Cocaine-addicted Squirrels Terrorize London

By dutch-marshal · Nov 17, 2007 · ·
  1. dutch-marshal
    In the end, their neurons function on the same basis as ours and squirrels are getting hooked on crack cocaine in London, hidden by addicts and dealers in gardens. The rodents are digging up the stashes and eat the powerful drug, which comes in small chunks, neglecting their traditional nut diet.

    Several squirrels behaving bizarrely have been observed in Brixton, South London, following a police blitz against cocaine dealers and users, who seem to have chosen to bury their stashes in people's gardens in the streets around Brixton.

    "I was chatting with my neighbor who told me that crack users and dealers sometimes use my front garden to hide bits of their stash. An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds. It looked like it knew what it was looking for. It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot but it kept on desperately digging. It was almost as if it was trying to find hidden crack rocks." one resident told Life Style Extra.

    Other residents too have noticed squirrels turned unusually aggressive.

    "We have not had any dealers reporting the theft of their stash by squirrels but the animal is attracted by smell and if it detects something it likes it will dig it up. These animals are big foragers. If a squirrel did open a bag of crack and start consuming it there is no doubt it would die pretty quickly. I suspect that nobody has reported it because they are a wild animal and when they are found dead no-one cares." said RSPCA.

    America too would face the issue of the crack squirrels, common in parks where addicts roam in New York and Washington DC, according to Internet legends. The drugged animals are known to be aggressive with the park visitors in their search for a dose.



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  1. fnord
    has anyone tested these squirrels blood for cocaine?or are they just assuming?
  2. Alicia
    lol coked up squirrels. its no longer save the children,but save the squirrels! Screw the gray squirrels they ruined it for the red ones.
  3. Lunar Loops
    That may not be far from the truth now. They'll be hanging from the trees in suggestive poses touting for business and looking for someone else to bury their nuts. How else are they going to support their crack habit?
  4. Mint boi
    Lol. Good article!

    On the note of grey squirrels ruining red squirrels, and squirrels on drugs in general:
    from the Irish times

    Plan to control grey squirrel threat with contraceptives
    Seán Mac Connell, Agriculture Correspondent
    Grey squirrels may be given contraceptives to prevent them breeding and wiping out the last remaining 40,000 red squirrels in the 32 counties.
    The immuno-contraception idea has been proposed in a draft All-Ireland Species Action Plan launched yesterday by the National Parks and Wildlife Service (NPWS).
    The new conservation plan said the red squirrel is one of the most threatened mammals in the country and is declining at a rate of approximately 1 per cent per annum because of competition from grey squirrels.
    A recent all-Ireland survey of the greys found that they are now in 16 of the 26 counties in the Republic and in all six Northern counties, and are expanding at the rate of 1.9km per annum.
    In the North the greys have replaced reds in all the counties and the only remaining ones there are to be found in northwest Antrim and western Fermanagh.
    However, while the greys have found their way into all but 10 counties in the Republic, they have yet to cross the Shannon.
    The plan, a collaborative effort between the NPWS and the Environment and Heritage Service in Northern Ireland, has suggested a wide range of options including supporting research into using contraceptives to prevent the spread of greys. Other methods include shooting and trapping and poisoning them by using warfarin, which is banned in the North.
    Future actions identified in the plan included translocation projects, where red squirrels are moved to areas in which they face less competition from greys. Other measures identified included promoting certain types of forestry which suit red squirrels better than greys, and the construction of rope bridges in red squirrel areas.
    The plan proposed the establishment of local squirrel groups to survey and monitor red squirrel and setting up a red squirrel action plan steering group to direct research funding between the bodies in Ireland.
    Minister for the Environment John Gormley highlighted the importance of all-Ireland co-operation on species-conservation matters. "The red squirrel is declining North and South for pretty much the same reasons and a co-ordinated approach to its conservation is necessary to ensure that this beautiful animal remains a viable part of our biodiversity.

    Seems to have worked in some american states with possums. I thought it was funny.
  5. Felonious Skunk
    Well I used to be a proponent of drug policy reform, but this has certainly changed my mind...
  6. snapper
    SWIFnord's squirrel probably picked up the bad habit from SWIits owner and passed it along.
    How's that critter doing anyways ?
  7. rocksmokinmachine
    LOL, I'm sure the picture in the original post is from talk to frank! ha. A funny story, if it's true...

