Chapter Five: Making the same mistakes over again

By ZenobiaSky · Jun 30, 2012 ·
  1. ZenobiaSky
    I'm such a disappointment to myself, not just for the relapse, but thinking anyone could like me for me, and not drugs. I had a really great day with "Dude" we talked all day long, we debated, butt heads a few times, laughed, and there were a few things he said that made me feel better about myself. We had spent two nights together and he never made a move on me. And for one slight second, I let my guard down....Then of course my stupid roommate who knows everything about everyone giving me the third degree about "Dude" I'm sorry my life is no longer your business. Actually for the last few days he has been rather nice, but we all know that will come to an end, and it did, he had the nerve to tell "Dude" that he needed to leave because a war was about to break out, then my bff shows up and he starts in on her...... I'm sorry but when you don't pay rent, or any of the bills, or buy any groceries you have NO SAY who can be in MY house and who can't. It really made me feel good when "Dude" stood up to him, and said he would leave when he was ready to, wasn't his place to tell him to leave. Finally about 6 he headed on his way, we laughed, especially when he said it was amazing how fast the days went when he hung out with me. And then he gave me "the friend" hug... so I was a little confused by this, but oh well, not like we would actually date, he is 12 years younger than me... But when flossy got a new shipment in today, I was soooo excited to share this with him, especially since he knows I don't smoke weed.... I realize we were both up all last night, so when he told me he was too tired to, I should understand, but no instead I feel like it's a personal stab towards me.. I am pretty good at self sabotaging thing. Of course my friends are all worried especially after how my ex broke my heart... But when doing meth you look at things through a different set of glasses.. and I

    There's a tweeker for you finishing mid sentence and forgetting all about it... that was Monday Evening.... I fell asleep about 6am slept all Tuesday till 6pm..... and that's where things get a bit weird.....

    I'm having trouble talking about what comes next.... some of you know..... but I will finish when I feel I can recount the things that came next... right now .... I'm still really freaked out about having a psychotic break feeling possessed... what ever it was that happened to me that night that has changed me, taken a part of me... and scares me to my core...

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