Is it just me?

By NERO420 · Apr 19, 2015 · ·
  1. NERO420
    All my life I have struggled with addiction. Not always drugs. I get addicted and obsessed at times with ideas, thoughts, patterns and feelings. I have always been able to identify connections and reason how things come to be in my personal life. I realize drugs can be harmful if used for the wrong reasons or used to often. But I love the way my mind thinks on them. I truly am creative when using and my best work has always come during usage. Why is it everyone in my life wants me to stop? Do they not remember who I am without. I naturally have tendencies of being introverted. I am very quiet and shy. I never have any energy. I have no interest in anything. This is me before use. After I use I am so outgoing and proud to be different. I embrace everyone for who they are. Yet they forget that all major relationships were made both romantic and platonic while on something. I don't talk or seek interest in anyone sober. They like who I was when we first met. And yes that is me. But its the altered self. Its the true self that begs to be free. Now as I enter a new stage in life and become a parent. I see it very important to restrain from using. But my shy self takes over. I now am very quiet. My significant other does not understand. Up until the birth of my child I was still using something. Now I don't. No creativity. No dialogue. No substance to life. Be sides staying clean for social and moral reasons. I feel as though I am losing touch with myself. I am at a crossroads. I know what path I should take. But my feet are walking down the other. Can one balance usage and family without negative consequences? I couldn't take it anymore and used. I used all day and night. My mind exploded with new ideas and concepts. I felt alive again. Yet the consequence was I couldn't touch my child. My family isolated me so I could not contaminated my child. It hurt but I continued to binge. Until finally my child cried out for me, tried to crawl to me and I could not pick my child up in my arms. I stopped after that. And life went back to normal. But I feel empty inside. I partly only feel a fraction of good because I know I am doing the right thing by staying clean. But I can't help but think, am I the only one?

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  1. Alien Sex Fiend
    Have you discussed a possibility with a psychiatrist that you may be suffering from OCD? do you get obsessive about certain patterns in drug use, thoughts, chores, feelings, decisions? do you have to follow that patter to stay in control? do you excessively double check?

    Being drunk or high changes everything in everyone's head. the way they think and act.

    Drugs is not a solution for anything, its an altered state of mind and its unhealthy to alter your mind too much too long. Take breaks.

    Drugs is not cure for boredom. Trying to be successful is the cure for boredom.

    I like my whiskey but when i go on a binge I turn into Trevor from GTA 5. I can't physically accomplish anything right and because Im clumsy I screw up a lot of other people's lives. Take it as an example

    Drugs can make you feel great but abuse always sucks the real you out of you.

    Nobody besides narcissists like their own personality 100%. If your mind is bothering you, you need the right SSRI. Take care
  2. CravenBluntz
    try taking up a music instrument and learning the hell out of it...or find a passion you want to pursue. get a better job, become a role model for your child. with all due respect, my advice would be boss the fuck up and face the world you've built for yourself. this way of thinking will cause you to victimize yourself, and lead to depression. just handle your shit bro.:cool:

    p.s. educate yourself on the about your drug of choice. see how it affects your body and mind.
  3. Poppi
    I know it seems as though there is no enjoyment from life without drugs, but there is, and you desperately need to find it before you do irrevocable damage to yourself, your relationships, and perhaps even your child. Sure, it feels wonderful to be high, and you miss your personality and creativity when you are loaded, but this is not your authentic self, and as you continue to use and isolate your authentic self from those who love you, you will soon find that you've built a mental wall around your real self because you cannot--or will not--stay away from mood-altering chemicals.

    For your sake, as well as your child's and your family's, seek out events, activities, organizations, and the like that might bring you joy. It may take time to learn what you like to do besides getting high, but you will learn and soon you'll find natural joy within yourself that you will be able to genuinely share with others.
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