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  1. D0pe
    Chuck Norris VS Withdrawals Plus Peoples Comments: Warning Chuck Norris is watching do not insult him..



    As any one ever withdrawalled from Chuck Norris Blood ? I here there is only one person to ever try it.. And it is Chuck Norris Himself... He is the only person who has ever been able to survive a lethal dose of Chuck Norris Blood.. In Theory... Chuck Norris has enough of the drug called Chuck Norris Blood in his veins to Overdose and kill everyone on the planet 50 times over.. Just 1 Nano Gram of his Blood is suspected to be still even a strong dose...

    Research at Harvard University had a brief sample of Chuck Norris's blood.. The obtained it from a super top secret sample of the inside of Chuck Norris Mothers Placenta.. This Placenta is kept in a lab... As there is enough of the Chuck Norris drug in this placenta to make everyone in the world a drug addict for life.. A blissful life if anyone was ever able to properly measure a safe dose.. They also concluded that it could cure cancer.. But a rare side effect of the Chuck Norris drug would be that everyone could eventually evolve into Chuck Norris "or a Dolphin" If another Chuck Norris was more this would disrupt the space time and cause possibly a life ending rift in space and time....

    The only thing that could save us then is a Flux Capacitor and everyone knows that they actually do not exist...



    Chuck Norris Blood is like the equivalent of Heroin, Cocaine, and a long list of other drugs.. When you do it its like heaven on earth and it is 1 millions times more addictive than heroin. The withdrawals will kill you even if you taper.. The drug will kill you even if you do 1/1000th of a drop... The only problem is Chuck Norris Blood is the rarest drug on the planet...

    Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer, The only problem is.. Chuck Norris does not cry..

    When Chuck Norris jump into a pool , Chuck Norris does not get wet, The water gets Chuck Norrised..

    When Chuck Norris Parties hard, Chuck Norris Does not throw up, He throws down.....

    When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

    Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

    Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
    Cancel rating

    There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

    Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

    If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

    Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

    Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

    Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

    Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

    Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
    Cancel rating

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.


    Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

    The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
    Cancel rating

    The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.


    Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element Chuck Norris

    When Chuck Norris watches Dora, she doesn't ask any questions.

    Chuck Norris can cough in 7 different languages.


    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hailey's Comet, it returns every 76 years to see if he is still alive, it then leaves in fear.

    Chuck Norris once threw a grenade, it killed 50 people. THEN it blew up.

    Chuck Norris doesn't fold paper airplanes, he folds airplanes into paper.

    Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies............... As The Force.

    Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.


    Chuck Norris special orders his pencils without erasers because Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.

    Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

    Chuck Norris doesn't mow the lawn. He goes outside and dares the grass to grow.

    Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secretk Norris does not cry..

Comments

  1. Pharfromsober
    Chuck Norris attacks sharks when he smells them bleed.

    Behind Chuck Norris beard is not a chin, it's another fist waiting to kill you.

    Those are the only two I got you covered the rest of them.
  2. D0pe
    Has anyone seen the Video of Chuck Norris doing the splits on the wings of 2 air planes.. Just search in popular video site: Chuck Norris Air planes

    His beard was flying the jets... And he had a bunch of Navy seals standing on his head lighting flares.. It was Epic and sent chills down my spine..
  3. been_there
    As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
  4. D0pe
    No Chuck Norris took a dump and out popped the Miami dolphins..

    Oh and If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever...
  5. been_there
    I like yours better. Hate the fins.. Pats baby!
  6. D0pe
    Like i said in my previous post... If you enjoy quality chuck Norris jokes you need to check out the viral internet video.. Its Titled Chuck Norris Jets, Or Chuck Norris Air planes..

    Chuck has one foot on one wing of a jet and another foot on the other side of the jet.. It has some soft music playing in the background and it slowly zooms out from his face to reveal navy seals standing on top of his head... Then as the scene goes on the jets fly a little bit apart and he goes a full split "On 2 jet wings in the air" The whole time he has his arms crossed and is looking emotionlessly into a void..

    Pretty funny video.. Had some great graphic work on it.. ""It was all CGI but looked pretty real""

    I have not met another person that shared the same enthusiasm over that video.. Anyways it was pretty awesome and i have to give a thumbs up to the people that produced it.. It was Super Bowl commercial material for sure.. Never say what they are advertising on the clip. It just wished people a Happy holiday and new year.. Then a Australian voice speaking in the back ground.. I am not obsessed with Chuck Norris or anything.. Just love the bland humor of the chuck norris jokes.... They stuck with me for a long time. Some people get them and laugh and will tell a few back, Some people will just shrug and say wtf ? are you stoned or something..
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