MARCH 16, 2014 (6:56 am) - Sunday
Hi Everyone... My name is Gina... and I have been seriously writing, since 2002. I found myself fully submerged in my methamphetamine addiction after about 4 years of using. I remember exactly where I was when I wrote the first pages that I would end up saving and compiling over these past 14 years.
I remember that I was in my new apartment, where me and my two daughters lived. It was during the night, and it was quiet. My girls were sleeping and I was laying on my bed when I got an urge to write about my life and what had been going on. More than likely, I had just did a blast and was very high... because that has pretty much been the routine ever since, especially when no one is around and I am alone.
My husband and I had separated, mostly by my choice, and the girls and I moved into a 2-bed apartment in town. It was a small town, and we had lived here for maybe 5-6 years, so it was familiar and we knew people.
Before the separation... I did meth as often as I could, and would have been happy to have access to it daily, but at that time, I was still learning. Meaning I was a frequent user vs. an everyday user, who could function in all areas, at least the majority of the time. I had a long road ahead to become the "true tweeker" I am today.
I was sure naive back then... and had been my entire life when it came to everything it seemed like. Everything I have experienced I learned first hand, by doing it. Nobody talked to me about the important stuff, like drugs or sex...and I wanted to know things.
It was difficult at times, because on occasion I would feel scared in certain situations, but never would I openly show it. I was good at adapting and becoming what I needed to be very quickly though, even under pressure. It has been a survival skill of mine and taught to myself.
I learned that there are always ways to get whatever it is I want... but it took awhile with some things... like "dope". The only reason my first years of using were manageable, is because I didn't have the resources figured out. I didn't know how to go about getting meth, how to ask, or who to call. I honestly don't remember who or how I got it...I just know I did on a frequent basis.
Shortly before moving out, I had met someone named Niko... and he was the sweetest man I had yet to become involved with. He just loved me to death. I soaked up the attention he gave me, and hadn't had, and before long we were together. I loved being with him, and felt like I was in love very quickly, and in a different way that was much stronger than I had ever known or felt.
It just so happened that Niko was a meth cook... and because of this... and my love for meth, a very significant part of my life journey had begun. I could have never predicted the next 10+ years would take me where it did. Trust me...I have so much to tell, that it may even shock a few people... and the truth of it is... all of it happened and I am still here and still figuring things out.
I am in no way bragging about it or glorifying my using history..., but it's definitely worth sharing with others. No matter who you are, or what your life consists of. It's the truth... from a 41-y/o, white, woman, who never fit the profile or had the risk factors that might lead to drug addiction, let alone methamphetamine.
It can happen to anyone, anywhere, at anytime... and that is one of the scariest things I know of as I sit here today. I think about all the ones who will be offered dope, and hate the thought of someone (some kid) accepting the offer. And those that are uneducated and unaware of what this drug can and will do to them if they try it. It will either be the first of many... or it will be the first of the last... and believe me... it's not a gamble worth taking. The odds are against us all, and walking away after that first time... is rare.
Please follow my blog if you can relate to my story, if you know someone with a meth addiction, or if you have kids that you love and hope will live a drug-free life. I had no idea what meth was the first night I snorted a line, and I fell in love with it instantly.
I will continue with more very soon, and it will probably bounce back and forth from the present time to any time in my past. I can't say for sure, because it doesn't work well for me if I have a planned schedule to write... it comes spontaneously... which makes it even better in my opinion. I love to write and love people.....and sadly, love meth too. So wish me luck on this please... it's my first time in sharing it... and I hope it means something to some of you!
Yours Truly and Sincerely: