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Fnord,and other discordian propaghanda to boggle ones mind whilst stoned.

Rating:
4/5,
  1. fnord
    Fnord is some scary shit its around you all the time and you dont even know it, you've been trained not to know its there.for a better explanation read the iluminatus trilogy when you get to page 350 take some acid if you have it lying around..but if you just want some humerus definitions here you go:

    Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.

    Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the
    Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee.

    Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.
    Fnord is this really, really tall mountain.
    Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten.

    Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted.
    Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry.
    Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots.
    Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm.

    Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients.
    Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on.
    Fnord is where the buses hide at night.
    Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book.

    Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason.
    Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam.
    Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe.
    Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages.


    Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees.
    Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats.


    Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
    the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
    the lint in Fnord's navel.

    Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.
    Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.
    Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.
    Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer.

    Fnord is the echo of silence.
    Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.
    Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.
    Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence.

    Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long.
    Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent.

    Fnord is the donut hole.
    Fnord is the whole donut.

    Fnord is an annoying series of email messages.
    Fnord is the color only blind people can see.

    Fnord is the serial number on a box of
    cereal.

    Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.
    Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428.
    Fnord is the yin without yang.
    Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.

    Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses.
    Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf.

    Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.
    Fnord never sleeps.
    Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale.

    Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.

    Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.

    Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads.
    Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly.
    Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella.

    Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner.

    Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.
    Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point.


    Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back.
    Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games.
    Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.

    Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".
    Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe.
    Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor.
    Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket.
    Fnord invented the green hubcap.
    Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough.

    Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars.
    Fnord uses two bathtubs at once.

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Comments

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  1. NeuroChi
    I thought fnord was the plant that photosynthesized without leaves.

    I thought fnord was a glass half empty and half full.

    I thought fnord was the computer that never crashed.
    I thought fnord was hot dogs in packages of 10, and buns in packages of 8.
    I thought fnord was square salamie, and circular bread... with triangular cheese.

    I thought fnord wasn't fnord.

    I thought fnord was the chicken inside the egg inside the chicken inside the egg inside fnord.
    I thought fnord was the end of the beginning.
    I thought fnord was Bob's medulla amyglada.
    *For that reason, I thouht fnord controlled Bob's heart rate and breathing.
    **I thought fnord kept Bob alive.

    I thought fnord was fnord.

    I thought fnord was the drug called life that made you sober.
    I thought fnord wasn't a drug at all but a state of being.
    I thought fnord caused his own state of being by being the drug that caused that state of being, which was fnord.

    I thought fnord was none of the above.
    I thought fnord was all of the below.
    ...I thought fnord was somewhere in the middle.

    I thought fnord was the emoticon that never got used, or the member who never posted once, or the the thread that never got an answer... untill fnord came along.

    I thought fnord was a highly valued member of Drugs Forum.

    I thought fnord should have been cloned.

    I thought 'fnored' the correct spelling of 'fnord'.
  2. fnord
    “*Cough cough* What's this thing in my throat? ”

    ~ Paris Hilton on condoms “Yeah, I'm pretty much against that. I guess.”

    ~ Jesus on Abstinence Plus Education



    “I pity the fools who don't wear condoms!”

    ~ MR T on condoms “What's That?”

    ~ Britney Spears on condoms
    [h2]Contents[/h2]
    [hide]

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    A properly worn condom.



    Condoms were created by Satan and his third son adam sandler as a cheap way to avoid buying Baloons. They were used as a style of Balloons but it has many uses now. It can be a hat, a Latex friend (If you have a permanent Marker), cheap lubed gloves, and even a form of currency. Satan's Daughter, Wilma Flinstone, created the birth control pill. The original pill can be found at the smithsonian museum, weighting at 5.2 pounds, and as big as your fist. His first child (Mr. T) created abstinence, a method of keeping people from having sex by telling stories about how if you touch other people, your Penis will fall off and land in another dimension where dogs will eat it. This story has been confirmed on a recent episode of Family Guy as well. He also Created the dreaded vasectomy, (Vuh Sec'tem Ee), Latin for Chopping off your nuts. His fourth child(Princess Diana)created the diaphragm. Unfortuneately, an angel hijacked her limo and drove into a brick wall. If all of there human extermination devices are used at once, simultaniously, then you are banished to another world entirely of Fat Chicks (Fh-at Chix), a Species of Elephant that gather together and crave the sexual amusement of men. They also have a tenancy to eat, so if you come across one, be sure NOT to have any food with you.
    [edit] Types of Condoms

    The barrier method of contraception, known as a condom, is a watertight sheath for covering the penis, lower half, or entire body during sexual intercourse. It's name is derived from the town of its modern origin, Condominium, on southern tip of France with the french people, where latex technology was first developed in the mid 16th century.
    [edit] Why use condoms?

