Disclaimer: All situations, and experiences stated below are that of a fictional character known as Flossy
How did my quiet life turn into a situation where I found myself deep in a life I tried to avoid, and I found myself in danger, the type where people can make you disappear. But I was deep enough that I had people at the top of the food chain assuring me that I was in no danger, they were making sure I stayed out of the on going feud I got tangled up in.
The game has changed since I was once so deeply surrounded, these days people don't hesitate to shoot you. I was being told things I wanted no knowledge of, which is what was putting me in danger. Before it would all end, I would have knowledge of every who the heavy hitter were, every move made, a look into the increasing violence happening in this town, and the details in a "murder".
I mean wtf was I thinking? Today I found out that the men involved in this "murder" of an informant had pled "no contest" and received life in prison and I no longer had to fear the knowledge I had. But by today, things have drastically changed. Today I have been clean for about 2 weeks. I cut out the negative people that I had somehow surrounded myself with, and started working on getting my health back to where it should be, got my head clear, and am thankful I woke up in time before I had dragged myself under to where I knew I was heading.
Meth is no joke! And the people involved in that lifestyle, they aren't good, honest people. No matter how much I try to see the good in people.... that shit turns them evil. I don't want that life, I don't want to be under the narcotics radar again, I don't even wanting my name in their ear. Been there, done that, got over it 20 years ago, don't want to do it again. So know if you want to mess with that shit, it only brings bad people, and the bad out in people. And I want nothing to do with it!!!!
My place was supposed to be the safe haven, the place a person could go where they could get away from "those" people... from "that" life, chill and relax... the next thing I knew everyone wanted a ticket to the "safe house", it just takes one person to ruin it for everyone... the day I was told I was going to be supplied with a gun, and I was watching crack being manufactured in my bedroom... well, that was enough for me. I called the "enforcer" and had him clean house. After a few days, he left too... that's when my life began again.
Yes I know what your thinking, not the first time she said she was done with that shit. But I'm tired of losing, tired of losing money, personal belongings, friends, trust, my mind, but most of all, losing this battle with my demon. Today I take a stand and say FUCK YOU to my demon, you can't have my life anymore.
I feel by writing this I'm letting so many people down, and I'm sorry, but that is why I belong here, so I can get this all out, and because I have the best support here in fighting this demon. Two people helped save me this time.... one person here who remains nameless but you know who you are... and my bff, after all she saw, she still stands by me strong.
This doesn't even touch base on all the other crap I've had to deal with, such as medical problems, pain issues... mental issues.... I've known for a year that my use had a time limit, and that limit was about to end, maybe that's why I let it get out of hand. But it's time to face reality, I have an autoimmune disorder that is making me sicker every day, and I can't put off the meds I need to take to get it under control. Meds that mean, no more drug use. And with any luck, no more steroids, and pain control with it... I'll know more next week...
But for now... this story alone has wore me out, along with a lot of other things.... so till next time... see you all around the forums.. and...
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