Dear Heroin, I can beat you anytime says schoolgirl then dies 3 weeks later

By chillinwill · Feb 25, 2010 · ·
  1. chillinwill
    A schoolgirl who wrote a letter to heroin vowing to quit the drug died from an overdose just three weeks later.

    Hannah Meredith listed the evils associated with heroin as she faced up to her addiction before she died aged 17 in October last year.

    Her parents have now released her poignant 'Dear Heroin' letter in the hope of inspiring other teenagers to resist drugs and to encourage anti-drug agencies to provide better help to young addicts.

    In her letter, Hannah revealed how heroin destroyed her life and that she was ashamed of stealing from her family to finance her habit and of being on police probation.

    She wrote: 'Dear Heroin, I never want to touch you ever again. You've ruined my life, made me steal from my family...

    'Why do I choose you? I don't know. Yes, I did love you but now it is time to say goodbye.

    'I'm so ashamed of myself because of you.'

    Hannah, from Llanelli, south Wales, first experimented with drugs on her 14th birthday, when she took an ecstasy tablet. A year later she was using heroin.

    Her mother Louise Meredith, 43, cried when Hannah read her the letter.

    'She was so proud of it, and I was so proud of her for writing it,' Mrs Meredith said. 'I just hope it can help someone else now.'

    But three weeks later Hannah was dead in her bed from an overdose of heroin, temazepam and diazepam.

    Her mother, father Peter Meredith, and aunt Lisa Moore have now set up the Hannah Meredith Foundation to help teenagers receive treatment for drug addiction.

    Ms Moore said: 'People don't always know where to go to for the help they need. The foundation would help with that guiding families in the right direction, providing them with a tailor-made support package.'

    The foundation hopes to have Hannah's letter to heroin included in a booklet which will be made available to schools and youth groups soon.

    Ms Moore added: 'I lost count of the times my sister Louise rang me out of her mind with worry not knowing who to turn to or where to go to for support.

    'With each phone call there was the same cry for help: "Hannah's missing", "Hannah's high on drugs", "The police brought Hannah home last night", "Where can I go for help?"

    'If the Hannah Meredith Foundation had existed the police and school could have given Hannah's parents details about the foundation.

    'Maybe, just maybe, if we knock on enough doors and make enough noise about this the community will take action and something might just change for the better.

    'Then another family might not have to go through the same thing as we have.'

    Hannah's letter - 'Goodbye Heroin'

    Dear Heroin,

    I never want to touch you ever again. You've ruined my life, made me steal from my family, on probation 'cause of you. Why I choose you I don't know?

    You're the worst thing that ever came into my life. Yes, I did love you but now it's time to say goodbye.

    I'm so ashamed of myself 'cause of you. I OD'd three times, you're a big risk to anyone that does it and to me.

    So I'm going to be strong and stay away from you and never touch you again.

    My family have supported me all the way but I just kick them up the backside taking advantage of them. Stole off my mother, granddad, mam I borrowed money off her and didn't give it back. She's getting old now, and look what you've made me do, my nan - £120 stolen off her, once again 'cause of you.

    I love my family from the bottom of my heart, it's not nice being called a junkie. It feels horrible, you feel so small. Well I feel small, you made me feel like I'm worth nothing, just a dirty junkie sticking needles in my arms.

    You're out of my life now, don't need you no more. Yeah, you've messed up nearly two and a half years of my life but I've still got my whole life ahead of me and I'm going to prove to everyone that I can stay away from you, going to college, getting a job and a car.

    Then get on with my life and get my family's trust back. Stop offending, that's the only reason I was doing all that 'cause of your dirty addiction. You make me sick to be honest with you.

    I did love the buzz of you but you're not worth it.

    But not anymore, I'll make sure you stay away from me, and I'll stay away from you.

    I was brought up by a good family not a bad one, yeah I've had a lot of problems in my life, been quite bad actually, all because of you!!

    You're a killer, you've killed a lot of people and really they are good people. I'm lucky that you haven't put me in a box cemetery.

    Lost loads of my mates and it hurts me, they sometimes blank me 'cause they know I've been on you it's not nice when I've got pin holes in my arms and marks, track marks.

    The illness that I go through when I use you and the after effects, cold turkey, clucking, withdrawals, it's the worst feeling that you've put me through, being bad off you.

