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Cocaine addiction

  1. A Life Gone Too Soon- Britts story

    We all have our own story, but I'd like to tell the story of a girl I once knew. Her name was Brittany and she was my best friend. Beautiful, intelligent, and out going. This was the girl I first met when I was just 15. We passed notes in class, her care free and open minded spirit was great for my naturally introverted tendencies, she brought out the best in me. We spent the summer after our freshmen year in high school walking the neighborhood, smoking some pot, and sneaking out with our...
  2. Drugs are bad, mkay

    Okay, so I'm wide awake at 4am which probably has less to do with my low methadone dose than the fact I was so tired I fell asleep at 7pm on the sofa. My schedule has been great recently, the best in years in fact. I've been waking up around 8/9am to have my meth and getting up around 10 when it has kicked in. I don't have much to do all day so I've been cleaning and making myself a hot breakfast everyday followed by a long dog walk, driving theory practice and practical lessons a couple of...
  3. Goodbye to Drugs ~ One Addicts Letter

    Dear Coke, Crack, Meth and your powerful relatives, The first time we met I fell in love. Warm was your touch on my lips and tongue. The excitement of preparing you to fully enjoy the passion you had to offer. I loved the lose of control. The ability to not be responsible. I put myself in your arms that always eagerly awaited me. The joy of letting myself go, infected me like a disease - coursing through my veins. Then one day your passion turned to an angry rage. With that hit, I...
  4. ALL-NITE. Drug-related Narrative.

    Car is kerb-crawling, pacing you. Feels like a shark, a white shark. Cops. Fuck. Nah, got to be an apparition. Another 'gotcha!' Cocaine nonsense. Tripping balls man. Risk another wee glance. POLICE. Fuckfuckfuck. Too much. Walk normal. What do they...they don't know shit. Can't know it was you. Was it you? You running payphone to payphone, until finding one 'anonymous' enough to report your own impending death. Made the O-D call, then hung up spooked. Urgency in that...
  5. ...:: and so it goes ::...

    Where to begin? Well, I've lost 45lbs of the 100lbs I gained when I stopped injecting cocaine & went on Risperdal (risperidone - an atypical antipsychotic). Though I loved how I felt on Risperdal, I did *NOT* love gaining 65lbs in just under 3 months! Cycled through a few other AATs, continued to gain weight (though not at the same extreme rate), so stopped taking them. I'm currently on Wellbutrin (bupropion) & clonidine as needed for anxiety. It's working...okay. Could be better....
  6. the reason cocaine is oh so good and oh so dangerous - weird studies

    At any given time I'm in the middles of reading at least three books... I've always done this because, like most people who've had fucked up lives and are intelligent enough to not want to be left alone contemplating some of the choices they've made (and the mistakes they will most likely make again), I hate to be left alone with my thoughts. So I fill my time with reading and writing and watching movies (among other things I won't admit to given the rules of this forum). Anyway, one of...
  7. Playing with fire

    I used to know this girl (a friend of a friend) who statistically speaking, never really had a chance. I will spare you all the gorey (sp?) Mom had her at 15, was addicted to cocaine and an alcoholic that had 4 more kids with a few different men and never really loved or took care of them. OK I guess she did love them in her own way but she sure had a funny way of showing it. Her father was in prison her whole life (she is 26 and he just now got out) and she didn't have any communication...
  8. Rehab Treatment Doctrines - Physical vs. Psycho

    Not having been privy to rehab in a country other than the good ole US of A, my badgers opinion is a little biased and based on 2nd hand information. That said, he would have to agree with his oxymoron named friend (Leftover Crack). There certainly are countries that have worse 'prisons' for those seeking freedom from the substances that occupy too many of their thought cycles (and ATM withdrawals) than is necessary. However, as the self proclaimed 'Land of the Free', my badger believes the...
  9. The Masterplan

    SWIM has a masterplan! The Goal: To get off these fuckin' drugs and become a happy, independant, self-motivated, driven, high-flying mutha-fucka! The Plan: Come off methadone using morphine tablets. Don't top up with heroin. Don't use crack-cocaine. Go and stay with parents for the best part of a month (until college restarts in the autumn) and get totally clean. Come back to London. Go to NA meetings. Start going to the gym or take up Tai Chi (just do something to get fit!). Exercise...
  10. An Essay about What Home Means To Me......

    What home means to 'SWIM' SWIM is not particularly sentimental about home. Home is just a building, a place where she goes to sleep, to eat, to watch TV and listen to music. I suppose SWIM is fortunate enough to be able to call two places ‘home’. There’s the home where SWIM grew up: the place where her parents still live, the place where she knows that she is always welcome to go, the place that SWIM does go back to at least once a year. SWIM's mother still insists that this is her ‘real...
  11. 'you've got a roof over your head and your not injecting in your groin'

    Well, SWIM realises it's been a seriously long time since she posted properly to this blog thing she’s got going, but those of you who know her can't seriously wonder why. lol. Yes, that's right: same old, same old of course.....A lot’s happened in the last few weeks/months and at the same time nothing’s happened. SWIM’s life has continued it’s downwards spiral into heroin and crack addiction, accumulating debt and psychological damage on the way: all of her own volition and done by her own...
  12. Calling in the Professionals.....

    SWIM doesn't know what happened today, yesterday, or the day before that for that matter. This week has flown past in a drug-induced blur once again. How did this happen? Mark isn't here, she can’t blame ‘the boyfriend’. No, it’s all SWIM this time. Monday SWIM rang 'D', she only had a score on her, so i'm not sure what she was expecting, but 'D' invited SWIM around for some beers anyway and then when she got there she ended up getting a twenty deal of white (utterly pointless). SWIM...
  13. Was Crowley a Drug Addict?

    Certainly towards the end of his life Crowley was a heroin addict. He took large daily injections, as much as his doctor would prescribe, it seems. He did take heroin as a cure for asthma. His most fervent admirers like to make excuses for him, but the fact remains. Kenneth Grant, one of his more enthusiastic 'followers' recalls in Remembering Aleister Crowley: "The complications which Crowley found too fearful to contemplate concerned his need for medicaments which he was taking against...
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