Hey forum, friends and visitors,
I continue this story from age nineteen, but it was much more complex, much earlier, as alluded to in the first entry.
I will eventually get back to those times but it is extremely difficult to relive that period of my life(the majority of my teens)both because it contains some of the best times in my life and also some of my finer experiences(not all drug experiences, believe it if you so desire).
Conversely, it holds some of the most horrific, life altering, character shaping parts of my life, to date, and there's been many, and hopefully there'll be many more you never know.
The reason I choose to pick up around nineteen is that that is when I first started forging a relationship with both my prescribing doctor, and his favourite "pain" specialist(squarely in the addiction and withdrawal business now)...
It started harmlessly enough, I was put NSAIDS, Pantoprozale, after a time steroidal anti inflammatories, anti depressants and benzodiazepines Alprazolam, to be exact, or Xanax, for the uninitiated among us, also I was put on Chlorprozamine as an anti psychotic, you could say they wanted me to calm down.
I was also on intermittent doses of zopiclone(max. 30mg and that was late in the game).
This went on for almost fifteen years, much of which I was oblivious to, partly through my own ignorance, lack of adequate resources, lack of access to resources, and plain faith in the guy that had seemingly given back my life.
So I spent months on medications that a. Weren't really helping, excepting the benzos, hypnotics and opiates and b. Made me feel as if I was on another time and space zone to all others and c. Had far more side effects, in the long run, than courses of treatment I had researched to the hilt myself, and eventually proved to be effective.
Anyways, let me introduce you to my doctor, I shall call him...hang on I'm thinking....golem, for want of a better descriptive name, so guys meet golem, he treated me for around fifteen years and gave me almost every benzodiazepine there is to offer(with a few notable exceptions)and opiates upon opiates, though I must stress I have always had a permit for my dosage until January 1st when my permit expired, and no one was willing to keep prescribing, but again, that's skipping ahead.(My permit varied between 380mg morphine sulphate and 600mg in later years).
After a fairly miserable time with conventional treatment, the pain specialist I mentioned earlier was brought in to evaluate.
This was around a year and a half after I had first approached this doctor.
They both recommended strongly, that opiate therapy was my only real chance at having a life, which is true, to an extent, I am certainly dependent on painkillers to function properly.
So, I was started on a course of dextropropoxyphene, with an eye to move up to oxycodone, they were just being cautious because I was somewhat naive to opiates, I had used heroin but not in the way you might think.
So there I went, two months on dextropropoxyphene, god knows how long on oxycodone, then OxyContin, the twelve hour release of oxycodone, a year or two later Anamorph(morphine sulphate quick release), then eight months or so later m.s contin, twelve hour morphine sulphate extended release, then finally m.s.mono, twenty four hour slow release(supposedly)morphine sulphate where I reached my peak thus far at 600mg
This same doctor also prescribed for me, at various intervals, sometimes at my behest but not often;
Zopiclone 30mg a night ( though I never really used that much, I've used thirty mg but I don't require it every night, or didn't).
Zolpidem 20mg if unsuccessful with zopiclone(not that often but I had boxes left over when I ceased it).
Hypnoval,1mg vial,you know those little ampules of IV diazepam they use in ambulances mostly, in "emergencies" as he deemed them, they may have been but...
Oxazepam 30-60mg, I include this because it seemed the most common "alternate".
Flunitrazepam even though it is restricted here he found a way of prescribing it legitimately, I was questioned by airport security and excused.
Chloral Hydrate if he was scared of getting caught for all the modern prescriptions, he wanted to be able to say he "tried everything"(bullshit on the highest level).
Phenobarbital, even though it's illegal to prescribe outside a psychs supervision, he gave me bottles of it.
Tramadol, which, no offence to tramadol addicts, I could never see the benefits.
Every 2nd generation anti psychotic....all of them, useless as they are.
And I believe abilify is a class all it's own in that it's newer than 2nd generation, I think, I'm not 100% on that but that's my thoughts on it so far.
Seroquel, until the drug literally attempted to kill me.
Basically any sedative or cns depressant I could have been given, I have, and now I'm in a quandary, trying to receive adequate treatment after being thoroughly over medicated for sixteen years and trying to rebuild my life.
My doctor has gone into hiding, apparently to return to work in yet another location later this year, but he has altered my records to make me appear an addict, and him, the naive , taken advantage of doctor, he's removed all professional reports including psychiatrists, G.I.T specialists, seizure and epilepsy reports, and maybe most importantly, he's hidden the majority of information that qualified me as a chronic pain patient for almost fifteen years.
Now you might think this bitter, and I agree, I have a good deal of anger both towards my doctor, the medical board that protects him, and the health department.
In my humble opinion it is not good doctoring to convince someone that the treatment is right for you, if all that is waiting in the longer term is unimaginable grief and pain.
In short, I feel ripped off, I can't function whilst my doctor is spirited away on "discretionary leave" soon to return to his former position, all the medical board in this country do is support their doctors until someone dies, then you might see a single licence revoked and possibly gaol terms to follow.
I went to this mans wedding, both his children's christenings(despite the fact for having a fundamental objection to Christianity), I truly considered the man a friend.....
Oh well, Thems the breaks.....
To be continued....
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