I'm really glad that I made it to a double-digit number of sobriety... from oxy that is.
Sometimes I just feel like life is so much for me to handle. Like when I do oxy it's so I can escape all the realness of life and all the bad stuff. So when I stop doing it it bitch slaps me across the face.
I think the hardest part for me right now is that I can't sleep. It's 4:40am my time and I had planned on a yoga class at 11am though now I have already texted my friends who I was planning on going with telling them that I'm canceling because I can't sleep.
It's really the worst part ever... to be alone with your thoughts just persisting and you're like god shut up all I want is sleep. i've been so tired all day and now I can't get any shut eye. What a cruel world.
I guess what keeps me going is that every day I feel better than the one before. I really still feel the physicalness of the withdrawal though. For example my body get's so cold. (and I'm in Hawaii mind you). I think it has been cold but I've been abnormally cold for how i usually am in this kind of weather. And the mental part of this has to be the worst. I can't stop my mind from racing from one thought to another.
I expressed to my co worker my anxiety that I was having and I knew she didn't understand and I don't blame her. I really can't accurately express the worry that comes upon me these days. Like something bad has happened or is going to happen. Pretty torturous. Then again this is coming from me at 5 in the morning so I'm not in the most positive of moods...
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