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  1. ZenobiaSky
    An unplanned, unmeant detox. I wanted to get clean after the first of the year, planned, on my terms. But in my life somethings can't be planned.

    Circumstances will bring a new year clean and sober. I have been clean 6 days. I cry, I laugh, I sleep, I pace... Still have fever and chills, but mostly a lot of pain. I'm happy to start off the year with a clean slate, so to speak. Thank goodness for pain meds, anti-psychotics, and anti-depressants (and maybe a little pot candy). It's funny the drugs it takes to get clean from other drugs. I don't want to go through this again. I hope when he shows back up at my door I will have the strength to say NO!!!!

    Short and sweet, as I can't sit up for long and I'm not sure how much sense I make. I'll update when I can.

    Happy New Year to my DF friends and family!!!!!

    Day 8:
    It’s day 8.. and you find yourself frantically searching… wondering… hoping… your sure you hide a little tiny morsel somewhere. You had to of. You had hidden quite a bit,,, that part you've smoked up already. But there is one more little rock.. somewhere… you remember hiding it so your friends didn't know you had anymore… because you were selfish… .didn’t want to share… but where is it.. the carpet… you spilled soda on it but it still sits on the floor waiting to be washed.. .you shake it out.. but nothing stands out… your heart starts racing.. wanting.. hoping… your hands start shaking… deep breathe. You know there will be many more days like this… and hoping you find the strength to stay clean. But you know even though he left a week ago with your money, he will show back up again. Then what, he supported my sobriety, he feels bad about my relapse, but I talked him into it. Time for a pill to help take away this anxiety, the panic, the desire… But she still wonders.. if she found a tiny itby bitty amount and licked her finger, does that count?


    Day 18
    Things are getting better, I keep obsessing over my mouth, I feel sometimes like I'm chewing my face off. My sleep is so messed up. Either I have no energy to do anything and sleep for days, or I can't sleep and am up for a couple days. If I could just get my system back to some sort of normal. Withdraws are better, cravings come and go but I have found that anti psychotics are good with helping curve the cravings. I am starting to believe I may actually make one month!!!

    Thank you everyone for your support.

Comments

  1. Anna Thema
    Happy new year to you Zen and good luck with the unplanned, unmeant detox...aka 'running out of drugs'. I know its not quite that simple and you were planning on quitting but you had to start earlier than you wanted to, but its really running out of drugs and saying 'fuck it....I'll stop then'

    Me, I dont care what a persons reasons for stopping are, the fact that they are trying is all it takes for me to stand up and applaud them.

    Stay strong honey :vibes:
  2. derpahderp
    Hey, I hope your ills, chills and pain isn't too intense today- And btw, you're not the only one who reads up on their friends haha jus'saying :)

    (Hope your day goes well) to: Flossy and Zenny

    DahD
  3. Mick Mouse
    hang in there! I know it can be hard, but i also know it can be done, because if I can do it, anyone can! When things get to be too much, remember your flower!
  4. ZenobiaSky
    Thank you!!!! It seriously helps to be able to vent to people that know what I'm going through. This time I can't tell anyone I know... I need to do this for me, and without the fear of everyone around me being let down. This time I'm the only I can let down. I want to go to an NA meeting. But I'm scared.... I have severe social anxiety.... Thank goodness for DF.. and my friends here :)
  5. Michele Lavigne
    Its great you planned a self detox. It is nice sometimes to care for yourself, do something because You want to do it and not because you are made to do it. By the end of it hopefully you will be led to something good, better and will surely be proud of the step you took. KEEP GOING.
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