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Drugs Forum and the Need for Validation

By la fee brune · Nov 24, 2016 · 1.2K · 11
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  1. la fee brune
    When reading the things people post on here, I often reflect on their motives and my own. Why do people spend their time and money contributing to this site? Why do I? People tend not to do things that aren't gratifying, so what do we get out of it?

    If I'm being honest with myself, I must admit that a lot of my participation over the years has been driven by a need for external validation. What is the purpose of a sense of purpose but to validate one's life, to be able to say, "There's a reason I'm here"? The line between a genuine desire to help others and the need to gratify one's ego by being the "expert" on something is often blurry.

    The fact that I don't get much validation here anymore doesn't mean I need it any less. Of course, I want people to tell me how great I am, how I'm smart and interesting and important to this place. But if I can't have that, I need to figure out how to feel good about myself without it.

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    Author Bio

    la fee brune
    Opium fiend, bon vivant, and all-around pain in the ass.

    Annoying others since 1982.

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  1. The Cats Dream
    Speaking only for myself, I seek connection with others who have had my experiences.
    The Cats Dream, Nov 27, 2016
  2. thirdeyelasik
    I enjoy spreading my limited knowledge of things and giving advice. Helps to kill time at work and makes me satisfied to answer threads.
    thirdeyelasik, Nov 27, 2016
  3. detoxin momma
    Well if I'm being completely honest with myself to, I feel right in the middle. I know what I know, and what i don't know, I want to know...hows that for a tongue twister:laugh:

    I don't give alot, but when i do, I think about how much it costs to see a psychiatrist...doesnt even compare.
    I can only speak for myself....I am a mother. Thats a role you are expected to love every minute of, you are expected to have moved on from any emotional issues....you are a mother, you have kids, its not about you anymore, etc etc. put your shit aside, period.
    And thats not always easy, or fair!

    I guess I do have a need for some validation. Noone cares about you when it comes down to it, everyone has their own problems.Being on an anonymous site makes it easier for me to say what i really feel. can't do that in the real world. Never could I talk open and freely as I do here with people I might actually end up at a PTA meeting with, know what I mean?...

    I dont consider myself an "expert" on anything, but when i feel i can relate to a persons situation, I tell them so, because sometimes thats all people need to hear, that someone understands, and this too shall pass.

    If I had more money I'd give more, it benefits me to spill my heart out sometimes, especially when I won't even tell my psychiatrist a damn REAL thing.
    My life has shown me, when you are too honest with people, they will use it against you first chance they get.Learned that very young by going back and forth between parents.

    So for me, I trust the way things work here at DF...nobody really knows me, so I feel safe that none of my BS can be used against me when someone feels the need to stick it to me.

    I can relate to some of what you said, just the other day I was thinking, it seems people like you more when you are unhappy and needing help, but when you are happy, not so much.
    Human nature i guess....

    Im reminded of something BT2H once said to me, "being a part of DF is like being a part of a family."
    I see her point now. We are all like a block in a game of jenga, each has its place to keep things standing strong....
    Or, just a brick in a wall ;)
    detoxin momma, Nov 27, 2016
  4. Alfa
    This is an interesting topic. I think validation is one of many factors. However, its a factor that we can and will strengthen in the future.
    Alfa, Nov 30, 2016
  5. la fee brune
    Thanks for the responses. A friend (not from DF) pointed out to me that he thought I was getting addicted to the attention/validation I was getting from everyone on here. I think he was right.

    I was relying on this place far too much for a sense of self-worth. It would be easier for me if I knew what to replace that with. I wish I were mentally healthy enough to feel good about myself without others stroking my ego. I don't feel like chasing attention/validation somewhere else is really going to fix anything. I don't know what the solution is.
    la fee brune, Dec 2, 2016
  6. foremoreaddict
    I feel we all have a need for attention and validation no matter how individual we think we are. I agree with detoxin momma that we all have problems but I disagree that no one cares when it comes down to it. It is a cycle, care comes and care goes. When it comes down to it I often realize just how much I care when I lose something.

    It's the journey not the destination, we do a whole bunch of things; collect stuff, friends, respect and reputation just to seeming lose it all inevitably at some point. Change is also inevitable and it can throw us around on an emotional rollercoaster. We can hold onto things in life but we all eventually have to let go.

    If I was the only one left on the planet, it wouldn't matter if I could have every resource, Life would not be worth living and I would be outta here.
    foremoreaddict, Dec 2, 2016
  7. detoxin momma
    ^^^ Just to be clear, i was speaking from a yearning for validation from family. My family thinks I'm a machine....

    Perro, i don't think your feelings are unjustified, we see it said all the time how addictive DF can be.So i wouldnt feel bad about that if i were you, we are only human, we are creatures of habit.

    If i could say one thing i thought may bring a fellow woman peace of mind, it would be, just do you.
    try and forget about what others opinions of you are, here and in the real world.
    Find the best you, and go with it.
    Love yourself, even when you feel down.
    we can't have good times without having some bad times to.

    I hope you feel better soon.
    detoxin momma, Dec 3, 2016
  8. la fee brune
    That's an important point, about getting validation from your family. I think part of the reason I can't seem to quit this place is that it's the first place where I ever met anybody who validated my interest in opium smoking and opium culture. I can't think of anywhere else I could ever get validation for it. I think we all just want to have people see us for who we really are and approve of it. Thank you for your kind words.
    la fee brune, Dec 3, 2016
  9. Alfa
    That's a really hard question. I always think that the best attitude to have is to not care to much about validation. Chasing validation can be like chasing your own tail. It seems a matter of purpose to me. I think creating things, expanding, helping can be rewarding purposes. Especially if you know that the things we write here will help people for decades.
    Alfa, Dec 4, 2016
  10. detoxin momma
    Thats a good point alfa makes about writing things that will help people for years to come.

    personally, i dont know anyone into opium, never have, so that tells me you guys are a rare, or dying breed.Surely opium enthusiasts are out there, so that should give you more motivation to keep doin what you do.

    stay positive perro. the way I tend to see things is, if we dont suffer sometimes, how would we learn anything about ourselves...

    sounds to me, if our parents could've met in the middle on how they raised us, we'd of had an ideal upbringing....and few get ideal....:vibes:
    detoxin momma, Dec 4, 2016
  11. la fee brune
    I agree. I need to try to remember why I came here in the first place, I guess.

    There isn't a lot out there about opium culture, and I guess I feel like I need to try to save it from going into the dustbin of history. I feel like this site is the only place where I can do that. I also feel like the drug legalization movement needs to be more historically informed, and we need to look at how and why opium was banned in order to get a better perspective on contemporary drug prohibition. I don't think that's going to enter the conversation very often if I'm not here.

    It's just frustrating for me that I don't fit in here. It's hard not to take it personally, probably more so than it is for most people because of my OCD.
    la fee brune, Dec 7, 2016
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