So I trust my therapist even more now, if that's possible. Part of me thought he was being a bit irresponsible but he really knows his stuff. He knew that my main problem was the anxiety and angsting and that that was feeding my cravings. I didn't want to give in to getting high which meant that I was not able to use the diazepam which is what I normally use to relieve anxiety.
So now I've had 2 full nights sleep and even managed to eat last night. I am feeling SO much better. Feel slightly ashamed of taking abuse doses of diazepam but I am no longer anxious - at the moment anyway. So basically the val is doing it's job and the cravings for H are much less in my conscious mind. I did have a dream last night about having scored and desperately trying to get my hands on some works - obviously the cravings not completely gone. But I dont feel the need to indulge myself with abuse doses of val today, if I get anxious I will take my prescribed dose only.
Tis lovely sunny day, plan to get away from people, walk the dog in a remote beautiful place, breathe deep and watch the clouds rolling by. Then will try to eat some favourite food and settle down to watch a good film later. Wish me luck!
7pm and still val free today, was touch and go earlier and we'll see if I manage to get to sleep without it later, but for now all is well.
Had a great walk with the dog, was feeling very anxious and nauseated from the adrenaline at first but whilst on the walk an amazing thing happened. You know sometimes the universe just throws you a bone!
On my way driving to my walk - I chose to go to a remote and beautiful place where I knew there'd be very few people around and lots of gorgeous scenery and wildlife to look at. I knew I'd enjoy it but for once I was craving some company what I really wanted was to be able to take you lot with me in the little chat box! I nearly went to a local park I sometimes go to as there's this really nice guy I occasionally bump into and like to chat with, but I was feeling really sick so couldn't face loads of other people and decided I was better off alone. Anyway, halfway through my walk I was sitting having a fag enjoying the view when who turns up, but that guy!! I've never seen him there before and he said he hadn't been there since last year!! So amazing, we had a brilliant afternoon chatting and getting to know each other much better and lo and behold he's been around the block himself but like me is clean now, so we had loads to talk about - Fucking Brilliant, just what I needed. Thanks Universe!!! Left for home feeling great......
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