    [​IMG] [​IMG]




    • Many people use condoms to reduce the overall enjoyment of sexual intercourse for them and their partner.
    • If you don't the world be infested with them younguns!
    • Or "cum in ur bum"
    • Also, saving said condom after use and tying a knot at the opening, you may choose to cryo-freeze the specimen for later "consumption".
    • Trojan brand Twisted Pleasure condoms can in fact be used to secure screws into most types of wood or drywall.
    This website has been excomunicated by our church
    [edit] Condoms and Children

    From the age of 2-10 children have been educated in the proper use of condoms. By the time they reach 11-17 they forget everything they have learned and chose not to use condoms and must be educated again.
    [​IMG]
    Children love Mr. Condom. Parents hire him for birthday parties, Bar Mitzvahs, and even Baby showers (Ironic huh?). Parents love Mr. Condom because he is a great role model to children, and he encourages children to stay in school because this increases your chances of meeting a girl/guy and getting laid.
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    Step by step:How to put on a Condom


    [edit] Wooden Condoms

    Until the invention of latex, all condoms were made out of wood and were known as "good, stiff woodies." This undoubtedly caused many complaints, such as lawsuits of splintered penises (and vaginas!). Many experts believe that the early use of wooden condoms gave rise to the modern myth that women do not enjoy sex. But it has been a recent discovery that they do enjoy sex, they just use this excuse as a ploy to make men want to have sex with them more. Don't use a rubber band and clingfilm because it will just split.
    In Chatholic Church sex-ed, wooden condoms are given to young horny boys to teach them to "slow down," or risk that the friction from the intense love making could cause the wooden condom to combust, burning genitalia of both lovers and possible the whole town down.
    [edit] The DIY Condom

    If you're in a rush or in the middle of the Antarctic then you can make your own condom with a roll of clingfilm and an elastic band. By wrapping the penis with clingfilm along with using the elastic band to hold it throughout sex it will do the same job as a latex condom. Dr. Jerk Meeoff believes that this method could even be better than the real thing, "Research has identified this as a very effective contraceptive method". Many pregnant spotty teenagers disagree.
    [edit] The Old Condom

    A condom may also be a building or outhouse in which units of property, such as apartments, are owned by individuals and common the naughty parts of the property, such as the toilets and floorboards, are owned jointly by the unit owners.
    The first condom building was designed by Jean Claude Condom (pronounced Shaun Clod Con Damme).

    Many condom buildings are designed to protect their residents from the hazards of the outside world, especially rain. Condoms are offered in many designs ranging from simple models, which perform their duty with little fanfare; other models with lubricated exteriors built to slip through the <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Elements" title="Elements">e
  3. savingJenniB
    What's a condom fnord?
  4. cra$h
    And this is why I love this kid.

    God bless what ever the fuck Fnord stands for!
  5. Quantum Dude
    Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten.

    They do ? God Its been a while.....
  6. savingJenniB
    Not to worry
    It's kewl!

    U R the bomb fnord
  7. fnord
    Blog is for drug related subjects which this is sadly not,ill move it to my profile before deletion.

    ~sorry~
  8. savingJenniB

    This is a Wonderful Blog fnord.
    This is where I found out about
    how you got your name.
    This Blog sparked a renewed interest in Robert Anton Wilson.
    Thank you for sharing your ageless wisdom and spirit with us.

    Go take a dump,
    but please don't dump it.

  9. fnord
    Just thought id bump this for a bit before i delete it..
  10. cra$h
    always wanted some insight to the legend...... now i'm enlightend.
  11. fnord
    I know ive posted this before on the site but i love it right to death!

  12. drbeer
    Wow, you certainly have more skills than Boozer! :)
  13. fnord
    Thanks but sadly i cant take credit,i think i found it somewhere on the BBC website of all places!