    Wanted to kill myself a few times 'cause I couldn't go through it. Well guess what heroin, I can and did do it. I can beat you anytime. I can control you, you don't control me.

    I've got enough will power to get you out of my life for good. I'm strong and much stronger than you can ever be. I'm not losing anything over you.

    Goodbye heroin. Never again. Family comes first.

    Hannah Meredith

    February 25, 2010
    Daily Mail

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  1. kailey_elise
    Girlie tells me she's written a number of these letters. *sigh* It's apparently a common assignment in detoxes.

    Always a little extra sad when a young one leaves the world accidentally.

  2. dyingtomorrow
    Yeah, all the heroin addicts SWIM met in rehab all wrote that shit and then immediately relapsed after leaving. SWIM refused to write a Dear Heroin letter at rehab, because it would just be along the lines of "Dear Heroin, you made my life a million times happier and more productive and it sucks I can't get you any more," and he didn't see the need to antagonize the staff.

    I don't know if I will live out a full life, but I'm certain if I make it to my twilight years I'll see the day when people who want to use opiates for psychological purposes will be able to get them. Eventually someone is going to figure out that they could just let heroin users contribute to society, or quit if they want to, and stop expending an enormous amount of social resources trying to turn them into a geometrically growing desperate criminal underclass. Economics will eventually force the decriminalization of drugs, provided the government doesn't develop and implement the technology to turn the world into 1984 prior to bankruptcy vis a vis the current trend of the "Justice" system.
  3. Coconut
    Giving up one master for another. Woo.

    An overdose of heroin, temazepam and diazepam... I don't mean to sound callous, but yet again someone suffers the ultimate price by taking idiotic combinations. I envision a world where someone unwraps their freshly-bought pharmaceutical-grade heroin, and inside there is a list of drugs which should not be taken with it, with "BENZODIAZEPINES" in big, bold lettering.
  4. dyingtomorrow
    Ahhhh ... *dreamily envisions that world*

    Another good (and callous) warning:

    "CAUTION: Do not go to rehab if you are taking this product. You will have a much higher chance of overdose when you get out and immediately use again. Also avoid writing letters which will make your death ironic."
  5. Spucky
    AW: Dear Heroin, I can beat you anytime says schoolgirl then dies 3 weeks later

    This Girl was17 years old,
    i am sure she has had not this big knowledge about this Stuff,
    to blame here for taking Heroin and Benzos together is imho. absolute wrong!

    I don`t know the situation in Wales but Kid`s and very young Adults need Refuge and Retreats where they can heal,
    without any Waiting-Lists and bureaucratic confusion!
  6. missparkles
    The first was an addiction, the second was her choice, big difference. A tragedy whichever way you slice it.

  7. Coconut
    Re: AW: Dear Heroin, I can beat you anytime says schoolgirl then dies 3 weeks later

    I'm saying the combination was idiotic but preventable, had she access to unbiased, accurate information about heroin, benzodiazepines and potential interactions.
  8. missparkles
    Unfortunately, having info about dangerous drug combination's doesn't always make much difference. Just read the forums here, some people who have been using opiates for years still continue to believe that as they're got away with it so far, their run of luck (that's all it is) is gonna continue.

    Sadly that's why people on opiates OD, poly drug use. When you have an addiction you're always looking for ways to enhance the high, either with benzo's, coke or other unsafe drug combination's. Sad thing about addiction. If only people would practice their own harm reduction techniques, no one would die...would they?

  9. tdawe1
    Re: AW: Dear Heroin, I can beat you anytime says schoolgirl then dies 3 weeks later

    Ridiculous. A 17 year old isn't capable of finding out not to combine benzo's and opiates? That's an extreme level of patronisation you've achieved there. I do not judge her reasons for taking heroin, or for being an addict, but saying someone is unable to find out how dangerous it is to combine CNS depressants at the age of 17 is silly.

  10. sybau
    I also see this death being more attributed to ignorance than the actual drug. If you're going to experiment or use drugs, you should ALWAYS be researching it first. I have never in my life taken anything or any combination of things without researching the likely or unlikely outcomes.

