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  1. Muse2Midnite
    To the Benevolent Order of Addicts and Alcoholics [BOoAA]

    Day 5? Shoot I thought it was only day four, hell I can't remember, I'll have to calculate it later. Wasn't able to get to a meeting today, felt horrible again and couldn't crawl out of bed til 1330, better than yesterday at least but I missed my noon meeting. These cats are doing all this construction on our place right now and they're a super shady crew. They asked me to move my car around 8am and I got up for that and then went right back to sleep. Old Big Red was grumpy and kept stalling when I was pulling her out of the driveway, finally a had to take her down hill and around the block but when I was parking her, this shady cat was parked behind me and he didn't look at all like a landscaper or construction cat but he went down to talk to them and he put sun shades in his car which was facing north so I figured he was planning to stay a while. No front plates and all shaded out which is not kosher in Cali so I snapped some pics of the license plates in the back in case he was a 2nd story man just getting the lowdown from the guys working here. Wouldn't be the first time that happened so I took some other pics of cars I wasn't used to seeing around here. Something just doesn't smell right. anyway I went back to sleep and did some light doggy paddling til 1.

    My sides were killing me again and I didn't want to get up but I really need to check the PO Box for these two checks I'm waiting on cause I'm bouncing checks again cause I paid my guys already. Sucks cause I'm losing all profit from bank overage fees cause these clients were supposed to have these check to me Day Of but in one case it's kinda my fault for not hustling with the contract although after talking to them it seems like they were gonna wait to issue anyway. Regardless I went out to Big Red and like a dumbass I had left my lights on. Why I turned my lights on at 8 am is beyond me but I was barely conscious so it doesn't surprise me. At least I was parked up the hill so I coasted her down to a better parking spot where I could probably get a jump from my roommate if he's not acting like a grumpy bitch today. I would just rent one of the Car2Go electric cars nearby and run down to the Post Office and to my gig to drop off my Equip. Then I realized what I had done. Shit, I locked the keys in Big Red, then I realized I had locked my office and the front door too so I was going to have to break in to my own house with the constructions guys watching how I did it. Shit, what an asshole I am. But still I was going to have to climb in to my office from the outside using their scaffolding to get Big Red's extra keyset. I was so pissed at myself not to mention I was in no mood or condition to be climbing on shit, plus I was going to have to climb over the keyboard. That wasn't going to work I would probably knock it over and break it. Finally after about a half hour of bitching and moaning and cursing etc. I decided to try something which actually opened my office door. I couldn't believe it. Now I need to figure out how to secure that vulnerability. The aptitude of my criminal mind surprises even me sometimes.

    Still I ended up running all over the place, no checks still, grabbing McDonalds of course with the little bread I have left in cash and getting back in my office feeling lie a slug. I managed to answer a couple emails and ignore the rest. I took my roommate's dog "Solo" for a short run to try and feel better and it only really made me sweaty for the next couple of hours. I'm gonna try to walk Solo every day down to the coffee shop and see if that gets me started a little better.

    I threw on a suit and get to my gig just barely in time cause I couldn't find a place to park the electric rental. The gig was OK but the room was slammed, probably the busiest I've seen it since I've been working there and this was a Thursday. I guess technically this is only Day 4 of full sobriety. I think I had a drink and maybe a little speed on Sunday Morning. Shit I can't remember. Whatever I'll call it day 4. although technically it's day 5 right now; but whatever, I'm not gonna be that guy. My voice just didn't feel right to me tinight and I even warmed up with about ten star spangled banners in the shower. Bobby and all the regulars were saying it sounded great so I guess when I was still dealing with the hangs I must have really sounded horrible. To me anyway, you know you're always gonna be your worst critic but still, it was a weird night. I never really performed high or drunk in the last 9 months but I wouldn't say I was sober by any means, usually 8-12 hours clean, occasionally just a puff a few hours before to chip my way through. Sometimes I'd be like almost 2 days and all "jangly" as I call it. I actually felt like some of those were great performances but what the hell can you tell when you're just trying to stand still and keep from sweating?

    I ended up running into an old pal who I used to do blow with and we were reminiscing. I told him I was sober now and his GF was with im and we talked about the old days. I felt a little twinge of lament but I didn't want anything really. Me and his girl got into an argument about yoga, not an argument, just a disagreement really. You see I like Bikram Yoga because it challenges the part of me that needs challenging. It's very difficult and it makes you have to fight your own brain. She was being all snobby about how Bikram is this and that. A lot of Yogis bitch about Bikram but it's interesting to hear a yogi say the word "hate' in reference to a practice which a lot of people get tremendous stamina and health from. I never heard a Bikram Yogi use the word "hate" about other practices so I guess that tells me something. I learned to tolerate and accept other yoga while in Bikram but they bore me. BYCI challenges me like Marine Corps Boot Camp. I haven't practiced in over a year but I'll be back as soon as I think my body can handle it, maybe in a couple of weeks. I also never met someone who did 30 straight days of BYCI ever say they preferred another practice. I'm just bitching now but even though Bikram himself can be a bit abrasive and some of the teachers have that style too, I still prefer it to any other type. It challenges me like no other. I mean if I wanted to have a real peaceful experience I'd go to Vinyasa or one of those erotic style yogas but that's not why I"m there. I'm there to improve my mental strength and physical being. If I wanted to feel all flowy I'd go put on some West Coast Jazz or Sade or something.

    Anyway I realized I was being a dick so I apologized and split. I walked the couple miles home in the dark . I like that walk home, especially when I'm wearing my full kit. I always wonder what people are thinking when they some some cat in a fedora, suit and two tones walking down the street. Plus I can use the intermediate exercise right now. I felt great after that walk and I watched some netflix and finished my receipts to send off. I promised I'd write so I'm sorry if this is a boring one but I'm headed to bed, it's almost 0430. Maybe I'll get up in time for the noon meeting...

    See you tomorrow

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