussy eating machine. I've ate until my eyes burned and face red because my entire profile was drenched in cum. Oh do I detail pussy when I'm smoked out!

    I'm your girlfriends new best friend!

    Joking! But seriously I'm not joking... and it's not just sex or my urge to cum in or on women. But I also love to smoke cigarettes when I'm high. There not as enjoyable sober. But when I'm high... Ooohhh do they taste so good! An entire pack in 8 hours type of good! And I can't forget about the cotton mouth I would get, to the point where my two front teeth are stuck to my lip as I mumble on about what ever the fuck was being talked about.

    And then there's the mind... which totally expands. I literally become smarter and have the courage to be myself which attracts the opposite sex more than one could possibly believe. My knowledge intensifies like flowers blooming in a time lapse sequence. I can hold a conversation about anything and be able to link it to a similar topic on something Ive studied or know a lot about.
    Also, my mind becomes sharp! So sharp I can actually feel the energy from the people around me and my gut instinct becomes unbelievably accurate!

    Sorry If I seem to be rambling on. I'm just letting it flow.
    This is my true vision which is being excercised through the process of creative writing.

    Tina I know you want me, but can I contain myself?
    Thinking about it more and more and even fucking more!
    I realize drugs made me who I am today.

    Crystal meth you complete me...

    Recovery

Comments

  1. iwantsobriety
    You got this bro. I know that feeling of selecting your shard of the day. When I recently relapsed for those 3 months I wasn't smoking it because I didn't have a quag or a pipe and I'm sure I could of found one because I do miss those meth clouds. And I would take big fucking hits man I remember impressing all my tweaker friends and shit back in the day. Bro it's not easy I know! And the shitty part is I feel like your sex drive becomes dull when you ain't riding with Tina!

    A few girls tried calling me yesterday but I ignored their call and just texted them back saying I was busy but I'd hang out with them soon. And these are some fine ladies.. no drama or bullshit.. just having a good ole fashioned time.. and enjoying some nice casual sex with no strings attached. I just wasn't in the mood. Eventually I would like to settle down but I hate not being in the mood for sex with a beautiful woman, or two, or three ( at the same time lol ) because I don't have any dope. I know it sounds pretty fucked up but it's true man. My sex drive is there.. but not like how it used to be. And I feel like Tina makes me nut like Peter North if not more! She's a bitch to let go of but remember.. within time eventually you will forget about her! She just makes it difficult to let go but I know you can overcome this shit! You are on day 5 right? I'm on day 4.. so I'm right behind you.. just one day behind you.. I want to see you with both hands in the air going, "FUCK YEAH I AM VICTORIOUS!" Because you are going to post up on day 30 telling all of us how you are clean and sober and feeling like a BOSS! Love you bro.. I'll catch ya on the flipside!
  2. monkeyspanker
    Hi ya Count, You are the 'rough patch' of meth grip right now, She ain't nothin' nice as you already know. I've been there. Your dream was a pretty clear one of what will happen if you continue down the spiral, you know and feel that.

    Your mind and spirit are fighting against an equally strong force (meth). Sex with meth is an amazing thing, but, if you honestly look back, was it?? It wasn't for me, I stopped 4 years ago, yeah, I still catch myself looking at ads for pnp buddies, look at the pics and think...it would be fun, then I just say no! I can have fun without that shit. Seriously, it took me about 2 years to enjoy sex without that crap, lots of soul searching and kind, caring partners that I was open with about my issues with meth, I had ED for about a year and my orgasms were shitty, then one day, it seemed my mind let my body go and I had fun again with someone.

    Like I said, even after 4 years I still feel the pull, and probably always will, mind over matter brother! I know you can do this, it's hard with this insidious drug, way worse than a heroin addiction in many ways!!

    I'm always here for you, peace brother, M~
  3. afriendoftina
    Ok, so. Cool post.

    I can identify with a lot of that, roughly 80%. I'm gay, so all the "women" and "pussy" stuff kinda 'heuabfkfdkjhl". I don't know how to begin to relate. But everything else - dead on!

    Meth makes you smarter, it damn well does. You're quicker, zappier, more engaged and capable. You're interested and interesting. Boredom isn't even conceivable. Everything feels better: sex, cigarettes, other drugs, sitting down...I could go on and on...

    I had my last puff 12 NOON FRIDAY 19th AUGUST. You're doing better than me mate! Keep Going! I've made it to seven days and wrote a blog post about it, but then relapsed. Some people have come off Meth though...
  4. Leanne Harrold
    So did you ever make it?
    Been on and off herion myself for 16yrs. Mainly on.
    Never tried meth, you Dow really see it in these parts (england) crack is the closest we'll ever try.
    Wonder what you're doing ryt now
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