Here we go again

By Mick Mouse · Jan 9, 2012 · ·
  1. Mick Mouse
    God, I hate this! It is time once again for the monthly reduction in my pain meds, so I get to look forward to another 2-3 weeks of going through mild/moderate WD's until my system gets used to the lower dosage. It's like I have had a bad case of the flu for the last 6 months now!

    Two more months and the Fentanyl will be down to the lowest available dosage, then I will make the jump from 25 mcg/hr fent patch to a 20 mcg/hr buprenorphine patch. If I have calculated correctly, that should be the rough equivalent of 12.5 mcg/hr of fentanyl.

    My hopes are several-fold...first, that a reduction from 25 to 12.5 will be easier than from 25 to 0. Secondly, that the switch to bupe will ease the WD's from the fentanyl. Thirdly, that I can then continue my taper on the bupe, from 20 to 10 and finally to 5, at which point I have a huge decision to make. Do I stay on a low dose opiate for the chronic pain, do I jump off completely, or do I try to find a medium of pain/pain relief that I can live with?

    The ratio of "pain that I can live with" to "amount of problems that the narcotics cause me" is a tricky one to find and maintain, but I have to do it because I am unwilling to live like this any longer.

    In the meantime, however, I hate this with a passion! I was sitting here last night in front of my little space heater, alternately freezing and sweating, sick to my stomach, feeling sorry for myself, etc., when I suddenly put things into perspective. I'm doing a slow taper, with my doctors knowledge and assistance, in the comfort and privacy of my own home. I can have any pharmaceutical assistance that I want in this, provided by my doctor. I have the support of my family and my friends. much easier could it be? How many of our members are-right at this very minute-going through the very same thing that I am going through, only with either a fraction of, or none at all, of the "benefits" I have? How many of us are curled up in a box somewhere or in some cold-ass house or apartment doing this? Without a doctor, without...anything?

    Suddenly I don't feel as sick anymore. I feel privileged, I feel lucky, I feel thankful....honestly, now I feel embarrassed, because I am making such a big deal out of this while others are suffering far more than I, in conditions far worse.

    I feel ashamed because I let things go this far and I cause such pain and heartache to those I love, but I also realize how incredibly lucky I am to even have someone who cares about me, because so many of us have nobody. I realized just exactly how important this place is, not necessarily just to me, but to those who may only have this place as a resource.

    Honestly, I don't know what I would do without all of you here. It is an honor to go through hell with you all here by my side. An honor and a privilege. All I can do is offer to stand with others as you all have stood with me. My sincere and heart-felt thanks go out to all of you who have jumped on this bus with me and have decided to help me see it through. I probably couldn't have done this successfully without you. And it is not over yet!

    Suddenly, I don't have such a problem. I have hope. Support. Friends and family. The sun shines brightly in a darkened room and hope blossoms like a flower. All because of D-F and the people who are here.

    All because of you! To say thank you seems inadequate, but it is all I have and I offer it freely, along with the promise to return the favor someday. I still have a long way to go, but I'm not doing it alone!

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  1. Mick Mouse
    WTF? I just found out via the grapevine that there is a 12.5 mcg/hr fentanyl patch available! Guess I should have done a little more of my own research rather than rely on the words of others. This, if in fact true, should make things a bit easier, but it will stretch it out by another month, too. I can live with that, though.

    So far, things are going better than I expected them to go. I didn't have anywhere near the negative issues when I dropped from 75 to 50 that I did when I dropped from 100 to 75. I still have some, and when they hit, they are quite bad, but they don't hit as often. At least not as often as I expected them too!

    I'm not too certain that adding the Provigil helped as much as I expected it too, either. The first few days were great, I flew around the house getting things done, stayed focused, had a little buzz, and just enjoyed it all, but after that, it changed pretty dramatically. I would take this stuff and never feel really awake. I mean, I WAS awake and if I fixed my attention on something, I was on it like a laser beam, but in general, I was quite lethargic and without motivation.

    Then came the day that I took it and an hour later I went to sleep. Slept good, too! For about 2 1/2 hours, altogether. When I woke up, I was energized and ready to take on the world. I thought that this was rather odd, so I tried it again a day or two later-I took a full dose, went back to bed and fell asleep. When I woke up, same thing!

