I've been tired of relapsing and the whole guilt that comes with it. Like I beat myself up tremendously and it's just hard as fuck. You know.
So yesterday morning I woke up at like 4 am and couldn't fall back asleep... by the time 9 am comes around I'm surfing the web on my laptop and I'm looking at recovery centers for outpatient programs in my area.
You see, for me I'm like always saying I'm gonna do something and never get it done... the ultimate procrastinator. I always put things off till Monday because every things closed on the weekends so I'm like "oh I'll just wait till Monday" and then monday passes and I don't even realize it and then i put it off... yadda yadda
so anyway I call, they accept my insurance and tell me that if i can get there within the next half hour I can start that day (yesterday) I'm like yayyy and get over there.
It was good... the people were nice and the people who were in there were just other normal people, they were a lot older than me, but they were nice and accepting of having me there.
Now, last night I decide to go to my first NA meeting. It was on the beach so it was nice and there were only like 9 people there.
There was a guy there who was like 50 from New York and he was kinda rude to me and told me that the next time he comes to the meeting my seat will be taken because he sees people come and go and 95% of those don't come back. And I don't say anything... it just left a bad taste in my mouth about it... like what a douche. I mean I understand what he's saying but he doesn't know anything about me or what I've gone through or am going through or trying to accomplish or anything. It's just rude.
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I began treatment.