I guess, that I am going to take a pause, because my drug abuse has reached that point when, if I do not stop for a while, it is going to cause serious health problems ( If I do not have them allready).My both arms hurt from shoulder to fingers ( Sometimes even from the side of neck to fingers). I guess, I have managed to damage both nerves (and this is the least terrifying from my guesses). There are hot and numb spots on my arms and my only somehow useable vein is close to collapsing once more ( My veins are every IV users nightmare- tiny and so diffucult to find that even doctors have said that they see something like this for the first time in their lives). Mentally I am not ready to quit, but there just physically isn't any usable place to slam, so, I guess, my body needs a rest.
Besides, I do not even get high anymore, I' m just feeling normal.
It's funny how life works. Today I red my first threads here made years ago when my addiction just started. And it made me laught. Little did I know back then that this is just a beginning and fun and games.And I am affraid to think where I will be in future, because most likely it will be even worse than present situation.
Tomorrow I will have this feeling what usually occures when awesome party is over, guests have gone to their places and you realise that you have to return to plenty of trivial daily duties, but you still miss the party.As I usually feel when taking a break.
And, talking about parties, holidays etc, I start to dislike Christmas season with all these crowds in supermarkets, duty to buy plenty of must- buy mandatory gifts for people who are not even close to me or whom I hardly know.Seems to me like a some kind of hipocrisity.All this mandatory procedure and "Buy, buy, buy even if you are completely broke, because this and this person may feel dissapointed." This makes me not to want to participate in it at all. Besides, I think that there are other ways to show that person is important in my life than gifts. I said nothing new, but this is how I feel every year around this time.
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