    Now, I'm not sure why a "wakefulness promoting agent" would act like this or have this effect, but it seems to be the only way that it works for me. I'm going to explain it to my doctor and see what she has to say. Sadly, my only other alternatives are the true stimulants, like Adderall or dextroamphetamine, and I don't know if I want to go there or not. Hell, maybe I could get her to prescribe Desoxyn! Wouldn't that be a blast?

    In any event, I am looking forward to making this next drop in the fentanyl patch, even though it is still about two weeks away. I'm ready to get this over with. I would really like to try and live a more normal life and not be tethered to a pill bottle, but I don't think that is possible any longer, Still, I can make that rope as long as possible!
  2. Mick Mouse
    OK, I just made the drop to the 25 mcg/hr patch, and I can really tell the difference! Sick as hell right now, with stomach cramps, the shits, body aches, and all the things we know and love about narcotic withdrawls. Plus, the pain has jumped from a steady 4 to a 6-7. All I have to do is reach in the box for the break-through meds, because I know that a couple oxycodones or an Opana or two, and I would feel right as rain!

    That would be kind of defeating the purpose though. At least to my mind. The goal is to get off the Fent, and I knew in advance this shit would happen as I slowly reduced the levels in my body. Replacing the Fent with another opiate, while something that will EVENTUALLY be done, is not how I want to approach this situation, although that may change as time goes on. Besides, I know this will go away soon enough.

    Right now, the goal is to ride this out for another 21 days, then reanalyze the matter to decide if I want to continue the drop to a 12 mcg/hr patch for an additional 30 days or go cold turkey for 36 to 48 hours and then jump on the Butrans (buphrenorphine) patch from there. When I get to this point, I want to continue the reduction, from 20 to 10 and then to 5 mch/hr on the Butrans and then jump back down to an Opana ER/oxycodone IR combo.

    This is-in the words of my Jedi Master-The Way of the Pussy, but I am OK with that! Even though it has taken me 8 months of relatively constant, low-grade WD's to get HERE and will take another 4 months of the same to get to the point of being able to make the transition to Opana again, even though I know that I could probably make the jump now without a huge amount of discomfort, and even though I know that I can do this....well, I'll still take the long slow road. That was the plan and it has worked so far, so I will stick with it. Even though I think I could do better on my own! That is the exact reason I made a plan, after all!

    But, like everything else, this is also subject to my whim of the moment! I REALLY feel like shit right now, and it is easy to consider taking a short-cut. All I have to do is hang on for one more minute, right? Well, I've been doing one more minute for 8 fucking months now, and I'm damn tired of it! We will see how I feel in another minute though.

    In the meantime, the Provigil sucks ass. it was great for the first couple of days, so-so for a couple, and then worse than useless after that. I would actually take it and then go back to bed! Increasing the dose didn't have a positive effect either, if anything, it made things worse!

    I told the doctor about it and, even though we did all the paperwork to get it approved by the insurance company, we decided to drop it and we went with Ritalin (methylphenidate) instead. I am a week into this now, and so far, it seems to be everything that the Provigil was not. The lethargy and lack of motivation issues are resolved, the focus and intensity are improved, and the half-life is short enough so that I don't have to worry about being jacked up all night. It is really odd that the insurance company wants paperwork in place for prior approval on Ritalin, Provigil, amphetamine, dextro-amphetamine, and other drugs like this, but there are NO restrictions whatsoever on....ready for this? Methamphetamine! Yes, I can have a 90 day supply shipped to my home FOR FREE in 5 and 10mg formulations! Now, admittedly that is not a big dose by any means, but still. Meth? With no questions asked? Who says getting older sucks? At the enormous age of, well, lets just say under 50, I can, LEGALLY, smoke MMJ, use any number of opiates, and now meth! All with a doctors prescription, of course. I think I will NOT test the limits of my relationship with my doctor, though.

    So, as it stands right now, the transition to the next lower level has been made. The anticipated negative effects are well within limits previously set. The progression is moving along according to plan, and no major changes are anticipated at this time. Consideration of cutting this short and jumping several level at once, rather than one at a time, is on-going.

