I have finnally reached the point where I am sick of myown drug abuse. I have basically no veins left, I do not get high anymore.It just gets worse. I am in a really dark place at the moment (That is the reason of my dissapearance from DF for a while) and my addiction has gone totally out of controll.
I hate this intoxicated feeling my body has, like it would be full of something really sickening.Besides, my skin has strange reactions and I guess, I have to check my liver.
I guess, I will take a break (At least- try), because I want to feel like a normal human being.Like to wake up and feel good, satisfied with life, not only having this feeling that everything ok only when I shoot up, not having this rithual in place of morning coffee.I want to learn feeling good without drugs (Don' t we all, haha).But, in the same time, I know that maybe even tomorrow I will (Well, I am actually 100%sure) start to carve them bad and they will be the only thing in my mind. Sad, but true.This love and hate relationship will never end. And I will never be the same person I was before all this drug thing happened in my life.I am sick of my DOC, but, in the same time, I would not mind staying permanently high for the rest of my life.This is not going to end up well.But, after all, life ends up with death anyway, so it is going to have a bad result in 100%of cases.
UPD. And do you know what is the saddest part of it? Not long after writing this I did it again. Somewhere deep inside I knew this is going to happen.
I guess, it was Nikki Sixx who said that you are an addict when you can not use drugs anymore.
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