Well, here I go again. Letting my addiction get ahold of me. I can never seem to stay sober now, even though I want to, I always fall back into it. Been an addict since I was 18 years old. Im 24 now.... longest I have stayed clean was for a year and 3 months. second time, 4 months.... I had written a poem back in 2012 that applies perfectly to my struggle with addiction.
my addiction- written in 2012
Once again, here I reside...
happiness and dreams aside.
trying not to fall, I fail,
away in despair I sail.
my wings are broken
no more I'll fly...
kiss my promised future goodbye...
one more chance
I beg, I plead!
I'll do my best
strive to succeed.
cant continue to succumb,
to the thing I hate,
that makes me numb.
I'll walk, I'll run, I'll jump, I'll climb,
practice will make me strong in time.
everyday I'll work my best,
passing every single test...
if I dont, I'll fall to dark,
where death will surely make its mark.
The struggle is real. I know I can be strong and fight this, but at this point in my life, with the situations at hand.... I need a way to cope. As sad as it may seem, its the only way I know how. Sure, journaling helps, writing poems, and music plays a big part of coping.... But I still am constantly in the mix of the problems lifes dealing me right now, and I'd rather not think of it.
IVing meth, helps keep my mind off of the things I'm going through. I know its temporary, but like I say its my temporary happiness. Im not a "tweaker" or a "pheen" I am functional.
I dont have to steal or do crazy, stupid, things that usually go with IV meth users, I simply use to keep my mind focused on things that dont get me depressed. One of these days, however, I will get clean and stay clean. I'll be done with meth. Until then.... I'd like to take you into my mind, the mind of a drug addict.
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Into the Mind of a Drug Addict