    We'll see what happens from here!
  3. Mick Mouse
    Well, the more I learn about this Butrans, or Buprenorphine transdermal patch, the more I like how it sounds. I also just found out that it comes in a 3 day patch, as compared to the 7 day patch that I knew about, so that offers a wealth of possibilities that I had not known about or considered before.

    It doesn't seem to have a ceiling on pain relief, but it does on respiratory depression, which makes it quite a bit safer that Fentanyl. The 3 day patch takes effect much quicker than the 7 day one does, which will make it quite a bit easier as well, plus it comes in different dosages than the 7 day patch does. This is particularly of interest, as I do not believe that the biggest available 7 day patch will be strong enough. So, I hope to start on the biggest available 3 day patch and then I can work my way down if necessary.

    Interesting stuff, and I'm learning more every day!

    A big Thank You to Iceflame, who is a good friend and has given me a new direction to look into, along with all of the rest of my D-F family who has been helping me research this.
  4. Mick Mouse
    I have no idea why I am doing this under the "comments" when it should be done with the edit function. If I could go back and change it, I would, but I guess it is too late for that now!

    I'm also beating around the bush-tomorrow is the big day, and I'm just a bit concerned. OK, maybe "concerned" is putting it mildly-I'm scared! Tomorrow is when the biggest change of them all will be discussed and formulated, we will decide whether we will drop to a lower dosage of Fentanyl or jump off completely. The plan says we drop to a lower dose, but I am sooo tired of this! Maybe I will jump off completely and just deal with the consequences. A lot will depend on the availability of the pain meds I want, as well. If they are not available in this country, then everything will change again!

    We will know tomorrow!
  5. trdofbeingtrd
    You are more brave than many, that is for sure. Good luck tomorrow, I can only imagine how scared I would be. You have went this far, even if it's hell, you still stuck it through. I don't know if you really understand how amazing that is.

    JUST KEEP GOING :thumbsup:
  6. Mick Mouse
    Thanks trd, that helps a lot! Makes it feel like I'm not alone in this.

    Well, I am truly fucked now. Just got back from the doctors office and I'm trying to smoke myself into oblivion with the MMJ, but it is not working too well. The new drug that I was pinning my hopes not available in this country. It figures! All is not lost, however. I will just have to figure out something else.

    As it stands right now, I am officially off the Fentanyl! Hooray! I won't be feeling so damn happy about it in 12 hours or so, I bet. Actually, I just put on a new patch last night, so I will wait until that one is ready to come off before I go with the BuTrans patch. That is going to suck too, because the strongest formulation available in this country is not strong enough for my condition, so I will have to supplement it with another opiate. That defeats the entire purpose, which was to get on buprenorphine patch that was strong enough to where I didn't need another opiate! As it stands right now, I will be on a 20 mcg/hr BuTrans patch and supplement it with Opana ER 40's.

    Speaking of Opana ER 40's, my pharmacy tells me today that they are no longer available because the pharmaceutical companies are running into problems with the new matrix. The 10's, 20's, and 30's are available, but for some reason, the 40's can't be found to save your ass! My pharmacy called several surrounding towns looking for them, and I would say that there are none to be had anywhere within a 50 mile radius. they are saying that it will be at least another month, and maybe two, before they are back in stock. Crazy!

    So, on the positive side, the Fentanyl is done. I've been waiting the better part of a year to be able to say that! It is a major milestone in my quest to live in an as opiate free as possible life. I'll never be truly opiate free, but I can get as low as possible. Unfortunately, I have just about hit that wall, so now it is more a matter of trying to find what works best at these reduced levels. Right now though, I'm where I want to be, and I'm there a month earlier than planned, so everything is going good there.

    On the negative side, the type of med I wanted and that I thought would be the ideal answer to my condition is not available in this country, so once again, I have to settle for less than the optimum. Seems like the story of my life!

    Anyway, the next few days should prove to be quite interesting! I will be posting during the transition and changeover from Fentanyl to these other drugs and how it affects me, so keep checking in, if you are interested. I not looking forward to going into withdrawls on purpose, but that's what has to be done to avoid precipitated withdraw syndrome. Which, quite honestly, doesn't really make sense to me. You have to go into avoid going into withdrawl? What am I missing here? Is it a case of going into a little to avoid a lot? Never could quite get a clear answer on that, but it is too late now.