    That being said - as soon as drugs are legalized and people are educated about them properly... we will see things like this happen far less often than we do today.
  11. Erytheia
    Re: AW: Dear Heroin, I can beat you anytime says schoolgirl then dies 3 weeks later

    The problem isn't the knowledge but the fact that combinations of CNS depressants produce far more enjoyable effects. Once the single-drug route starts to lose it's charm (through tolerance or familiarity) then it's very tempting to "boost" that effect by combining drugs most people do know make for dangerous combinations.

    SWIM almost killed herself by accident/not by design by combining "flake" opium, alcohol and benzos in substantial doses of each. She knows that a combination of any two of those is reckless (at best) but when chasing that "perfect" high it can get beyond one's control. Especially when drunk before making decisions on drug use...

    tl;dr: Yes, it's stupid. No, it's not silly. Users make bad decisions.
  12. Rightnow289
    Heard this on the radio today. If he didnt feel like cutting his wrists before hearing it he sure did afterwards. Its so contradictory and I can't see their point in publishing. The irony is tangible
  13. Daturaa
    A tragedy. She was really trying. I can't imagine what her family is going through right now. RIP.
  14. missparkles

    Drug education will not solve this problem, after all, look at how many people here at DF contribute to the opiate and heroin forums? Then go over their posts and see how many still continue to use dangerous drug combos? When you get high on opiates tolerance soon shoots up, it becomes more difficult to obtain the same buzz, so people actively look for anything that enhances that buzz. Now if you read that someone else says that shooting coke with heroin is one of those ways, even if it's an unsafe practise, you're gonna consider it.

    Then when you're using up to 10 bags a day just to hit the spot, and someone offers you coke, you're gonna justify and rationalise the choice to use it. Others do with little harm, your mate has done it and they're ok...or it just can't happen to you. It's so easy. And remember, you can't feel that same high, so your body needs to use something else. Addiction trains your mind to expect that high. So you take other stuff to maintain it. Then after trying it once and walking away unharmed you continue to believe that it's always gonna be this way. So you have less fear about trying other combination's. You believe you have such a high tolerance to all drugs, it's not a problem. But your metabolism can be affected by so many things. You never know what's gonna affect your tolerance from one day to the next.

    I think this young woman was under the impression that as she was young she'd have no problems. How many 17 year olds do you know that have an awareness of their own mortality. They're usually motivated by peer pressure, others who are able to get away with dangerous drug use. So they believe they can too. They never dream that at 17 they could die.

    It's always best to steer clear of all drug combos, never take the chance, that way you are practicing harm reduction...your own.

  15. Anna Thema
    Re: AW: Dear Heroin, I can beat you anytime says schoolgirl then dies 3 weeks later

    Interesting point of view, not all 17 year olds are walking drug encyclopaedias so where was she supposed to get this information from?

    • Her school/college-no thats a stupid idea, all theyre going to tell her is that all drugs are bad, theyre not going to sit her down and say, dont mix opiates with benzos cos youre increasing the risk of death by x%. Any teacher who told her that would be opening themselves up to immediate dismissal.
    • The police,- ditto, they too are only going to tell her that drugs are harmful and illegal, not teach her effective using techniques.
    • Her family-they were just frightened, its very difficult to think clearly and objectivley when frightened so it seems unfair to lay the blame at their door.
    • doctors-no again, they would only refer her to a drug reduction program, not a harm reduction program, and could only have given her effective advice if she was being honest with her doctor about the types of drugs she was taking and the combinations she was using (which swim wholeheartedly doubts she was)
    • Her friends-lets assume they are as naive as she was
    • Her dealer-how do we even know that she got all the drugs from the same person, how do we know that the seller of the opiates even knew she had the downers?
    • The internet-a site like Drugs Forum would have been a sensible place to look for information, but lets just suppose that her family have a computer and internet connection, lets picture it in their front room or some such communal space, are we seriously suggesting that she would feel comfortable or her family would be happy to walk in on her surfing a site that talks so openly about drug use, no, they would assume (wrongly swim knows but still) that she was playing with the devil.

    So again, swim asks where was she going to get all this information from?

    Its good theory to say that all drugs should be researched before a person indulges but it is also unrealistic, in an ideal world yes; but in the real world no, it just doesnt happen like that.
    Thinking back to swims teenage years and the cocktail of substance abuse she indulged in, none of which were thoroughly researched or understood, (it was more a case of if its there, swim will have it), then she could easily have been this girl, as could many others on this site she suspects, if they were to be honest with themselves.