    I'm pretty sure a 0.2g rock of crack cocaine would kill a squirrel anyway.
  8. UndeadPaperclip
    :laugh: The war on drugs is failing so badly now even animals are getting hooked on drugs

  9. bennett211085
    I'd of thought that they would only nibble at the rocks?
  10. fnord
    South London squirrels after different kind of stash

    If they are not launching themselves at you in drug-fuelled desperation, their bloodshot eyes are searching for their next fix, pink paws scrabbling in the ground. Sometimes they seize upon a rock of crack hidden in front gardens, and scarper to feed their addiction.Squirrels in south London could have become addicted to crack cocaine, say residents of Brixton, who suggest the rodents have dug up drugs buried by dealers or nibbled residues of crack on pipes and vials discarded by addicts.
    According to internet legend, crack squirrels have terrorised residents in New York and Washington. But is the Brixton crack squirrel real or an urban myth? The Guardian began its search for the freebasing fiend near the local cinema. "They used to hang out in the little park in front of the Ritzy, twitching ... dancing to music only they could hear and generally creating a malevolent ambience," Londoner Rik Abel wrote in his blog. Ritzy regulars were less sure. "I've never seen one," said a staff member. "But there might be crack foxes around too."
    On Brixton Hill, Bim is not surprised by the spectre of the Brixton crack squirrel. "I've only been released from prison today but I've heard about the squirrels. They are scoffing all the crack, more stoned than me. Have you ever seen cats with hash? Cats always go for hash."
    There is no sign of a squirrel half-crazed on Class As along Coldharbour Lane or Rush Common - but, finally, a possible sighting. "I've just seen one jump down from an old sunflower by the Seventh Day Adventist church," said Reg Throssell. "I locked eyes with it and it stared back at me really confidently. It was scavenging and it looked scrawny."
    But Brixton crack squirrels need not worry about the police yet. "I've no knowledge of that at all," said a Scotland Yard spokesman, firmly.

    sad to say he didint make it. :(
  11. Sven99
    No dammit! We need to regulate the market to keep dangerous drugs out of the hands of squirrels!;)
  12. Matt The Funk
    HAHAHAHAHHA Honestly thank you for posting this article and all the replies in this thread. Im crying from laughter and really needed that today!

    Oh god just reading this thread again makes me keep tearing up with laughter. SWIMMERS have the best sense of humor, especially when it comes to these ludicrous articles!!!
  13. Herbal Healer 019
    This is a true epidemic:cry:...4 the safety of our children and domestic pets, we should imprison all these crack using squirrels with 25-life sentences&(, 1980's style:applause:...
  14. cra$h
    lol, if swim were in london, he'd be following the squirells to find the stashes!
  15. Sven99
    It might work - squirrels are cheaper to imprison than people, and a life sentence for a squirrel would be what? 6 months?:laugh:
  16. Pope Albacore
    We had a problem with cocaine addicted squirrels back in South Dallas. Often they would explode from intravenous use, leaving nothing but their tails and syringes behind for the authorities to clean up. The exploding squirrel epidemic lasted from 1995-1998 and was considered by many Texans to be among the darkest days in Texas history, overshadowing the exploits of Charles Whitman and the deaths of approximately 200 people at the Alamo.

    Luckily, Texas state law now requires all pharmacy owners and/or managers to prohibit the sales of insulin syringes to all rodents and/or wildlife. This includes armadillos, black bears, rabbits, and Karl Rove. If any person has seen or heard of any rodent or wildlife drug use within the state of Texas they are urged to call the Texas Crime Stoppers at 1-800-252-TIPS (8477). You DO NOT have to give your name, and you could earn up to a $1000 CASH REWARD and a handjob from former First Lady Laura Bush.

    -Pope Albacore
  17. TheMainException
    This thread is too much. Although I've actually had friends who would give their cats pot...then one day during a stoner hour, it got hit by a car...they've stopped messing with cats' minds thankfully.
    better watch out, soon these crack addicted squirrels are gonna be

    stopping you on every corner trying to sell u stolen nuts and asking you to

    bum a ciggarette lol damn, squirrels on crack, NOW ive seen it ALL lol
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