    Well, hang on, because here we go!

    Damn, almost forgot to mention this-I just went out and bought one of these cool-ass inversion beds! Now, I can strap myself in and hang upside down, to decompress the spine. Only tried it once, very briefly, so far, but I will keep y'all up on that, too!
  7. Mick Mouse
    OK, the last Fentanyl patch came off a few hours ago, and the BuTrans went on, so we will see what is going to happen. I popped an Opana ER to help with the transition, but I expect it to be wearing off about the time that the last of the Fentanyl is leaving my system, so I should be having a lively time of it here in another 6 or 8 hours, because the BuTrans will still not have had time to fully take effect.

    I'm about as ready for this as I will ever be. I should have everything that I can possibly need on hand. It is still going to be hard, though. I am expecting at least several days of moderate discomfort.

    "Moderate discomfort". It doesn't sound anywhere near as bad as we know it is going to get, does it? Funny how something as simple as a choice of words can determine how we think of something. It might be Hell, but we will just call it "moderate discomfort", and that will make it easier to take.

    I'll take comfort in that as I'm wrapped around the toilet later tonight, puking my fucking guts up and wondering why in the FUCK hasn't the loperamide started working yet? It's been like.....7 1/2 minutes since I took the shit! It's (Blaaaa!) just (Blaaaaa!) moderate (Blaaaa!) discomfort (Blaaaa!), right?

    Well, as I kneel there in front of the Almighty Ralph and try to decide if this next one will be explosive diarhrrea or projectile vomiting, there is one thing that I will keep in mind above all else.

    I'm off the fucking fent! Everything else is unimportant.
  8. Mick Mouse
    It's morning, and I'm still alive. I certainly don't want to be, but I am. Sick as hell. Pretty standard though. I'm right were I figured I would be at this point in time. Loperamide worked, after about 16 mg. or so, and I finally got to sleep around 4:00 A.M. Woke up around 6:00 drenched in sweat, so I got up and hit the shower. Been sitting here in a sunbeam for the last couple of hours, trying to stay warm, because I'm freezing my ass off! I'm thinking that my day is going to consist of being wrapped in my nice warm blanky, parked in front of the fire with my MMJ and The Dog. Feeling like the living dead, right before they turn. We will see what happens, I guess.

    But I'm still off the Fent.

    Not with a whimper, but with a roar of triumph!
  9. Mick Mouse
    Three days since my last post here, and I'm still alive. I might even decide to stay that way, too. In any event, I am pleased to report that, so far, things are still going according to plan. The withdraws are much less than I anticipated, and there was no precipitated withdraw syndrome at all.

    Maybe I should back up a bit, though. On the morning of the 4th, I put on my last Fentanyl patch. On the morning of the 7th, I put on the first Butrans (buprenorphine) patch, but I did not remove the old fentanyl patch first! Today is the 11th, and I just took off the Fentanyl patch on its 6th day. My thoughts were that as the levels of the Fentanyl are being reduced, the levels of the Bupe are being increased, and that I would not suffer horrible withdraws because of those actions. It seems to be working, to a certain extent, at least. The Fentanyl WD's never came on full-bore, they were enough to be uncomfortable but not rising to the level of "please kill me now" that I was expecting.

    It is not over yet, by any means! I will take what I got and consider myself damn lucky that I dodged a bullet on this one. At least so far!
  10. Mick Mouse
    Odd effects. For the past two days, I have been so unbelievably tired that It takes all I have to just get up and get moving. All of the nausea/vomiting and diahrrea have stopped, but the emotional roller-coaster is continuing, albeit very much reduced. I went on a crying jag today for absolutely no reason at all, and it stopped as fast as it started.

    The lethargy is rather hit or miss, as well. Once I'm up, I can function at a reduced level (subjectively, it seems like I'm at about 60 % or so) for awhile, then I feel like I could lay down wherever I happen to be at. For instance, I couldn't get off the couch all day, but when the wife got home, she talked me into getting up and going to the store with her. After that, I am fine. It is just really weird the way the effects happen. Nothing is consistent, it hits hard, not at all, or somewhere in between. I have also noticed that my vision is all blurry and I have trouble focusing, and that seem to peak when everything else does, too.

