I have been laying in bed smoking....about five or six cigarettes. I can't sleep, I took six xanaxes and now I feel so drowsy and resteful. It doesn't hurt me, ...I dont think.
I skipped out on the diphenhydramine. That would just make me wacked. Although, this xanax made me feel sooo peaceful.LIke not a thought in my head...sooo blank. Hm,
I want to be: A writer, activist, film producer, and more, But I feel hopepless about it all. I think I have a learning disibility. I haven't been in school since I dropped out in sophmore of highschool, so it's not easy thinking logicaly these days.
On the bright side, I published a large book of poetry and some other cool books. I wanted to be in a band, but sounds crapppy on your own. I wish there was more to life than this, when winter hits I feel soo suicidal and depressed. Not to mention my mom's head is not screwed on right, well, at least i have an outlet for all this.
The pills, xanax, make you pretty zonked. I was supposed to go out today, just then I flopped onto my bed and slept for about five or six hours...then so, now Im a little pissed off. I wish I felt called, to GOD, to anyone, anything! But I just feel, manipulated.
Friends are ok, but I need a therapist or something. I am quitting zoloft, it made me happy at first- now Im depressed and my ears are ringing...phooosh. I know, sucks for me doesn't it? I also noticed I was so wiped out I could not read the words on the computer screen, my vision is blurred or im cross-eyed or something.