whew I'm really glad that time is actually passing. Now i'm like rebuilding myself... it's weird though because I just want everything to happen for me instantly. I can't relax I am itching for excitement or just something to make me happy.
I think that I was somewhat naive to think that the restless leg stuff and what not would go away by day 8 (like I posted in my previous blog)
Only now I really realize the extent of what this whole process is. It's so hard. Like I just want to feel comforted and high... but I know my brain is just playing tricks on me. That's the main thing to remember because if I did give in, that would throw away those 11 days and I would feel like trash.
I am a lot happier now, I KNOW I look a lot better. Snorting oxy puts like 10 pounds on me and makes me constantly itch my face so it will become red around my nose. Plus I was looking tired all the time. I'd be reluctant to go anywhere without my bare minerals on because I didn't want to look like a junkie. Now I'm hardly wearing make up because I'm not having to cover up things. Whats nice too is not feeling like I'm keeping secrets or being ashamed of myself because I know that doing that is hurting me and my body.
Some things that have helped me has been yoga, seeing my therapist (I love her), MUSIC, dancing around, beach, ect. The worst thing for me is the intense anxiety I've been feeling today. Mind you I slept for like 3 hours last night but today my anxiety was through the roof. I think they were cravings. Humans are born heroin addicts when you think about it... anyone can become addicted and it's so crazy because I never thought I'd be in this position growing up.
BUT I'm not a bad person. Just because you're addicted to something doesn't make you "bad" and people need to work on their stigmas.
If anyone needs some support or anything get at me.