    Look at me dance------------------------>
  14. drbeer
    Damn, that looks like something quite close to boozer's philosophy! Great explanation...
  15. fnord
    Thus starts the Principia Discordia or How I Found Goddess and What I Did To Her When I Found Her[FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]1[/FONT]. This amazing book can be taken as literature, art, social commentary, or plain old-fashioned bunk.
    The Principia is a collage of entertaining and enlightening snips from life in the United States from the mid-20th Century onwards. It intermingles a child-like humour and love of life with serious political commentary.
    A free-thinker's guide to life, the Principia takes itself no more seriously than it takes anything else. It's irreverence is canny and wild. It provides five commandments for pure Discordian living. The third and fourth contradict each other, and the fifth negates all the commandments.
    Discordians enjoy a sort of Dada[FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]2[/FONT] Zen. Discordian stories are almost always parables for something, and even if they aren't, they're meant to be the equivalent of the Zen master smacking the student over the head with a stick. It's a round-about way of yelling out to all of creation, 'Think for yourself schmuck!'
    Throughout all Discordian writings is the same message that Jesus tried to tell everyone two thousand years ago; 'I tell you that you are free'. But it comes with a warning, to be free you have to use your freedom. Exercise your right to think. Think hard. Think often.
    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If you don't take it out and use it, it's going to rust.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The Goddess[/FONT]
    What's a religion without a deity? It simply wouldn't do for the Discordians not to have one. What would the neighbours say? So they cast high and low for the celestial being that was the most influential in their time. And boy did they find her. Eris, also known to the Romans as Discordia, was the Greek goddess of chaos.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]What We Know About Eris[/FONT]
    The Romans left many likenesses of Her for posterity. She was shown as a grotesque woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her garment ripped and torn, and concealing a dagger in Her Bosom.
    Her genealogy we know from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either She was the twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the daughter of Nyx, goddess of night (who was either the daughter or wife of Chaos, or both), and Nyx's brother, Erebus, and whose brothers and sisters included Death, Doom, Mockery, Misery, and Friendship. And that She begat Forgetfulness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that.
    Even non-believers can find evidence of her in their daily lives. She's the one who unties your shoes before you go up the stairs. She's the one who cracks the freezer door at night so there's a puddle of ice cream on the floor in the morning. She's the one who put that plant in your backyard which the cat ate and subsequently developed a mysterious intestinal disorder. Evidence of her good work is everywhere.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The Myth of Eris and the Apple of Discord[/FONT]
    It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a troublemaker[FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]3[/FONT].
    This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned a apple of pure gold[FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]4[/FONT] and inscribed upon it Kallisti meaning 'to the prettiest one'. On the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall.
    Now, three of the invited goddesses; Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. They started fighting, and they started throwing punches all over the place.
    Finally, Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had a lot of Gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.
    Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him The Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got his girl.
    As she had promised, she manoeuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be the First War Among Men.
    And so we suffer because of The Original Snub.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Fnords[/FONT]
    A fnord is simply a buzz-word. It's a word that makes your mind stop, and all rational thought goes out the window. It can be as simple and innocuous as putting the characters '3-D' on a box. It can be as potent as Hitler using the word annihilation in his speeches. It's any word that gets you excited, just by it's connotation. You don't spot them in print, but they're there. Here's a few words for you, just to give you the idea: propaganda, paraphernalia, light, and free. These words invoke feelings in people, and if you use the right word at the right time, you can change history.
    Words have power. A powerfully used word that goes undetected is a fnord. It could also be music. The next time you get choked up at some sentimental Hollywood run-off, check to make sure they're not playing a powerful emotive tune to go along with the poorly scripted scene.
    Everyone wants to know what a fnord is, and what a fnord isn't. Ladies and gentlemen, fellow Discordians (you're all Discordians whether you want to be or not), a fnord can be whatever you want it to be. It's a very simple thing, and a dangerous thing too. It's dangerous because it effects how you think. That's why the only good fnord is a dead fnord.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Popes and Saints[/FONT]
    Every man, woman and child on the planet is a pope[FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]5[/FONT]. The Discordians so much loved the idea of papal infallibility that they couldn't resist. Now that they're popes, they must have been right to make everyone popes, as they're infallible.
    Saints are a little different. Not everyone is a saint, but the people who are sainted aren't always sainted because they were darn fine people. Sometimes they're sainted just because they've spread a little chaos around.
    A fine example of a Discordian Saint is Emperor Norton I. Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. Funny chap.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The Law of Fives[/FONT]
    The Principia Discordia has this to say about the number five:
    The Law of Fives states simply that:
    All things happen in fives, or are divisible by or are multiples of five, or are somehow directly or indirectly appropriate to five.
    The Law of Fives is never wrong.
    In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: 'I find the Law of Fives to more and more manifest the harder I look.'
    This quotation from the Principia illustrates that people will see anything they look for, if they look hard enough. That's the gimmick. You see what you look for far more often than what you don't look for. It's simple. Under the surface, Discordianism urges you to look at everything. Look at things with wonder, as a child looks. You'll be amazed at what you notice.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Discordian Art[/FONT]
    The currently favoured art form of the Discordians is the haiku. It used to be black and white line drawings and stolen stamps, but now it's moved on to the simple haiku.
    The haiku is a simple poem containing the juxtaposition of two ideas in three lines. These three lines total 17 syllables with the first and third lines containing five syllables and the second line containing seven.
    The average Discordian finds these rules too confining and eschews them. Their poems often have many more lines and just about any number of ideas. They go on calling them haiku anyway.
  16. fnord
    Just found this online somewhere,i think it gives a much better description/background:


    This entry should clear up some of the questions that are plaguing any of you about the world's first and finest parody religion started in a bowling alley. Discordianism is hard to define. It's a belief that chaos, or disorder, is as vital to the universe as order and harmony. All things are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true, false, and meaningless in some sense.
    The Book That Began It All
    We
    are a tribe
    of philosophers, theologians,
    magicians, scientists,
    artists, clowns,
    and similar maniacs
    who are intrigued
    with
    ERIS
    GODDESS OF CONFUSION
    and with
    Her
    Doings


  17. drbeer
    Wow! I feel like i know more and less what's a fnord at the same time...

    Funny list, by the way!
  18. TMM
    Fnord is the difference between a duck.
  19. savingJenniB
    Like it more everytime I read it ~ good stuff fnord!!!
  20. BEEKSc1