yeah, I knew going back to work would be my trigger.
Its ok, really, I shouldn't beat myself up too much. It's not my 'official' quitting time.
Which I know, is a typical addict/loser statement. But I hope I am not being blind to myself. I guess I just know me too well. If I don't have all my plan in place, I know I can't succeed at quitting. I have to have treatment in place, my drug addiction started from a place inside me that still needs attention. I would like to have nutritional drinks and supplements that will help make that first week easier, but will have to consider the cost.
Many years ago when my mom was in therapy, she got about half drunk and called me on the phone, to spill her guts. Her therapist had told her she'd never resolve things if she didn't come clean.
So in that hour long phone call, I learned my first molester was when I was 2 years old.Our landlord at the time. Mom couldn't always pay all the rent on time, and she pretended not to notice him fondling me when I sat on his lap.
The second one was my step-grandpa. That went on for so many years I have vivid memories of it, even though it was over by the time I was 8. Not because any adult protected me, but because he and my grandma divorced.
Yes, I need treatment in place when I completely stop using.
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I Really am Not a Loser
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