    All I know is that I am off the Fentanyl! I will deal with everything else as it comes up, but that was my goal, and it has been achieved. This has been a 9 month experience for me that will never be forgotten!
  11. Mick Mouse
    I just started my third week on these Butrans patches. They are not strong enough, but the stronger 3 day patches are not available in this country. So, I can either supplement with oxycodone or Opana, or I can just deal with the left-over pain.

    At the moment, I have chosen to deal with it. I still have the Lyrica, the Ritalin, and the MMJ, but I want to make sure that I give these patches a fair shot and I want to see-averaged over lets say at least 8 weeks-if Buprenorphine will turn out to be appropriate for my condition. I have found that it was routinely prescribed for pain back in the 1980's, but then it kind of went into use as a specific for opiate detox/tapers.

    After fumbling with the math, I figure that a 20 mcg/hr patch equates to .48 mg a day. However, once you factor in the long half-life, you are looking at more like 1 1/4 to 1 1/3 mg in your system at peak effect. Maybe even a bit more. Currently, that is not enough for my condition, so I am considering asking my doctor what she would think about dropping this patch altogether, eliminating the breakthrough meds completely, and go to one 2 mg Buprenorphine tab a day. I just don't know how effective 2 mg would be for chronic pain.

    One freakin' pill a day, and I don't have to screw with a patch and all of the hassle that brings, I don't have to deal with additional narcotic pain meds and all the hassle THEY bring, and I can have a somewhat normal life again. I won't have to worry about patches coming off, meds coming up short, or any of that shit.

    Sounds good to me! Now, if it will just work out the way I have it planned, everything will be good. You're not holding your breath on that one, are you?
  12. Mick Mouse
    48 hours ago, I went in for spinal injections. We did 6 different places, and the anesthesia has finally worn off.

    No pain! At least not so far. It can take up to a week for the steroids to work, but after that , I might not have to go back in for another 6 months.

    I haven't felt this pain-free in 20 years. I just hope it lasts. Keeping my fingers crossed!
  13. Mick Mouse
    This is stupid. The pain is already starting to return, although it is light years away from what it was. but it's coming back already. I am still on the BuTrans, but I have stopped the oxymorphone and the oxycodone completely. I have stuck with the lyrica, the flexaril, and the occasional ritalin. And the MMJ, or course. That is starting the process of becoming a problem of its own, but it is more an issue of cost than anything.

    So, I guess I can claim progress in several major areas-no longer on the fent, the oxy, or the oxy! I'm holding my own on everything else, drug-wise.

    I feel like I am losing ground in other areas, however. For some reason, I continue to have what I originally though were mild/moderate WD symptoms, but now I am wondering if they might not be something else completely. Maybe this would be a good topic for a thread.

    Anyway, like my life, my progress is at best a mixed bag!
  14. Mick Mouse
    Well, just as I think that the shots were more trouble than they were worth, I start to notice that, while the pain did start to return, it never quite made the comeback that it was promising. It's still there, sitting and biding it's time, but it is kind of like it is behind a glass wall-you can see it and you know it is there, but it is muted. It rages behind the walls of its cage though. Just waiting for its moment.

    My recent trip to the doctor proved interesting as well! I took a very big step, I think. While I have not taken any of my breakthrough meds, I have always made sure I had them-new scripts every month, etc.-but this time I told the doctor not to write for new refills. I have managed to do the trick successfully for the last couple of months with the safety net in place, but this time, I cut it loose. I'm ready.

    I also added Cymbalta 60 mg for low back pain and to help address some of these depressive episodes I have been dealing with, and I stopped the Lyrica completely. After consulting with my doctor, we also decided to drop the BuTrans patch and move to a Buprenorphine 2 mg. sublingual tab. That, combined with the Cymbalta, should be more than sufficient for long-term chronic pain control, and any flare-ups can then be managed with MMJ.

