By DocBrock · May 14, 2012 ·
  1. DocBrock
    Where did the weekend go? Seriously, I've lost it.
    Woke at 2:30 this morning in a right panic because I've to see my psych nurse.
    I remember getting out of the taxi.
    I remember little flashes of memory.
    I came to miles away. In the right direction for home, but still.
    I came to again, sitting on a lock gate, rolling a ciggie. The last half mile was very carefully considered. I wanted to ensure I knew where I was.
    I've lost from sometime Friday to now.
    I'm a little scared by this, and a little freaked.
    Apparently, I was a little tired and withdrawn seeming over the weekend. Err, I have no memory.
    I know I had a shave and a bath this morning, but cannot recall it.
    I remember paying the fare, but not the ride.
    I spent an hour with my psych nurse, and cannot recall it.
    I walked home a torturous route, across some very busy roads. I cannot recall most of it.
    There are only prescription drugs in me, at the prescribed level, and have been since last Thursday.
    I've lost 21/2 days.
    Can I have them back please?, or at least a memory, some knowledge to fill those voids.
    Little worrying I spent an hour with a psych nurse, obviously not all there I would have thought, then made my own way home. Did I look that normal that alarm bells weren't raised when I said I'd walk home?
    I -may- have sat there in full control of my senses, reasoned, rational, communicative.
    I -may- have sat there utterly withdrawn. Cocooned against the world.
    I suspect the former, hence no qualms about transport.

    I don't like this. Time to start asking questions. If I wasn't a naturally nice guy, what then?. What if instead of me being me, I became an arsehole. What if I tried to rob or hurt someone. I'd have a lot of issues dealing with that.
    What if I stepped into traffic?. Never mind me, what about the poor bastard whose windscreen I'm decorating. That rictus face of terror on the driver forever seared across the memory without knowing how you got there or what happened in the immediate after effects.

    That was some scary zone out. It'll be interesting to see what precipitated it, and what the aftermath will be. I do have a headache, I feel cold, even though the thermostat says otherwise.

    Actually, it should be beyond scary. I should be terrified, yet I'm quite supernaturally calm.
    The world is happening around me very fast, yet I feel calm.

    I feel very cold, but very calm. Derealised, depersonalised.
    Not sure I like it. Feel I should be scared.
    Am I having a 'moment' or have I finally come down?.
    Still looking for the weekend. No memories unless prompted.

    Hmmm. What is this place. I fear a drift to epilepsy. Epilepsy scares me deep down. I -know- I'm not, but the major zoning out -whilst functioning to some degree- is worrying. Has this happened in the past?. Yes, but it was somewhat induced then. This is now.

    I -know- this is all caused by my sensitivity to seroquel, and I -know- why I'm prescribed it. But these dropouts just aren't worth it. They have to stop.

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