I was recently following a thread by Lostgurl regarding a negative personal event which has recently occurred in her life, and it started me thinking. Well, if you follow my blog at all, you already know by now that when I start to think, strange paths and directions began to be explored, and we often end up in some really weird places!
But this particular event, as well as the underlying issue, is not a laughing matter, and my heart goes out for lostgurl, because I know all too well the pain that is being gone through right now. With that being said, I was moved to write the following.
Seven Ways To Kill A Good Relationship.
1. Violate. The quickest way to end a good relationship is to violate that relationship with heinous words and/or deeds. Adultery, abuse-whether physical or emotional, lies, gossip, or other evil acts create an almost instant disconnect between people. The resulting atmosphere is then one of anger, distrust, and resentment that then makes healing complicated, if not impossible.
2. Frustrate. If one party in a relationship wants to keep petty wars going, they do so by frustrating every attempt to bring harmony. They sabotage every act of kindness with cruel words or deeds designed to discourage the one who is seeking accord. The games of sabotage are often subtle and can even be designed to provide the "frustrator" with cover and deniability.
3.Depreciate. Another way to kill a good relationship is to depreciate the other party-that is, to diminish or humiliate them, often with the simple act of neglect. This form of relationship killing is often done in the "two's company, three's a crowd" situation where one person is ostracized. It is more frequently done right in your own living room or bedroom. Such as when a husband refuses to talk to his wife or the wife touches him and feels only ice..
4. Isolate. This way of killing a good relationship is the opposite of the previous one. Here, an individual in a relationship decides to separate themselves from other people, often as a defense mechanism (that's me). Look around your workplace and you will probably see that there are one or two people who seem to be always alone. They don't participate in the water-cooler discussions, they don't attend office parties, when they arrive they do not talk to anyone and when the day is over, they leave without really saying goodbye. This mechanism is also frequently utilized by teenagers who have a tendency to retreat to their room and fail to participate meaningfully in any family or social event.
5. Dominate. This method of relationship-killing is perhaps the most common:it is when one person must have his or her way all of the time. An example could be of an employer who acts like a tyrant-they give lip service to collaboration in order to solve a corporate problem, but in the end everyone had to do things the way they wanted. Tyrannical or domineering behavior can also find its way into the most intimate family relationships.
6. Retaliate. One of the most dangerous ways people deal with deteriorating relationships is that they retaliate. Watch the next episode of "Law & Order" and it will probably be about someone who did not get out of a relationship what they thought they deserved, so they retaliated. "You hurt me, so now I'm going to make you hurt!" Unfortunately, it is not confined to TV.
7. Obstinate. What I am talking about here is the individual who just refuses to change. "That's the way I am and there is nothing that I can do about it." would be the excuse of an obstinate person. He/she will blame everything on their DNA, the way their mother treated them when they were young, how society is out to "get them" or how "everyone else is doing it", or some other excuse for the simple fact that they do not want to take responsibility for their own stubbornness and to make the changes that are necessary to create and maintain loving, cooperative relationships.
Your first response to this post might be to look around you and find the people who fit into these different categories. It is my hope that you will instead read the list and ask "Which one of these applies to me?".