    So, the final tally? Well, the line-up should look like 2 mg Buprenorphine and 60 mg of Cymbalta once a day, with MMJ, Ritalin, and Flexaril as needed. No Oxycodone, no Oxymorphone, and best of all, no Fentanyl! My doctor is quite excited about this line-up, as she seems to think that it will offer the best possible mix of effective, long-term pain control and convenience, while working to minimize any negative effects that are associated with chronic pain and narcotics.

    We have also decided to adopt a wait and see attitude in regard to the spinal injections. If they work as advertised, then that will be another tool that I have available to use, but if not, then I just won't get anymore done. I am also fairly certain that, at this point, I am NOT interested in in getting the next step of radio frequency ablation done!

    I'm waiting on the new script for the bupe to get approved now, and I will see my doctor again two weeks after I actually start it to evaluate, so we will see what happens then. I will come back and update this when I start the new meds!
  15. Mick Mouse
    Well, as usual, the insurance company is throwing a fit about the 2 mg buprenorphine tabs. It would seem that even though they are a C-III rather than a C-II, getting them prescribed for chronic pain is unheard of. This from a drug that was originally formulated for chronic pain! It was not until the mid 1980's that this became a "go-to" drug for opiate dependency. So, if I'm a junkie, no problem! But because I want to use it for something that is not so politically correct, I can't. At least, not yet! I am appealing this decision and should know something soon. Until then, it will continue to be the BuTrans patch and the Cymbalta.

    I had an interesting experience when I started these new drugs, too. I stopped the Lyrice and ended up with some really uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms that lasted for about a week. Pretty much identical to a moderate opiate withdrawal, but it was all physical and only lasted about one week, with the third through the fifth days being the worst. Never really thought about having to withdrawal from Lyrica, but it happened!

    I also cut the Cymbalta dosage in half. Well, not really, I take one cap every other day, instead of every day. When I took them every day, the lethargic tendencies were overwhelming, but at 60 mg every two days, it works out just right.

    Things are still getting settled down, and I hope to find out about the new meds soon, so I will up-date when I do!
  16. phobetor
    I am being treated for non-malignant chronic pain[severe & most likely it will continue to increase w/o much hope to of any solution to stop the process] and would like to see if you can help me with some questions. First, did you build up to that level of medication over a long period of time or was there some event that required heavy pain relief immediately? I'm curious because my body has developed a pretty high cross tolerance and wonder if you had the same type of experience. If so, I will return to ask some other stuff[or send private messages]. If there was a traumatic event which required immediate followed by long term use of fentanyl, I don't think you'll be able to answer many of my questions.

    Thanks for your time and have a great day!
  17. Mick Mouse
    I love it when a good plan comes together! And when it involves sticking it to a major corporation, it feels just that much better. What is all of this joyous nonsense about, you ask? Well, I finally beat the insurance company over the new drugs that I wanted and they didn't want to authorize! My doctor prescribed Buprenorphine 2 mg for chronic pain because the BuTrans patch was not strong enough and Fentanyl is unacceptable. Well, of course the insurance company denied it, saying that Bupe is used for opiate detox and maintenance therapy....and nothing else! I appealed the decision, laid out the facts about my previous drug interactions and history, and stated that, in my doctors opinion, this was the best medicine for my condition.

    I got denied. Again! So, I appealed again. This time, I supplied references which showed that this drug was originally developed for chronic pain, and only became a specific for opiate reduction therapy in the mid-80's. I pointed out the holes in their own policy regarding the dispensing of this drug. I even pointed out that they were attempting to control access to this drug in excess of what is called for by the classification-it is not even a C-II, it is a C-III!

    I got denied a third time! So, I had just about given up hope when I decide that it was just the price of a stamp and a few minutes of my time, so I appealed again. This time, however, I gave no reasons, I just said that I requested an appeal of the recent decision made on this matter. Lo and behold, two days ago I get a letter from the insurance company stating that they have reviewed all of my "documentation" and they are granting my appeal.

    I am really quite pleased by this, it seems as if patience has finally paid off. So, as it stands now, my current regime will consist of 2 mg. of bupe, 30 mg of Cymbalta, and MMJ as needed. I have the muscle relaxers as a back-up, should they be needed, but other than that, it looks like this is it. Finally!

