**So I don't know if it let me post an update on my recovery in the Amphetamines R&A Journals section.. my internet connection is being a pain right now but here is an update to all my besties in this forum! I love you all and you guys are all awesome and it's good to have a place to call home.. I just miss coming on here as often as I used to.. so I do apologize if I don't update everyday but I'll be here on day 30 to post my 30 day sobriety.. it's coming up in 4 friggin' days I honestly feel like this is a dream.. and if so please don't wake me up hahaha
 Day 26.. Chick Flicks and Candlesticks! 
Day 26.. Brad is still clean and sober you guys.. and gals! Only thing I am hating is obviously still lethargic at times and I take Modafinil mainly for work if needed.. 200mgs only once a day with no re-dose. The thing I love about modafinil is it doesn't get me high and I don't feel different on it. It's what caffeine is supposed to do to normal people but I am not normal. This shit keeps me alert.. awake.. no energy.. but enough motivation to get through my shift. Meth did that too but.. it did a bunch of other things that I loved that was part of my addiction.. but now.. I'm not addicted to anything. I miss parts of the drug for sure.. and I think I always will! But right now I am focused on staying sober and enjoying my love life.
My girl and I have been doing pretty well. We are both working on our insecurities. I bitch about my acne and she bitches about her weight even though she's so damn petite but I guess you never know what's going on in someones life. It doesn't matter if they do porn, or if they are models, or if they are doctors or lawyers or cheerleaders or just stay at home moms! We all have insecurities and it sucks sometimes.. because we should be able to look ourselves in the mirror every morning and not pick at the things we hate.. but rather focus on the things we love about ourselves!
But yeah man it's mind blowing that it's day 26.. I do have you guys to thank. I apologize if I haven't been coming online as often but I do miss all of you and I hope to update again soon.. I will definitely try and update on day 30.. a friggin' month.. crazy how time flies by huh?
But yeah.. for right now I've been enjoying watching the chick flicks with my beautiful girlfriend (( so weird to say that cuz we have been best friends for so damn long! )) and it's been great being in a relationship with someone you've known for what seems an eternity and we can be even more open with each other and even though there can be problems with jealousy on both of our parts or disagreements with certain things.. I am glad she made the choice to leave her past and stop making adult films because I knew she wasn't that happy and she deserves more. But if I ever hear a guy call her a whore.. I will rip his throat out in a heart beat with the biggest smirk on my face hahahaha okay okay I apologize.. I still need to work on what I say before I say it but I haven't beaten up anyone in a while it feels like! So that's good hahaha I'm really not a monster I just think people need to have respect is all.. but self-control is something that's been a lot easier. A lot of it is sobriety.. sure.. but also getting older makes you wiser! At least I hope it does for everyone.. I don't know! But your mentality changes and you sort out what you really want in life.. and you just go for it! But I love you all.. and I will be in touch!
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