Even healthy things can become unhealthy addictions

As I continue to go long grueling days and weeks and months without any additional tattoos, I find myself becoming more desperate to feel the needle on my skin. For a while I turned to scarification and while I love both the act of doing it and the results it gives, I'm not always in the mood/pumped up enough to go through the time and pain that such a rite requires. I've also done a brand a time or two to the same beautiful result, but these things are just not the same!

I've even resorted to attempting to put together a home made tattoo gun. Apparently, it can be done, but they are pretty primative. I figure I am going to give it a try because having a self-done tattoo means more to me than having it look really nice. I will still have plenty of skin for the good ones, plus I've always been good at putting my markings in good spots.

This all said, it has become something that I think about several times every day. Hey I wish I could go get inked, oh man I wish I was getting a tattoo right now, damn I want this or that here or there, and a slew of other thoughts about getting markings. I long to go to Japan and Hawaii, and possibly elsewhere to obtain traditional marks, and it has become a focusing point of my life.

The thing is though, I just can't afford to get tons of ink and I am no artist so while I can do a few on myself, I don't want to cover my body with art I've done. It is eating me up to not progress any, almost as if it is equal to something like spiritual realization or something.

Ugh.