After I received that first packet of Oxy's everything changed pretty rapidly. They were a step up from the other pain killers I had been taking in terms of strength and the euphoria was incredible, it allowed me to be really confident again and go out to clubs even dancing for hours again like if I had been taking ecstasy still. If you crush up Oxycontin, and snort it, you get the effects instantly and it hits you harder, I had started swallowing one then carrying others crushed up into a powder in a bag with me, I just snorted in pub toilets like people take cocaine but it was opiates for me. I loved it so much I just didn't care about anything else, I budgeted all my monthly outgoings around ordering a big parcel from Mexico or Serbia or wherever I could get them sent from dodgy online pharmacies.
It was around the initial time that I also took opium for the first time and started taking it pretty regularly after that. I was still taking DHC (dihydrocodeine) too and that could bind me through any periods where I had nothing else as this was cheap in the UK and plentiful in supply. I friend of mine had also brought back hundreds of codeine phosphate pills and a load of alprazolams (Xanax), more bottles of liquid codeine phosphate, and dizepams (valiums). I bought pretty much the entire load from her, so I was fully stocked and although I sometimes saved the Oxy's for the weekend I was often cheating in the week and doing it a couple of times then too just because I loved it so much. I honestly didn't think I really had a problem I just took a few meds I was endlessly justifying it in my head whilst sneaking around and not really telling people how bad it had got. They all knew I did Oxy's but I had really begun taking opiates and benzos everyday now along with smoking weed which was the only other drug I really took regularly.
It was whilst buying some hash from a moroccan friend of mine and mentioning my pain killer habit that he mentioned something about opium. We started to talk about it and he basically said if I wanted it to call his friend. I think I had the number about a week before curiosity got the better of me. I ended up scoring an eighth of latex opium which is meant to be eaten basically, it doesn't smoke too well although I did try! But eating was a different story...fuck me, the first time I ate about 150mg and then a little bit more maybe 70mg and I was seriously fucked up.
I wasn't even sure if I would be able to get off the sofa to pick up my take away I was so battered, opium is a really heavy kind of opiate you can hardly move for shit on that stuff. I really loved it though, that and Oxycontin had become my thing, opium to stay in, Oxy's to go out, DHC and codeine to get me through sometimes I had vicodins and percocets too but at this point I didn't really feel any withdrawals maybe because I never left it long enough but if I missed a day or two it wasn't awful. So I reckoned I wasn't physically addicted, just mentally intrigued was how I saw it, what a fucking idiotic naive fool I really was and certainly feel now!!!
I also thought because I alternated my opiates and used different ones, it would break the pattern as I convinced myself they were all different, essentially they're all the same, they just come in different forms. All of them convert to morphine in your body and make you high and all of them are very addictive, I would urge anyone dabbling in opiates to get out forever why they still can if they're reading this and doing that. This was about 3 years or coming on since I'd started with opiates, and it was getting pretty bad at this point. I was taking opiates every day now and Oxy was the most frequently used one by far, it was almost becoming a daily thing and I was also doing lots of opium because I had accesss to it and somehow it felt more 'natural' than heroin as you just ate it and didn't inject it. It all seemed so innocent to me and in my head I just couldn't admit to myself that I was becoming addicted. Part of it was I knew if I did that or really when I did that, that I'd have to stop. At that point my brain was telling me the opposite though, take more opiates, take as many as you can fit in your mouth, take them, just take them, just keep taking them.
My GF 'E' who we have previously discussed in this blog had decided to stop taking them, she struggled a bit and because I was still taking them she didn't want to know they were in the house, so she told me she didn't want to know. I had probably already been using them without mentioning it anyway but this also in my twisted head gave me some kind of green light signal. I thought it was now OK to take them and not tell my GF or anyone else really because they didn't want to know, in my GF's case I argued I was protecting her by shielding my addiction as she was getting over hers, although it was only a small habit hers.
I could come up with any excuse, sometimes I'd say I would stop and I'd just start tapering off with codeines but I would always be back taking Oxy's in a week or ten days max and I just couldn't seem to stop. Opiates just sneak up on you, the addiction creeps and it takes a lot of mental strength once you've taken for a while, I just didn't have it in me, I was depressed and weak and lethargic. Now I had come to the conclusion that just containing the addiction and not letting it get out of hand was the best thing, but that's like trying to tame a wild beast with opiates.
Then one day I started having problems getting Oxy's from my suppliers. The Serbian had gone and the Mexican's had both disappeared without a word and with a few hundred pounds from a missing order. I had pretty much given up, I got some broken English emails basically saying they were having problems but I wasn't holding my breath. So to remedy this inconvenience I went to see my Turkish friend with the Opium. This guy also sold really nice soft afghani hash and I used to get that and opium from him a lot of the time. Anyway, on this particular occasion he invites me in, I sit down and he gives me some mint tea, I start rolling a hash joint.
We discuss buying more opium and I ask him if he knows the best way to smoke it was it wasn't burning well in the pipe I had or in a bong. He starts to tell me in a thick Turkish accent some gobbled up mixture of English and arabic but he's getting excited and animated, he goes into one of his drawers and pulls out this bag of light tan coloured powder. He's pointing at it and smiling "This you want for smoking" ! he says in animated fashion. I am starting at the bag, I know it's heroin, he knows it's heroin but I need for him to tell me that it's heroin. So I quietly utter and slightly stumble in my words (as I don't know if he's going to get pissed off with me for pointing this out) "this is......heroin?" and he nods and starts the sales pitch "Is GOOD for smoking" "is like opium but stronger better for smoking" and to be honest I am intrigued and I know I am going to buy some.
I settle on just a gram this time but take about a quarter of opium with me too. I still didn't know if I was going to actually take the Heroin or not I wanted to but I was scared, of liking it too much, it all felt a bit wrong but I knew eventually having it burning a hole in my pocket that I'd crack.....