I think quitting meth should be called anything but recovery.
Readjustment, reconstruction, recreation, replacement (by the way is my new word of the week), rehabil... No that word is too similar to recovery.
I like the words re-rock, as well as retreat. Two things I love to do.
So why am I thinking like this... well why the fuck not?
DAY FIVE & STILL NO DOPE!
I can't sleep, including profusive cold sweats and the appetite of a pregnant women. And to top it off, I can't even take a fucking shit! I'm like a bloated, lethargic vegetable. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Who cares because im starting to go numb. Like... psychopath numb. You know, spider crawling across my face as I lay in bed but don't care to flinch.
Yep, that type of numb.
Oh and it's bad!
Anyways, I like drugs. Actually, I fucking love drugs and I miss them too. So who cares if I'm still smoking trees because I feel like I need my Debbie back!
I was day dreaming about smoking dope earlier this morning while driving and almost ran this kid over on a bike. I don't remember what he looked like but I do remember drooling over the act of obtaining a fat ass sack of dope and opening up the bag to begin the shard selecting process. "Because here at Shardvard University we only select the finest shards!" That's what I used to say as I picked out a rock to load. Yeah... and I want a really thick glass bowl but only in a quag and I would use a torch too. Yeah... I would also hold my hit in. Fuck a cloud! All it would take is just one ghost hit and my God would I be free again!
This is exactly what happens when I smoke dope...
...It's a feeling of my nuts literally cupping up (goodbye saggy balls) and becoming hard and tight. Practically clenched up in my stomach as precum drips from my cock. At that exact moment my sex drive skyrockets through the fucking roof! I truly become pure sexual energy (kinda like the devil). And I also become a pussy eating machine. I've ate until my eyes burned and face red because my entire profile was drenched in cum. Oh do I detail pussy when I'm smoked out!
I'm your girlfriends new best friend!
Joking! But seriously I'm not joking... and it's not just sex or my urge to cum in or on women. But I also love to smoke cigarettes when I'm high. There not as enjoyable sober. But when I'm high... Ooohhh do they taste so good! An entire pack in 8 hours type of good! And I can't forget about the cotton mouth I would get, to the point where my two front teeth are stuck to my lip as I mumble on about what ever the fuck was being talked about.
And then there's the mind... which totally expands. I literally become smarter and have the courage to be myself which attracts the opposite sex more than one could possibly believe. My knowledge intensifies like flowers blooming in a time lapse sequence. I can hold a conversation about anything and be able to link it to a similar topic on something Ive studied or know a lot about.
Also, my mind becomes sharp! So sharp I can actually feel the energy from the people around me and my gut instinct becomes unbelievably accurate!
Sorry If I seem to be rambling on. I'm just letting it flow.
This is my true vision which is being excercised through the process of creative writing.
Tina I know you want me, but can I contain myself?
Thinking about it more and more and even fucking more!
I realize drugs made me who I am today.
Crystal meth you complete me...