Got thinking this morning of ex partners. Not one nighters, or one weekers, but long term.
All but one of my ex-girlfriends, I'd secretly like to know how they're doing, and really hope they've had a brilliant life post me. The one that really hurt me, I know how her life turned out, and even her, I wouldn't wish hurt to at all.
B. I'm sorry darling. Today was the day I recognised your expression as we parted. Meeting you a decade ago, and having you say I'm still as sexy, but seeing -that- look of 'Why are so fucked up' kinda dulled the pleasure of our meet. If I'd stayed clean as you wanted, I'd have fallen. I did anyway, and if you saw, you'd have broken in two. I still love you because of the memories, and am so glad the bloke you settled with worships the heck out of you. You've had a good life. You've had a happy life. That is what I wanted for you.
Sue. Babe. I forgave you the instant you dumped me. I knew why, but by the time I was clean and stable again, you'd gone from me. I still hear about you, and I'm so happy for you.
Tup. Yes, I -was- an asshead, no, I was never unfaithful, but can see how you thought that. Dunno what happened to you.
Mand. I'm still in recovery. Those celibate months we slept together as friends remain forever a happy memory. You were a true friend. Just what we both needed. Actually very glad we never consumated.
Jaq. We were never meant to be. We only had one thing. I could never be what you wanted.
Jen, childhood sweethearts don't always follow through.
Jane. R.I.P Babe. So glad we remained friends for the rest of your short life.
There are others, but when I thought about Jane, I stopped. We'd not long parted as she couldn't cope with my use of speed. She'd gone out with some friends to talk over things and put me in the background, start afresh. Driver lost control on a corner.
Sometimes, it's just cathartic to put a heavily shortened version down. Conclusion?, I have upset too many people in my distant past, and now decades later am trying to close the last pages.
In all the above, drug me outweighed real me. All those fine women fell for the real me tinged with a little rough around the edges. In all the above, the edges frayed. The rough took over, the edges gave way.
People matter more than drugs. Partners and children the most.
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