Seems to me, change happens before I have had adequate preparation time. I usually need some time to prepare for any changes in my routine, schedule, life, to prevent extreme anxiety.
Well, so much for that. On Tuesday upon seeing doc I was referred to a psychiatrist, and need to see him 'clean'.
So as of yesterday morning at about 630, I had what may be my last hit of meth. I am not doing well today, but am off work so I can wallow in my misery.
I didn't know I was not going to be able to have my pookie today, so there is definitely anxiety building up inside, over every little thing. 'oh I can't bake the cookies I had planned', 'oh can't go shopping for bargains' (anything, really, because I am just too foggy headed, sleepy, lethargic, flighty flipping thoughts, etc).
Thankfully, my husband controls my supply and dosage, or I would probably just say 'fuck it all', at least thats how I feel right now.
I don't know what will happen Friday. With my regular doctor agreeing I may have ADHD, and forwarding her referral to the psychiatrist, I am hopeful I will get treatment that is successful.
And I hope I am able to stay off the meth if my adhd gets treated.
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How Quickly Change Happens
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