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Humor

Funny blogs

  1. Impeccable Timing

    If I were to look at it objectively I would have to say I did better than I imagined I would at one point in my life. I got the education that I planned on, though I was about five years late since the first attempt set me back the first attempt : I went to the community college in the town where I graduated high school the very first summer after graduating. I had spent senior year drunk and stoned (but mainly very drunk). I got away with it though; I had nineteen credits and so only...
  2. Shady Lady-the physical attributes & characteristics of Meth (if it were human)

    If dope were a women do you know what she would look like and how she would act... let me tell you. Debbie's physical appearance: You already know she is skinny like a crowbar... as well as lead promoter of the "Jenny Crank diet." Undoubtedly as pale as the Adam's family and curly hair the same color as cherry popping red, with big green eyes and pupils so enormous she resembles something possessed. And of course she wears a huge smile (revealing fucking dentures)! She also shows...
  3. Getting to know you...

    Sometimes, when you play the game of twenty questions - you play in order to figure things out as soon as possible but I'm wanting to find out all twenty answers. I played this game recently with one of my favourite members on Drugs-Forum on chat. I didn't want to annoy everyone with posting this as a thread so I thought I would blog it, since it's a fairly personal thing anyway and then people can respond at will. And will they should. Haha, but seriously - some of the questions are a...
  4. Crystal Meth and the Seven Dwarves...

    Please note: I wrote this a while back and my situation has since changed but I thought it was a good record of a particular recovery experience that I had... Crystal Meth and the Seven Dwarves This is a celebration of an achievement I am very proud of: an anti-pity party if you will. The achievement being that as of 5pm Monday 2nd May, I have managed to spend the past week on this wretched earth without Crystal Meth – not a puff, wisp or cloud. I toast the following: “Here's to me...
  5. Hashish like a blotter - Intoxicated

    First of all, my english sucks, sorry in advance. This is a really funny - strange story. I thought where to wrote this. This section seemed appropriate. My pink elephant was living with two roommate, a guy and a girl. One day the Pink-Elephant had a lot of VERY good hashish from Morocco. Very soft, very potent. A joint with 0.3 was enough to makes two person high. So, It had a lot of thc inside. The girls one day says: "Guys, we have to cook something with this hash". This was...
  6. Pacing.

    Pacing, I pace, a lot. Here is the deal with me. I have gotten a lot of shit from friends, family, ex-wife, ex-girlfriends and others, for pacing too much. "Why the hell are you pacing so much?!" Is pacing seen as a sign of weakness? I don't think so, do you? I feel like I pace when I am thinking of something serious, especially if it is something I want to protect. Instinct is to pace to me. Why do guards pace or an animal when it is on point and protecting the goods? I made up my...
  7. How to keep a GreenGrenny

    It requires only honesty, as it, itself is actually remarkably soft. Room temperature 27 degrees please and also you will need to provide the following interventions during waking hours: (available at most places Greeny goes....) 3 g meeeeeaaaaow 1 g ganjaman 4 x kronenberg, cold 1 x packet of camel blue straights 2 x 10mg diazepam 2 x 2mg lorazepam atmospheric dnb and jungle sensble pc and audio encouragement around eating, tea suggestions etc/ open to interpretation sexual...
  8. The Pot Parade--From a Baby Boomer's Perspective

    If you're young and are basking in the illusion that you and your generation alone are the first to discoverer all the splendors of cannabis, this blog will probably be of no or little interest you. But if you, like me, are an older member who has been smoking weed since the Beatles were still together, pull up a chair and read along. Marijuana--weed, pot, hooch, gunga, whatever you choose to call it--has been the one drug in my life to consistently make me happy and cause me no negative...
  9. One Sliced Tomato

    Bad storm is brewing up. I saw it in the leaves of the trees and then the birds on the roof of the barn. Those old timey signs can really tell the tale. Been busy all evening gathering up all the plants and seedling trays and putting them on the porch. Rugs. Don't forget the rugs. I've lost so many outdoor patio rugs due to those high winds, seen them just blow right by the window one time, gone down the mountain, Lord only knows where they landed. Worked hard all day training an ex barrel...
  10. I Wanna Be Like Alfa

    I was only here on DF for about two days when I discovered that the person I most want to be like is Alfa, the man who is what cool is all about. He’s witty, charming, well educated and popular, yet he remains forever incognito. From his place of privacy he oversees and handles all, never mincing or wasting words. You just know he’s the kind of guy that people are mesmerized by, as he walks into a room or a circumstance. So I have set out to be like--and liked by--Alfa. The Coolest guy on...
  11. A cheesy death

    Who would win in a fight to the death, a burly burrito or a light spry taco? Burrito Supreme Pros- Thicker wrap Super beefy punch Aggressive and territorial/Fights to the death Cons- Solitary hunter Obvious attack pattern Taco Pros- Lightweight/Speedy Lettuce/Tomato attacks Roams in packs Cons- Weak/Less endurance Small size The Battle The burrito supreme...
  12. Junkies R People 2

    MARCH 16, 2014 (6:56 am) - Sunday Hi Everyone... My name is Gina... and I have been seriously writing, since 2002. I found myself fully submerged in my methamphetamine addiction after about 4 years of using. I remember exactly where I was when I wrote the first pages that I would end up saving and compiling over these past 14 years. I remember that I was in my new apartment, where me and my two daughters lived. It was during the night, and it was quiet. My girls were sleeping...
  13. Featured

    5 Reasons Why Being a Moderator Isn't As Cool As You Might Think

    Ah, online message boards... These days they are found in mass quantities, with a wide variety of generalized or more focused topics, on the vast expanse of the internet. Like many of you, I've visited many, and of these all of them have had moderators. As a forum grows, they become necessary to maintain order, ensure that the rules are being complied with, and to generally assist in making the place more enjoyable for everyone involved. On a forum which has become as large as DF has,...
  14. Walkin the dog

    I don't want to write right now, I've been up all night and the last two hours was spent texting to my most recent ex and former-semi-frequent using partner (back when the relapse began) but I didn't want to have the conversation. I really loved her but man we were so toxic for each other. She wants to remain in contact, remain in each other's lives but I don't see the point. I can talk about love all day but all I have to do is look at the results. Love doesn't take you to this place. Love...
  15. Grumpy Bastard cleans up

    To the Benevolent Order of Addicts and Alcoholics [BOoAA] I didn't get to bed until about 4:30 am but that's actually normal for me sober; but, normally I'm up by 10 and although I woke up around then to some chainsaws I went right back to sleep after taking care of the pressure in my bladder which is probably what really woke me up. I managed to get out of bed by like 1430 but I didn't get out of the house to the Post Office until around 1630 I had some of the "electric nightmares"...
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