    I have waited and worked at this for the past year now, to get to this point. I have gone through some really heavy doses of narcotic pain meds, became dependent on them, hated my life, and decided to stop the drugs, or at least reduce them as much as possible. I have gone through an extended period of moderate withdrawal after each reduction of medication, which basically means each and every month..... for the past 12 months. I have been dopesick for a long, long time! Not really bad, but not mild, either. And it is finally over. I am at a level which will allow me to function while still maintaining quality of life. I am on a drug regime that is easy and uncomplicated, and I am not living my life tied to a pill bottle. I'm OK with this!

    How hard was it? Well, it has been pretty well covered both here in the blog and in the chronic pain social groups that I am a member of, so you can follow it there, if you choose. There were times when I was at my wits end, wanting to give up and give in, wanting to run away, wanting to say fuck it and get high, to use my meds inappropriately. But I didn't. Why?


    You, my readers, it is all your fault! I would like to lay specific blame on missparkles, kailey_elise, TBBW, Brettjv, Tigey. On trdofbeingtrd and sassyspy. On Yipman and Anna Thema, on Iceflame, and on many others that I didn't mention.

    It is all your fault that I am where I am at today. I could not have done it without the support of my family here, and to say simply Thank you just doesn't seem enough, but it is all I have at the moment.

    Thank you. For my life and my sanity. for the friendship, the companionship, and sometimes, the willingness to put up with an old reprobate like me. I'm not the easiest to get along with, and I admit to occasionally rubbing people the wrong way, but for those who I call friend, nothing is to much to ask.
  18. Mick Mouse
    After the first ten days on this new regimen, I am happy to report that it is all I was hoping for, and then some! The 2 mg. dose has proven to be quite effective in relieving pain and has presented none of the problems normally associated with using high-strength narcotics in an effort to relieve chronic pain. The only "bad" thing is the ways the damn things dissolve and the way they taste. A bit chalky and bitter, and I never want to swallow for quite a while after the thing has dissolved for fear that I will swallow the medication rather than it being absorbed properly. I don't know if the strips are available at this low of a dose, but I will find out the next time I go to the pharmacy.

    The lowered dosage of Cymbalta has done the trick as well. The symptoms that I was experiencing are being managed to the point at which they are un-noticeable in my daily activities. Plus, I don't have that "flat-line" or emotional numbness that SSRI/SSNI use quite often brings.

    The addition of the Prilosec has been very effective in handling the morning nausea and vomiting that has caused me to lose so much weight over the last few months. It is actually kind of nice to get up in the morning, now that I know I won't spend the first 20 minutes throwing up!

    I use the Ritalin very infrequently, when I need a boost to get through the day or I have a lot of shit going on for some reason. Or when I've been testing a new batch of Indica!

    As I have been anticipating, the MMJ is on the path of becoming a problem, if I don't stay on top of it. I have noticed that my use has been creeping up over the last month or so, with it being used more than is strictly necessary or (the biggie!) out of boredom. Luckily, I I had anticipated that this problem might occur, so I added it to "the things that I need to Keep My Eye On" list some time ago. I am going to "punish" myself by not restocking my supply when it runs out, which it has been doing here lately because of the increased use. Then, my use log will be reviewed, and changes made. Perhaps stricter limits imposed for a short time, just as a reminder, in times of use, etc. That will teach me to be a pig!
  19. Sickpeache
    i thought you cant take bupe with other opiates like opana or fent? that it makes it worse
  20. Mick Mouse
    Not necessarily true! Buprenorphine is a mixed agonist-antagonist drug. At low doses, it serves as any other opiate in its class, while at higher doses, it has the effects you mention.

    Discussion on the exact level is wide-spread, with some (including me) saying that 2 mg. and below is good for chronic pain and allows you to still take other opiates as or if needed while above that level you will start to have the opposite effect. Others have indicated that you may be able to go as high as 4 mg. and still be able to achieve some benefit from the use of break-through meds.

    I rather suspect that it is an individual thing, based on the individuals body and circumstances. I know that I have no problem with getting results from my break-through meds if I have to use them, and I am currently taking 2 mg sublingual Buprenorphine for chronic pain.

    We have some very good threads here on Buprenorphine, if you are interested in getting more information on the subject.
      Addie likes this.
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