Just to Exist

By nicky's_daddy · May 6, 2016 ·
  1. nicky's_daddy
    I open my eyes to another day
    Another day with my struggles.
    Self-medication is my every problem-solver
    A few preparations and I'm ready for take off.

    I wince from the prick and hear a healthy *pop*
    The only thing in sight is a flash of red
    shooting towards my fingertips
    And I'm already in sweet euphoria.

    I am ready for anything
    With her riding my veins I am untouchable
    As we dance together she stays by my side
    Like a warrior and my armour.

    She makes me function when I cant
    When I have no energy, and I feel spent
    She is my angel, she pushes me on
    so I get back up just to take on the dawn.

    When she makes me see her ugly side,
    I do not flinch, I stay right by her side,
    only for her to leave me in my hour of need
    I know she is dark, destructive, and evil.

    whether I'm up or I'm down
    always either down or out
    I wake up with her in my thoughts and
    Close my eyes at night just to feel her linger about.

    I hurt so bad inside sometimes
    my heart and insides might explode
    My inner soul is crushing, stabbing, and pulsing
    Through me with each pump my heart makes

    I've lost it all
    Money, family, friends
    A lover, my soul mate
    Also held captive by her
    She is relentless and everlasting

    How much more will I loose
    and what else will I give her
    I'm not sure. All I know is
    tomorrow is another day

    Another one such as this
    I can feel my nerves starting to twitch
    And my heart sinks because I know the struggle
    I'm about to face

    I know I'll be back right here as I am
    Coming down after the blur of sunrises
    feeling so still, so calm, so drained
    once again, I will be her pawn to her little game

    Moving, yet never knowing where I'm going
    just being, existing
    And I do it all alone
    on my grounds, under my choice

    Affected by the lust for her feeling under my skin
    If I could choose freely, I'd be under a palm tree with the ones I've lost
    Laughing, smiling and living again

    Instead I slowly rot.
    I am a living dead girl.
    I am proof zombies exist
    for I do not live, I simply exist.

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