    So to reiterate, until society lifts the taboo on talking openly about drugs without demonizing the speakers then situations like this will be common place.
    For what its worth, Drugs Forum is doing its own little bit towards an adult and open discussion about all aspects of drug use and therefore contributing to harm reduction, but it would be naive of anyone to think that the sorts of conversations people have here are indicative of attitudes held in the wider societies in which we all live.

    This girl wasnt idiotic, its insulting to her and her family (who thankfully will probably never read this thread) to call her that; she was unlucky.
  16. xenos
    aye. I think despite what baggage may come up, people shouldn't get too emotional about these types of more serious threads. Does it really matter that so-and-so thinks that its so-and-so's "fault"? Is that even what they mean? Maybe they are just dropping their opinion from their personal background/experiences, and don't necessarilly agree with (often false and not even supposed to exist in theory) the media's spins. While its fine and dandy to say oh poor white, middle class girl who is dead and blue while her poor white, middle class family cry and submit her personal letter to a news source, causing a big scare in the hearts of americans(and particularly the middle class who much of the media is geared towards). Look what could happen to your innocent, virgin child! The reason why I bring up race here is because white kids always get all the attention when they get themselves in trouble.. when was the last time you heard about a non-white overdose who wasn't famous? "oh they always do that anyays" is an unfortunate thought that comes to many people's minds. it is silently implied however.

    Meanwhile in Afghanistan....
    see my point? this just isn't newsworthy and its obvious wartime distraction. this has been going on during the entire war and (IMO) for the entirety of corporate-owned media(not that I support state-owned media).
  17. NeuroChi
    I understand your position on this matter missparkles but I have to disagree. As you pointed out, there are people who decide to and continue to use potentially dangerous combinations, however, many of them are still here.

    Every drug has a lethal dose, and interactions of drugs often bring this lethal dose closer. However, there are still often 'safe' doses of combinations and education on this matter is the key. Humans are (mostly) all similar enough that we can generalize and say that a certain dose is safe, and another one is not.
  18. pink diamonds
    Re: AW: Dear Heroin, I can beat you anytime says schoolgirl then dies 3 weeks later

    I couldn't agree more with you here. I have a seventeen year old sister, whom I'm joined at the hip with, so to speak. We are extremely close. Her lack of knowledge on the subject, is no where near knowing what and what not to mix. My thoughts and prayers go out to this young girl's mother.
  19. missparkles

    And many of them aren't still here...

    Dosage varies for every person, and as we can't know just what dose is sutable for any individual we can only tell others that it's an unsafe thing to do. Harm reduction is all any of us can advise.

  20. beena
    SWIM thought this story and the letter, etc, were very sad. SWIM read it to her boyfriend (they both have their own struggles with drugs btw: SWIM with crack for 10 years and heroin for 3 and SWIM's boyfriend with crack-cocaine for almost 20 years). The first thing he said regarding the letter to heroin was "where's the 'I' in that?", meaning at what point does she take responsibility or acknowledge herself as a cause of her problems. She says "heroin ruined my life", no sweetheart you ruined your life by choosing to take heroin. Heroin didn't make her steal £120 from her grandparents, she chose to steal the money because she wanted heroin so much. And there are addicts out there who don't steal, cheat and lie to get drugs. There are actually addicts who suffer through w/d, and just get on with it, clucking when they can't get drugs, because they won't commit crime to fund their habit. SWIM also knows someone who has been addicted to heroin for at least 10 years and doesn't have a criminal record. He gets by on his benefit money. The reason for this is that he has formed a sort of drug-addicts co-operative with a small group of his friends, also on benefits. They each support the others on the day they get paid their benefits (eg if one gets paid on a Monday he pays for everyone's drugs on that day, but in turn each one who he pays for will pay him back when it comes to their payday). You wouldn't think this would work. Drug addicts are all supposed to be the kind of individuals who would rip each-other off and cheat and lie, but it seems to work for this guy and his friends and has done for many years.
    SWIM did think her boyfriend was a bit harsh when he said what he did, cos this girl was only 17 and SWIM gets the idea behind her writing the letter. SWIM has also written letters outlining her reasons for wanting to get clean with the intention of reading them when she has a weak moment. They've never worked for SWIM though and obviously, sadly, didn't work for this girl. What a shame and what a waste of a perfectly good life.
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